


All The Soft Places To Fall

by ShamelessSpocker (ForgottenOne)



Series: Desert Christmas [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Dysfunctional Relationships, Homophobia, M/M, Unexpected Parenthood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 07:04:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 47
Words: 73,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgottenOne/pseuds/ShamelessSpocker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel to "Desert Christmas" finds Jim and Spock happily married ... we think. Something's wrong, and no one is talking about it. It's up to Jim to find out what's wrong before the problem rips them apart. ST AU. K/S-centric. Warnings will be given when necessary; rated M for safety. Forty seven chapters.  Cross-posted from FanFiction.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here I Go Again On My Own

**Author's Note:**

> I write the love stories, but I don't own the characters. Star Trek belongs to Roddenberry, as well as Abrams, and of course Paramount. Please don't sue me.

Jim awoke to an empty bed and not a little confusion. Reaching through his mental bond he shared with his husband of three years, he found the other end located in Science Lab Four. Jim sighed and looked at the chronometer. It wasn't even four in the morning.

_Babe._ He sent out a message to his wayward husband. _For gods' sakes, tell me you came to bed last night._

There was a flutter of activity on the other end before a meek response bounced back. _Not precisely._

_Not precisely? So you've been up all night again. Great. You've got duty in four hours._ Jim rolled over and began hunting down his sweats and t-shirt he wore at night.

_Do not come,_ Spock's warning came back. _I am in the middle of a crucial experiment and cannot leave the lab. I will see you on duty._

Jim snorted and dragged on his shirt. He certainly wasn't sleeping anymore tonight, that was for sure. So Spock didn't want him there. That was just peachy. Maybe he could take an early morning run in the gym. He pulled on his sweats and ratty sneakers and headed out the door to the turbolift.

When the lift arrived, it had an occupant, who brushed past Jim very rudely. Jim staggered backwards in exaggeration and glared at the other man.

" _Excuse you,_ Bones." Jim gritted his teeth.

The doctor turned around slowly, as if his near-miss had just registered in his mind. McCoy sighed. "I'm sorry, Jimmy. I just did a four-hour surgery on a patient I hope to never see again."

Jim became alarmed. "Who was the patient?"

McCoy grimaced. "The neuroscanner. You know, the thing you say you can't replace for another two quarters because Starfleet won't give you the funds?"

Jim walked back to his best friend. "You've been working on the neuroscanner for four hours? Why? Did it break again?"

Leaning against a bulkhead, the doctor resigned himself to the conversation. "I'm guessing. Your dearly beloved was in Sickbay last night, and I did a scan on him. I got readings neither of us has ever seen before. Obviously it's broken. Unless," here McCoy laughed, "something's wrong with your husband and the readings were actually that wacky."

Jim took a deep breath. "What were the readings?"

McCoy narrowed his eyes at the younger man. "Are you up for a consultation, _Doctor_ Kirk? Honestly, if something were _that_ wrong with Spock, I would have known about it before now. It's the stupid neuroscanner. It's got a bug somewhere."

Jim shook his head and crooked a finger at the medic. "Come back with me to my room." The other man's eyes widened but he followed along peacefully. They walked back to the captain and commander's quarters and Jim let them in.

McCoy looked around and could easily see the influence of both men. Books were neatly stacked on a bookshelf in one corner of the room. But then there were jeans and socks balled up in front of the bookcase. The padds were lined up neatly on the desk. Right beside that there was a piece of paper with doodles all over it. The bed was even half-made, half-destroyed. It was quite clear the difference between the two men who lived here.

McCoy sat down at the desk. "What's up?"

Jim looked around for a while before plopping down on the corner of the bed. "Something's wrong with Spock," he began. "And I don't know what it is."

The doctor leaned back to give his friend the once-over. "What makes you say that?"

Jim swallowed. "Well, let's see here. This is the fourth night he's not come to bed."

"You mean he's … sleeping during the day?" McCoy asked slowly.

"No." Jim grimaced. "I mean he's not sleeping _period._ Well, as far as I can tell. Remember that one time I drugged him at your behest? He'd been up 90 hours and wouldn't come to you."

"Rashcela," the doctor recalled. "That was a particularly bad time for him. So, he's bound to be sleeping _some_ time because he's not hallucinating, right?" The tired grumpiness had evaporated, leaving a concerned medic in its place.

"I don't know. I haven't _caught_ him doing anything unusual, other than not coming to bed."

"Where is he? Right now?" McCoy tapped his temple in request for Jim to use his bond to find the Vulcan.

Jim checked once more out of desperation. "Still in Science Lab Four. He says he's in the middle of a crucial experiment and he doesn't want me to come." Jim stood up and began to pace. "I know I'm the captain and I have the right to know what my crew is doing at any given time, but I don't go checking up on random ensigns and lieutenants. I can't justify busting down his door just because he's not keeping me company in bed anymore."

McCoy sighed and watched his friend traverse the tiny room. Finally he stood up, slightly confused. "Is there anything else you're not telling me? Because this has got you more spooked than him just lollygagging around in the labs for four nights."

A soft crimson flush worked its way up Jim's face and he broke off with his movements. "Well…."

"Well what, kid? Something's wrong and I can't help you if you don't tell me." McCoy scratched his head lightly.

"He – " Jim broke off and took a deep breath. "Never mind. It's stupid. He'll be fine, I'm sure." He shook his head and walked over to smack the medic lightly on the shoulder. "I'll talk to you later, Bones."

McCoy wasn't moving. "Uh, no." Jim turned to look at the older man, who had folded his arms across his chest. "I'm not budging. Either you spit it out or I haul your precious little bunny rabbit down to _my_ lab and have my way with him. You opened this can of worms. Tell me what else is wrong."

Jim grunted in frustration. "It's nothing, Bones. According to others he's not eating lately and he's really, really skittish. He practically bit Commander Demarcus' head off the other day, and she's his favorite crewmember. Well, would he deign to have favorites. But still, something's off and I can't put my finger on it."

McCoy was wracking his brains trying to diagnose anything wrong with the commander. "Well, I can't say anything for sure. But if you add what you've told me with what the scanner was showing last night…."

"Which was?" Jim prompted.

"Extremely high levels of adrenaline and heightened activity in the frontal lobe. Almost a storm registering on the neuroscanner. I asked him some questions and he seemed to be okay. Except…." The doctor paused. "He sort of went pale when I showed him the scan results."

"You showed him the test results?" Jim was aghast. "You never show me anything on my results!"

"You're an infant, that's why. Spock is a scientist; he can handle seeing his tests. You'd tell me everything is fine and try to escape without half the treatments you need." The words had no heat behind them; McCoy was still trying to figure out what to do about Spock.

Finally the doctor shook his head and then pinned the younger man with a harsh glare. "Something's not right, Jim. You say he's in Science Lab Four right now?"

"Yeah."

McCoy nodded. "I'm just going to borrow him for some tests. Can you spare him from Alpha shift?" The medic was halfway out the door, pausing only long enough to get his answer.

Jim nodded. "Go with God, my friend. Let me know what you find." When the door shut Jim's nervousness began to evaporate again. Bones would know what to do. It was probably nothing, anyway. Spock kept his body like a temple, and knew it better than anything else. He would have told Jim if something was wrong.

Wouldn't he?


	2. Paging Doctor Kirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mess gets deeper when Doctor McCoy makes an unexpected discovery.

McCoy came up to the lab area and peered into Science Lab Four. The lights were dimmed; the computers were on standby. Maybe he had left already? Then there was a noise and McCoy's eyes were drawn down to the floor, where there was a seemingly unconscious Vulcan sprawled out.

The doctor flipped his communicator open and called for medics while placing a practiced hand on the patient's pulse points. There was a flutter, but that was how the commander's heartbeat always felt at first. Waiting a moment more, McCoy finally could tell that the heart was racing well above normal, which meant it was somewhat like a hummingbird heartbeat on crack.

A cold hand batted away the medic's hand and Spock's eyes drifted open.

"Spock, don't move. I've got medics on the way. You're going to be just fine." McCoy brushed damp bangs back.

"I was not unconscious, doctor." Spock began to sit up and McCoy pressed him back down. It was easier than it should have been, which alarmed the doctor.

"Well, could've fooled me. You were on the floor, Spock, and your eyes were closed. What, you decided to take a nap?" McCoy's sarcasm was a clear indicator of his worry. Again, Spock attempted to right himself and the doctor pressed him down steadily.

Spock swallowed with some difficulty and nodded weakly. "I believe I may have become disoriented for a moment. That moment has passed, doctor. Your beads and rattles will not be necessary."

The medics rushed in and handed McCoy his tricorder and crash bag. He turned on the tricorder and the little device began whirring; McCoy went from worried to extremely concerned. Finally he rocked back on his toes and looked down at the prone officer.

"If I _let_ you walk down to Sickbay will you hold still for some tests?"

"I assure you, Dr. McCoy, your tests will not be necessary. I am functional at this time." Spock managed to move his way up to a sitting position. He rubbed his elbow, which had impacted the floor on his sudden descent.

"No, sir, you and I aren't having this conversation. Should I call the captain? Because I would think you disobeying a medical order would not look good. In fact…." McCoy reached in the bag and came up with a hypo, which he dialed up and pressed against the commander's shoulder.

"What are y– " Spock's eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped backward again, with McCoy catching him easily.

"Wrong answer, my boy. Guys, help me get a stretcher. We're taking him to Sickbay. And when we get there we're restraining him until the captain arrives." McCoy shooed the other medics into action and stayed by the now thoroughly unconscious commander's side. On impulse, he called the other half of this equation on the communicator.

" _Kirk_."

"Jim, it's McCoy. I need you to join me in Sickbay at your earliest convenience." McCoy waited for his answer.

" _Uh, is this an emergency?_ " Jim was slightly confused.

"Yeah, it is. I've had to knock out Spock and I'm going to need you to convince him to stay once he comes around again. I found him unconscious in Lab Four. Something's definitely wrong." McCoy swallowed and continued unwillingly. "I'm going to have to put him in restraints otherwise. He's certainly not going on duty in this condition."

" _I'll be right there, Bones. Thanks._ " Jim cut the connection.

McCoy loaded Spock up on the stretcher and brought him back to the medical bay. They struggled to get him on a biobed, where McCoy regretfully put security restraints on Spock. Just then the captain came dashing in.

"Bones?" Jim called out.

"We're over here, Jim." McCoy watched the equipment – which normally had enough trouble with Spock – struggle to keep up with his readings now.

Jim took one limp hand and held it to his chest. It was practically an icicle. "What's wrong with him, Bones?"

McCoy kept one eye on the monitors. "Damned if I know. It's like he's dying. Something about what passes for his adrenal glands. I've given him some medicine to try to calm his heart down. But it's like he's taken something that's making his body go crazy."

"But Spock doesn't take medicines. Not willingly, at least. And I sure as hell know he doesn't do drugs." Jim narrowed his eyes. "You don't think somebody's trying to…." He trailed off uncertainly.

"I can't tell. I'll have to do a complete tox-screen and see if anything shows up. But someone may very well be trying to off your second-in-command. We have to assume you're a potential target too." McCoy gestured to one side and two security guards came up. "Look, forget trying to keep the commander here. You need to keep everyone away from both the commander _and_ the captain. Possible assassination attempt."

The security guards snapped to attention and saluted, going back to their unobtrusive places at the entrance.

Jim gaped at his best friend. "Bones, you're really serious? You think someone's trying to kill us?"

Spock's hand tightened on Jim's and Spock opened his mouth. "Not…."

Jim leaned down. "What is it, baby?"

"Not assassination." The two words seemed to have cost Spock a great deal to get out, and he took a shaky breath. "Why … drug me?"

"Who drugged you, Spock?" McCoy came to the other side of the biobed.

"You, doctor," came the weak response. However, there was enough strength for the right eyebrow to lift, and suddenly Jim and McCoy both felt a little better.

"Well, you crazy space elf, I wasn't having you walk off while I'm trying to treat you. Plus, the depressant eased your heart rate for a little. You were racing off the charts, even for you." McCoy undid the security restraints and went and got a warmed blanket to cover the commander. "Spock, can you think of anything that could be causing this? Have you eaten anything unusual lately? What experiments were you working on in the labs?"

Spock rolled over on his side, temporarily rendering the biobed sensors impotent. McCoy shut off the alarms and left him where he was comfortable. Spock took Jim's hand again and shut his eyes, as if momentarily disoriented.

"There is a reason for this," Spock began. Jim and McCoy leaned forward to hear the soft voice. When nothing else was forthcoming, Jim shook his head.

"You've got to tell us, Spock. What's happening to you?" Jim used the edge of his sleeve to dab at the sweat gathering on Spock's brow.

" _Pon_ …." Spock took a breath and tried again. " _Pon farr_."

Jim took in an unsteady breath. McCoy narrowed his eyes and grabbed a nearby padd, scrolling through the medical library. Jim decided to keep his mouth shut. It was up to Spock how much he wanted to tell the doctor. Finally, McCoy came back.

"Uh, I'm not for certain about the spelling, but it's not in here, Spock. What is it? Some sort of Vulcan flu or something? How do I treat it?" McCoy was frustrated.

"I need to be removed from active duty for the next several days," Spock began.

" _Several?_ " McCoy frowned at the generalization. "Okay, um, anything else you need?"

"Jim will need to remain with me. With no other contact." Spock shivered momentarily and Jim drew the blanket up around his husband. "That is all, doctor."

McCoy glared at the commander and then the captain. "That's all. Take you and Jim off duty for the next couple of days and just leave you alone? What, are you going to go at it like rabbits or something?"

Spock closed his eyes and was too exhausted to hide the blush creeping up his face. McCoy whistled low and backed away. "Okay, okay that's fine, Commander. Can you walk back to your quarters?" McCoy helped Spock sit up on the biobed.

"I believe I will be able to return unassisted. Thank you, Doctor, for your discretion." Spock locked tired eyes with the doctor and suddenly a lot of things started to make sense to the medic. Spock stood uneasily and Jim wrapped an arm around his waist. They started forward when the two forgotten security guards stopped them.

"Sirs, what is your destination?" Benivan, a security ensign who took his job very seriously, questioned the pair.

McCoy came up behind them. "Uh, Benivan, they're going back to their quarters. I want you to keep everyone away from their quarters – "

"Except for you," Jim inserted, and the doctor nodded.

"Except for me, keep everyone _else_ away from their quarters. If you have any questions, report to me directly." McCoy winked at Jim, who smiled weakly back at the doctor. With one security guard in front and one behind, the pair walked off to their rooms.


	3. It Just All Went To Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it hits the fan for our fellas, it really hits the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: "There's a bad moon on the rise." There will be very vague descriptions of dub con. I will mark them so you may skip them if you wish. The exact description bears no weight on the story, only the existence of the event. Skip from the double asterisks to avoid the nastiness.

The trip took longer than Jim expected. Spock had to stop several times to catch his breath, which concerned Jim greatly, but now that he knew what was going on he wasn't as frightened. When they arrived the two guards took up positions at each door. Jim brought Spock in and laid him down on the bed.

"Okay, sugar, you want to tell me why you had to nearly die before you told me this wonderful little tidbit?" Jim was sarcastic. Spock pulled himself out of his uniform and lay on the bed in just his underwear. "Computer, raise temperature-" Jim began.

"No," Spock breathed, and Jim stopped. "I am too warm as it is."

Jim frowned. "Spock, you're freezing. Your hands are Popsicles."

Spock scooted up the bed until he was sitting against the bulkhead. "Jim," he began, and a shiver ran through his body. "I was unsure until I saw the neuroscanner results yesterday. Then I did not know what to do afterward," Spock admitted.

"Well, if this is the same thing you and Solion told me about, uh, it's pretty obvious what needs to happen. I mean, is there anything else? Don't you need to go home or something?" Jim sat down carefully beside Spock and began pulling off his uniform.

Spock went still, and cast his eyes downward. He did not answer. Instead, he began reciting a long, complex formula he was working with in the lab. "…x-squared minus v to the eighth six times…."

"Spock." Jim crawled up on the bed and captured a hand. "Spock, what did I say wrong?"

" _newvulcanisnothome_ " was the quiet, mumbled reply.

"What?"

"New Vulcan is not home." Spock pulled his hand away and began to trace patterns on the bedclothes. "Everything we are, everything we ever have been, has been formed around our planet. Our biorhythms, our culture, everything was built around the second planet orbiting 40 Eridani." He took a shaking breath and made a weak fist. "Now that it is no more, I do not know how these things work. I am uncertain, and too ashamed to ask the questions that need asking."

Jim closed his eyes in both pain and frustration. _Then I'll have to ask,_ he sent.

_I doubt you will receive the answers you desire._ Spock was resigned.

Jim opened his eyes and glared at his mate. "You mean to tell me nobody will answer a direct question? I'm not going to the freaking media over it; I just need to know so I can get you through this." Jim got up and went to the computer. "I know who will answer."

"Do not bother him," Spock protested.

"Screw that. He'll answer, and I'm asking. It won't be a bother to him." Jim dialed the number. Belatedly, he checked the chronometer again. It was almost ten at night there.

"Hello?" came the quiet response.

"Solion, it's Jim. Are you alone?" Jim sat down at the computer desk to preserve the modicum of modesty he was still clinging to.

"I am alone. How are you?"

"Listen, this is going to be awkward. I don't know who else to call. Spock's gone into _pon farr_ and he said something about it being different with Vulcan being gone. What do I do?" Jim threw everything on the table, figuratively. He watched as the older Vulcan went still in a very familiar way and began to study the keyboard of the comm. station.

"I _distinctly_ remember me asking you not to disturb the ambassador with this problem," Spock snapped.

At the sound of his counterpart's voice, Solion looked back up. "It is not a bother, _tomasu._ You are not the first to face this particular dilemma, nor will you be the last. Not for another generation. There is nothing that _can_ be done at this point, James. You know what normally quells the insanity. That is all you can do at this point." Solion gritted his teeth for a moment. "Please call for help if it becomes any worse."

Solion paused for a moment, and then asked a hesitant question. "Does Dr. McCoy know what is occurring?"

"Bones guessed about the cure, but he wasn't aiming for it. He's going to keep an eye on us and he took us both off duty for a couple of days. Why?" Jim looked back to check on his mate.

"It would be best if he were brought 'into the loop' so to speak. Is Dr. M'Benga on board still?" Solion looked at Jim hopefully.

"Dammit. No. He left last year to return to New Vulcan to help on the planet." Jim thought about it for a moment. "Should we just head for New Vulcan?"

"Not at this time." "NO." Two eerily similar voices rang out at the same time. Well, one spoke and the other shouted. Jim looked back and forth between the screen and the bed.

"I do not wish to involve anyone else in this matter, Jim. I expect you to honor my wishes in this." Spock narrowed his eyes at his partner. Jim blew out a breath and glanced back at Solion. "James…" Spock warned him.

"Do as your _sa-telsu_ requests, James. There have been very few fatalities in this – "

"Fatalities? They've _died_ over this shit?" Jim was on his feet, heedless of his Pink Panther boxers showing.

"James. A Vulcan male can go quite far before any lasting damage is done. I myself had chosen to let the madness take me in the end before my Jim showed up alive and well. Simply let nature take its course and watch him carefully. This may all resolve itself without any problem."

Solion leaned back. "Now, I will tell you this much. In the latter stages, a Vulcan will become extremely possessive. Do not attempt to contact me again until you have resolved your difficulties. I wish you the best of luck." Solion raised one hand in the _ta'al_ and used the other to cut the connection.

Jim sat back down and stared at the computer terminal. "Do not…? Possessive…? What is he talking about, Spock?"

Spock was curled up in a ball on the bed and did not attempt to answer. Jim got up and crawled back on the bed to run his fingers through his husband's hair. It always amused him to mess it up. Now it was just a pathetic stab at normalcy.

"Hey, mister, what do we do now? Do we just … you know … go at it?" Jim swallowed softly.

"I need to meld with you for it to be effective," Spock muttered, shaking his head so his bangs fell back into place.

"Okay. Then, uh, let's do this." Jim scrunched down until he was face-to-face with Spock. "Meld away."

Spock closed his eyes briefly. "I find I do not wish to."

Jim wrinkled his nose. "You don't _want_ to? Like, now? Or whatsoever? 'Cause this isn't going to just go away with a wish and a prayer. Hon, you've got to do this, so do it." Jim grabbed a hand and tried clumsily to position Spock's fingers on his psi points. "Meld with me."

"No." Spock pulled his hand back stubbornly. "Jim, this is hard enough on me as it is. Your mockery of my situation is not helping."

Jim sat up in disbelief. "Mockery? _Mockery?_ How is this a mockery? Jesus Christ, I'm doing everything but stripping and raping you! You need to mate, you need to meld, and I'm offering myself to you, what the hell else do you want from me?" He tucked his legs under himself and began poking at his quiet partner.

"Hey. Hey." Jim poked him in the shoulder. "Hey, you stubborn bastard, I'm talking to you. What else do you want?" **

* * *

Spock moved so fluidly, so quickly, that Jim didn't have a prayer. Instantly he found himself pinned under a considerably heavier mate. His hands were bound above his head and his feet were held in place by Spock's. Spock's breath was whistling through clinched teeth and his eyes were mere slits. Jim went limp and projected gentle thoughts through their bond.

" _You will submit to me,_ " Spock whispered harshly.

"Submitting," squeaked Jim. Spock moved Jim's wrists together so one hand was holding his wrists and the other was roaming all over Jim's body. Spock quickly removed Jim's boxers and captured a prize midway down the body. Jim squirmed a little.

"I said _submit,_ " Spock reminded him. He caressed the flesh roughly and Jim swallowed. Strangely enough, all thoughts of an erotic nature had fled his mind when his husband had pulled a Jekyll and Hyde. He couldn't get aroused now if he tried. Spock seemed to sense this and flipped Jim over on his stomach effortlessly. Sliding out of his underwear, he began an assault from behind. Jim tried his hardest to hold still.

Spock growled and everything that had ever defined their lovemaking went out the window. What ensued was neither caring, nor gentle. It was rough, possessive, dominating, and quite honestly painful. Jim bit his lip so hard at one point that he drew blood. Bright red streaks crisscrossed the bed sheets where his mouth trailed a path back and forth, up and down. Still, the assault did not ease. Jim found himself reciting 18th century poetry in his mind to keep his sanity. He was beyond feeling pain by that point.

* * *

**After forty-five minutes Spock's left hand trailed up the bed and his fingers fastened on Jim's psi points. Strangely enough, the physical attack had been brutal, but the mind that entered Jim's was light, almost childlike.

_T'hy'la!_ Spock greeted his not-so-willing partner enthusiastically. When nothing but poetry answered him, Spock's physical motions began to wane and the mind became more insistent.

_Jim?_ Spock slowed further. _Why are you reciting poetry? You only recite poetry when … you … are … frightened._ Spock withdrew from his physical actions and sat up. Jim did not move from his position on the bed. Spock's sensitive nose caught the tangy scent of human blood and suddenly time ground to a halt.

"Jim?" Spock's voice was rough. "Jim, please speak to me. I am so sorry. I am so sorry, _t'hy'la._ Are you injured?" Spock rolled Jim over gently and inspected his body. There was some dried blood on his lips and tear tracks down his face. His breath came in shallow bursts, which indicated some possible internal trauma. Spock's hands traced gentle patterns up and down his partner's body, trying to assess the damage.

"I will call Dr. McCoy," Spock breathed, and started to get up when a weak hand closed on his wrist. He sat back down. "What is it, _ashayam_?"

"You're …." Jim's breath caught for a moment. "You're not … done yet."

Actual tears grew in Spock's eyes. His chest felt as though a band were encircling it. He sank down and drew his mate up in his arms.

" _T'hy'la,_ you are injured. I cannot allow this to continue. I will find another way." A single tear dropped down Spock's cheek and landed in Jim's eyelashes.

"No," Jim whispered. "I'm alright. Just, get it over with." His last statement was ground out at a considerable cost.

Spock's shame tripled. "I cannot…."

" _Do it._ " Jim panted and slapped Spock's hand back to the side of his head. "Meld with me. Fuck me. Do what you have to. You're not dying over this bullshit. Not on my watch."

Spock fought hard but the ancient drive was too strong. He was overcome, and soon remounted his mate. Over and over; mating, melding, mating, melding. After nearly two hours, Spock took a break. He replicated some cool fruit and brought the plate over to his exhausted partner.

"Eat, _t'hy'la._ " Spock eased a piece of cantaloupe between Jim's swollen lips. "This has nutrients and liquids. It is important that you eat this." Jim ate listlessly and fell asleep after being left relatively alone for almost fifteen minutes.


	4. It's Hard For Me To Say I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath makes itself known.

Another day and night passed in this same manner. An exhausting pattern formed. After nearly forty hours, there was a soft knock at the door. Spock was lying on the bed, watching Jim sleep. He slipped on his pants and answered the door. Dr. McCoy stood outside.

"Hey, Spock. I just wanted to check on you. How are you feeling?" McCoy looked the commander over.

Spock made his decision quickly. "Doctor, your assistance is needed inside. Please join us." Spock ushered the doctor in.

McCoy blinked at the condition of the room. Books had been knocked off the bedside table. The bed was completely destroyed. Jim lay under a sheet, strangely quiescent. Spock motioned to Jim and sank down in a chair.

"I believe I may have injured him," Spock began, and McCoy moved forward quickly to examine his best friend.

There were dark bruises around his wrists, and one wrist was sprained. Jim had nearly put a tooth through his bottom lip in one place; it was still weeping sluggishly. McCoy took a deep breath and pulled the sheet back farther. What he found took his breath away. He took in the blood and swelling and felt his teeth beginning to grind.

"Spock, would you care to explain to me why the captain is in this condition?" McCoy shot a harrowing look at the Vulcan. Jim stirred weakly and McCoy covered him up again. "There _is_ an explanation for this, correct Commander? Because I'm thinking charges are in order, and that's if I'm feeling generous."

"'Sokay, Bones," came the soft voice. McCoy leaned down to listen. "It was my choice. I'm not pressing charges."

"Jim, this is abuse. There is nothing you can tell me that will excuse this clusterfuck." McCoy gently rolled Jim over and began palpitating his abdomen to check for damage.

"He didn't mean to. He had no control over it. He was going to die, Bones." Jim breathed the last statement out painfully as McCoy hit a tender spot.

"Oh, kiddo, I'm going to take your word for this and I won't press charges. But if you think I'm ever going to forget or forgive what I've just seen, you've got another thing coming." McCoy eased Jim into a sitting position. "Can you get dressed? I've got to get you to Sickbay with as little fuss as possible."

"I will assist you," Spock began.

" _You stay away from him!_ " McCoy raised his voice and the commander fell silent. "I don't want you _touching_ him until I'm for certain what you did to him. Get dressed if you're coming with us."

Spock dressed quickly and stood by the door, waiting for his husband and the doctor to be ready. When they were the three walked to Sickbay slowly. Fortune was on their side for now; they passed no one else on their path down. They arrived at the medical bay and the doors parted soundlessly for the trio. Spock stood in the corner and watched McCoy take Jim to a biobed. He felt movement beside him and turned to find the two security guards beside him.

"Is the captain alright, sir?" Delarkan asked him.

Spock looked back to the still form across the room. "I am certain he will be well." Jim couldn't be anything else. It would be just too painful. Spock watched McCoy lower the diagnostic panels of the biobed and begin scanning Jim's abdomen. From his expression, the damage was not that severe. The doctor shot a dark look over to Spock and returned the panels to their resting places.

Spock wandered over and stood by Jim's bed side quietly. Jim had his eyes closed and was breathing softly. He seemed to be in less pain now.

"I gave him something to help him sleep," McCoy muttered when he came back. "On top of the physical damage, he's exhausted and dehydrated. Look, you and I need to have a sit-down, and I mean right this minute. I swear to God Spock, if you don't have an explanation for this…."

"There is an explanation, no matter how unsatisfactory it may be. If we may use your office…?" Spock gestured back to the enclosed room. McCoy nodded and they walked back to his office. When they went inside McCoy set the door to privacy lock and stared down the commander, who sat uneasily in a chair. "Doctor, I do not know how to begin to explain this."

"Start from the beginning. Usually helps."

Spock lowered his head and began to softly explain _pon farr_ , the mating drive. He told the doctor everything he knew, and everything he had been told. He told him everything he could remember happening with Jim, and what would happen now.

"You mean this happens on a regular basis?" McCoy gaped at the man across from him.

"It is supposed to happen every seven years. However, it has been reported that some rhythms have been disturbed by space travel." _And hybrid makeup,_ Spock's mind supplied.

"But this is going to happen again." The medic growled out a response.

"Affirmative," Spock replied softly. McCoy thumped a fist down on his desk and lowered his head. "Doctor, if you believe Jim is in too much danger, I will leave him. His life is more important to me. I can find another mate." Just then there was a spike of pain through the bond and Spock jumped up. "Jim!" They ran back out and found him sitting on the side of the biobed.

"You're going to leave me?" Jim gasped. He was ashy white and unsteady, but not from the pain he had endured earlier.

Spock's lips pressed into a tiny line. "Jim, I cannot risk your life."

"Fuck that. I volunteered for this and I don't want to be saved. Not by you, Bones, and not by you either Spock. I'm fine. It just wore me out a little. And I bit my lip. Big deal. I've done that plenty of times before." Jim slid off the biobed and McCoy shut off the alarms that were ringing.

" _T'hy'la,_ " Spock began. "I hurt you. That is inexcusable."

"Are you alive?" Jim posed. Spock nodded. "Are you going to survive until the next time?" Again Spock nodded his head. "Then that's all that matters to me. I love you, and I'm going to keep on loving you for as long as I can. I don't want you to leave because of this. Please don't leave me," Jim sighed, leaning against his mate.

Spock wrapped his arms protectively around his husband. "Very well. I will not leave. You need to lie back down, Jim." Spock led him back to the biobed.

"Can I leave, Bones? You know I hate sleeping in Sickbay." Jim pressed against the side of the bed reluctantly.

McCoy hemmed and hawed for a while before nodding his head. "Sure, kid. I don't want to see you back in here anytime soon." Then the doctor turned to the Vulcan. "And I don't want to see _you_ period. Don't speak to me. Don't look at me. Don't sit with me at dinner. Leave me alone. I haven't forgiven you for this."

"But Bones, it wasn't his fault!" Jim objected.

"He may be forty times stronger, but he's got an obligation to rein in that power. I don't know how much I buy his story. All I know is what condition I found you in. I will never forget that sight as long as I live, Jim. I can't forgive him. Not yet." McCoy turned to walk away.

"Bones, will you at least call off the goon squad so we can go back to normal?" posed the young captain.

McCoy glanced across the room and motioned to the security officers. "Benivan, Delarkan, you're excused. The commander is going to be fine. I'll follow up with the captain on my own. Thank you."

The two saluted and walked off gratefully. Jim narrowed his eyes at his best friend and glared between him and the other man.

"You two are going to fight this out, aren't you? You're really going to hold Spock responsible for something that's been happening naturally to Vulcans since before we walked upright. Get a grip, Bones." Jim grabbed Spock's sleeve and pulled him forward. "Come on, hon. We don't need this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The worst is over ... or is it? Stay tuned to this channel! :D


	5. When You've Got Your Back To The Wall

"Jim," Spock objected, but went along willingly. Jim eased his way through the ship as quickly as he could, one hand still clutching Spock's shirt sleeve. They got back to their quarters and Jim walked in and motioned for Spock to go ahead. Jim walked into the bathroom and Spock heard the shower turn on. Spock sat at the desk.

Jim was singing in the shower. That was a good sign, right? He must have been feeling a little better to be singing, right? Spock wished he knew. He sat for a while and felt his heart beating in his side. It was down from its previous rate. His mind felt clearer too. The sweating had pretty much stopped; well, now it was a cold sweat he broke out in every time he remembered the scent of blood. His beloved's blood. Whatever madness had gripped him in the past, it was over now. Now he had the aftereffects to suffer. No, nothing physical. Just the terror of the fact that he hurt his mate.

Spock thought for a moment, and in his terror a new bravery grew. He turned on the computer and dialed the number. It was mid-afternoon on New Vulcan. Hopefully he wouldn't mind him calling with no warning. He tried him at home first.

The call connected after an agonizing five minutes. "Hello?"

"Father," Spock began. "I apologize for the suddenness of this call. I need to speak to you."

Sarek sat down at the comm. station and put down his book. "Has James been injured?"

Spock closed his eyes momentarily. "Yes, Father, but this time it was by my own hand." Sarek stared at his son and Spock continued. "Father, I am an adult now."

Sarek took in a deep breath. "Oh, child. I am sorry. I did not adequately prepare you for this. How seriously is James injured?"

At that time, Jim walked out of the bathroom dressed in his sweatpants. "Father, I'm not hurt that badly. I get worse in the line of duty. I think Bones just freaked when he saw the blood – "

"Blood?" Sarek paled. "How much?"

Jim thought about it. "Just some streaks. Nothing serious. Oh and…" he gestured to his mouth "…I bit my lip. That's where most of the blood came from honestly." Jim walked behind his mate and began rubbing his shoulders. "I'm glad it's every seven years and not every seven days."

"You appear to have weathered it as well as can be expected, sons." Sarek looked back at Spock. "What do you need from me? What can I do to help?"

"Was Mother ever injured in your Times, Father?" Spock asked the question that had been burning in his mind.

Sarek went still and averted his eyes. "Yes. She broke her wrist when you were conceived. I displaced her hip the next time. However, the healer said she had fared well, considering she was human."

"I remember that," Spock nodded thoughtfully. "You sent me to stay at S'ever's house for a week, and when I returned Mother was walking strangely. She favored her left side." Spock paused. "But I do not remember anything further. How did she not become injured in the subsequent Times?"

Sarek had the decency to look embarrassed. "We ceased waiting until my Times came to mate. The … 'practice' … assisted her for the trials she would endure at a later date."

Jim squeezed Spock's shoulder. "So, uh, exercising regularly helps when the marathon comes?"

Sarek sighed. "Essentially." He looked at the two men over the connection. "Is there anything else I can do for you, sons?" Both shook their heads. "Very well. I will let you return to your day. It is actually night there, correct? I suggest you both sleep. Thank you for informing me, and Spock?" Spock looked at his father. "Welcome to _an'pre'le._ "

Spock shut down the computer and Jim peered around at his face. "Hey, what's annpraylee?"

" _An'pre'le."_ Spock blushed for a moment. "My father just officially welcomed me to adulthood." Jim wrapped his arms around his mate. "Do you wish to rest now, _ashayam_?"

"Mmm. Rest sounds good. I'm also freaking _starving._ I could eat a…." Jim trailed off.

"Jim, after what you have endured, I will not begrudge you eating meat products at this time. Eat whatever will make you feel best." Spock went to the bed and began stripping the soaked and ruined sheets off the mattress. Jim watched him for a moment, looking embarrassed. Spock looked back up after a time. "What is it, _t'hy'la?_ "

"I wanted to go down to the Mess Hall."

"Very well."

Jim paused again. "I wanted to go with _you._ "

Spock placed the sheets beside the laundry bag and pulled out the fresh set they kept. "I will make the bed first, because you will undoubtedly be exhausted once you have tended to your appetite. Allow me this courtesy for you."

Jim came up beside the bed. "Spock, you're acting like you've got to atone for this horrible sin you've committed. You didn't do anything wrong. I've seen videos get more violent. I just wasn't prepared."

Spock restacked the books that had fallen off Jim's night stand and began shaking out the fitted sheet. "I am not the one you need to convince," he murmured. He smoothed the sheet down and began to place the top sheet on.

Jim sighed. "Yeah, Bones is pissed. He's just really, _really_ old-fashioned. I'm surprised he was even okay with us getting married. He thinks there are certain things that you just _do not do._ One of those is hurt your spouse. Of course, in his world that makes me the battered wife, but _c'est_ _la vie._ "

Spock got the top cover to the bed and began spreading it down. "There are certain instances I am strongly opposed to as well. Certainly not the least of which is hurting you." He placed the pillows back on the bed and stood up. "Shall we go to the cafeteria and get you nutrition?"

The Mess Hall was not that full, being the middle of Gamma shift. Jim got a tuna fish sandwich because that was what he was craving. Spock got a glass of milk and sat by his husband. They talked briefly about the upcoming end of the mission.

"What do you think, Spock? Re-up for another five?" Jim bit into his sandwich.

"I will remain by your side," Spock avoided the question.

"Mmph. Mwha abmph…" Jim swallowed and tried again. "What about your wants and needs, Spock? Is there a ship you'd like to be on? Is there a post you've had your heart set on?"

Spock smiled very briefly. "When one is given the best from the start, other choices lose their appeal. I had wanted to be on the flagship of the Federation from the beginning of my enlistment." He took a sip of milk. "I had wanted to be the First Officer of that ship." Then Spock slid his foot against Jim's under the table. "I had wanted to 'settle down.' I have achieved all of these goals and more. What comes next I do not know."

Jim got up and returned his tray and cautiously stretched. "I'm thinking of re-upping. Do this all over again. You and me, and the beautiful lady here. See what trouble we can get into for another five years, eh?"

Spock returned his glass and stood by his mate. "Very well. We will reenlist in our current places."

But there was a twitch through the bond and Jim paused mid-stride. "Wait, what about teaching?" Spock tried unsuccessfully to look mystified. "No, no, what was that about teaching? You want to go back to teaching at the Academy?"

"It was something I had been considering seriously the past three months. It is not that I am unhappy in my current posting. I simply felt a great deal of achievement broadening minds as well." Spock gestured for Jim to walk with him back to their rooms.

"Well, I'm sure I could get a teaching post. We could grade each other's students and play hooky together and get an apartment there in Frisco!" Jim beamed. "Do you want to?"

"We will see. We do not have to have our answers into the detailer for another month." Spock opened the door to their room and led his husband in. "Do you wish to rest now, _ashayam_?"

"Naaaaaaa – " Jim began to yawn midway through his answer. Spock pulled the sheets down on the bed and got out his pajamas. "No, I'm fine," Jim answered finally.

"There is no shame in being tired, _t'hy'la_. You will more than likely be on duty tomorrow anyway. Come to bed and you will feel better in the morning." Spock checked the chronometer. "You will be rising in five hours regardless. Can you begrudge yourself five hours of rest?"

Jim's eyes had taken on a curious appearance as Spock was talking. They were wide, and somewhat glassy. His breathing had grown shallow. He had also backed toward the door subconsciously. Spock looked up and found his mate in this condition. He edged closer to the other man.

"Jim?"

" _No,"_ Jim whispered.

"No? _No_ what, _t'hy'la_?" Spock reached out cautiously. The bond was resonating with fear. "Jim, of what are you frightened?" Jim cast his eyes down and the answer came across the bond as bidden. "You are frightened of me. You do not feel safe enough to sleep with me." Spock nodded slowly. "Very well. Jim, I will sleep in my old room. You will have two doors locked to my presence. Will that ease your mind?"

Jim looked up with big tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Spock. I – "

Spock gathered his pajamas and got a clean uniform from the closet. "Good night, James." He walked past Jim and out the main door.

Jim sank down where he had stood, trembling. He had to get over this fear. He knew in his heart of hearts that Spock would never hurt him. So why was he so afraid? He got up and went to the bed. It seemed so big and empty now. Jim pulled off his clothes and threw them to the floor and climbed in the bed. The sheets smelled like fresh laundry soap. He pulled Spock's pillow to his chest and called for the lights to turn off. After five minutes in the dark, a steady sobbing echoed.

In the next room, a pair of eyes stared into the darkness without blinking. Neither party rested well that night.


	6. When Out of Nowhere ....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ca-ca gonna hit the fan, and now you know why this is definitely an AU. Get ready for the fireworks!

Jim woke slowly. He wondered why the alarm hadn't gone off, but when he checked the chronometer, it was only six fifteen in the morning. He sighed and sat up. That had to have been the roughest sleep he'd had in years. He felt across the bond and found it to be blocked, probably not out of malice but due to meditation. He guessed he'd have to ask Spock to his face how _his_ night was.

As he got ready for the day, Jim fielded a couple of messages that had backlogged in his computer system. Just as he was pulling on his uniform top, an incoming call sounded. Curious, he went over and answered it.

"Kirk."

"Jimmy?" It took only one word from the young woman for Jim's world to totally fall apart. He edged backward into his seat.

"Carol?" He smiled weakly. "How are you? How did you find me? No, never mind. Just, how are you?"

She flipped her long blond hair back. "It's been so long. I, uh, hear you're the captain of the _Enterprise_ now."

"Yeah," he breathed. "For another couple of months, anyway. God, how are you?" he repeated helplessly. Then he laughed.

Carol took a breath. "I'm fine. _We're_ fine. Jimmy, there's someone I need to introduce you to…."

Jim's stomach turned flip-flops. She had called to introduce him to a new lover? What, was she getting married? Did she want his blessing? He hadn't gotten hers to marry Spock. Not that he _could_ have. He couldn't have found her. He was mulling this over when a tiny hand waved in front of the camera. Carol bent down and lifted the child up into her lap.

"Jimmy, this is David." Carol waved David's hand at the camera.

Jim's stomach had quit doing flip-flops and was now on a steep dive down. The boy appeared to be about five years old. He had blond hair and clear blue eyes. Five years. He hadn't seen Carol in five years. This meant….

"Carol," he breathed. "Is that… is he my …."

Carol's eyes turned cold. "By genetics only. I wanted you to know what you lost. What you _gave up_ when you went on your merry little space flight. I hear you're married now. To a man. That figures." She set the boy down and told him to 'go play.' "I didn't want you finding out any other way and trying to play the hero. We don't need you in our lives. I have David in my world. That's where he's going to stay."

Jim choked. "But—what if he asks about me? What if he wants to know who his father is someday?" Jim was floored. "What can I do, Carol? What can I do to show you how much I want to know him? God, Carol, you know … you fucking _know_ I grew up without a father. I can't do that to my son."

Carol pulled her hair back into a tight bun. "What? You want to give me proof? Settle down, Jimmy. Get a real job. Find a planet somewhere and stay put for longer than a week. Be a _real_ man." She sighed. "How am I supposed to explain to David that his father's gay?"

"Bi," he corrected absently, and she snorted. "That shouldn't matter. It's not something you discuss with a fucking five year old, Carol. And what about Starfleet isn't real? Were you aware that I helped save the entire fucking planet a couple of years back? I _am_ a real man, Carol. Whether I'm on a ship or on a planet. And I'm David's father, dammit. I deserve to be in his life."

"Yes, Jimmy, you've really grown up. Your mastery of the Standard language proves that. You were smart, Jimmy. So much smarter than those overgrown Boy Scouts. You had potential. Why didn't you apply yourself? Why didn't you go into the civilian sector?"

She picked at her nails. "I came to look for you. When David was two. I had a weak moment. I wanted us to be a family. I had to be told you were off warping through the galaxy. I kept in touch with your mom, Jimmy. And wasn't I the shocked one when she told me you were coming home for Christmas with your _husband_? Husband. An alien, at that. Real swift, Jimmy."

"My name is Jim, and my husband's name is Spock. I love him, Carol, as much as I loved you. Maybe more. I'm not going to apologize for the greatest thing to happen to me in this cruise." Jim stood unsteadily.

"Well, I hope your husband can bear you lots of children. Oh, that's right, he _can't._ Your mom will only have you to blame for being denied access to her only grandchild." Carol's eyes were a stormy blue.

"You're – " Jim leaned in to the screen. "You're not even going to let his grandmother see him? What the fuck do you want, Carol? What hoop do I have to jump through to make this right?"

"It's going to be like this. You need to find a permanent job somewhere on a safe planet. If you can't give up your beloved Starfleet then take a planet posting. I want you to ditch the freak show you're attached to and straighten your life out. Literally. Keep your mother informed, but do not mention David." Carol leaned in to the screen. "If you tell her about David, our deal is off. I'll check in on you from time to time. If I like what I see, we'll revisit our little agreement."

Jim took a step back in protest. "That's all?" he asked sarcastically.

"When does your tour end with the _Enterprise_?"

"Four months," Jim choked out.

"You have four months to make your decision. If you re-up – "

"I have to tell my detailer next month!" Jim protested.

"Okay, so you have a month. Make your decision wisely, Jimmy. This is very serious. I do not make threats lightly. If you try to stay married to that _thing_ , the deal is off. If you take another posting on a ship, the deal is off. Oh, and watch the booze, Jimmy. Don't think I've forgotten everything you told me. I've got my eye on you."

In the background, David called for his mother. Jim strained to listen to his voice one more time. "Carol," he whispered.

She reached out to the comm. station. "Clock's ticking, Jimmy," she purred, and cut the connection.

Jim did the only thing that had been on his mind since the conversation began. He bolted to the bathroom and threw up.


	7. And Here's Where We Fall Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Kinda a long one, kinda a rough one. Brace yourselves.

Spock felt a spike of nausea shoot through the bond as he surfaced from meditation. His stomach clinched and he stood quickly. He went to the bathroom door and knocked on it.

"Jim? Are you well? Jim?" Spock listened carefully and heard retching and the toilet flushing. Then the door slid open in front of him. " _T'hy'la!_ " Spock exclaimed. Jim looked like hell. "What is wrong? What has happened? Should I contact Dr. McCoy?"

Jim shook his head in answer to the last question. "Spock, I don't know how to tell you what just happened. Will you meld with me?"

Spock led them both to his narrow bunk and eased them down. He raised one hand and connected to the psi points on Jim's face. When he entered Jim's mind, Jim shivered. Jim thrust the memory forward, starting from the beginning of the call. Spock's shock was evident even in the meld. They came to the end of the memory and Spock surfaced first. He leaned back away from his mate.

"You have a son." It was the first thing Spock could think of. Then he blinked. "Your son's mother is insisting you leave this marriage in order to have a relationship with your son." He took in a deep breath. Then he forged ahead. "And you want my blessing."

Jim looked at Spock helplessly. "He's … he's my _son_ , Spock. I have a little boy. And if I don't do what she says, he's going to grow up without a father."

Spock stood slowly. Time seemed to have slowed for him, and he distantly observed the phenomenon with a scientist's mind. He had received bad news, and the mind was taking its time processing said news. Had time actually slowed or was this a neurological reaction? He would have to write a paper and test the theory further. In the furthest reaches of his mind, it registered to him that Jim had begun crying.

Finally Spock turned back to his husband, who wouldn't be his husband much longer. "I will not keep you against your will, James. If you wish to dissolve our marriage, I will not fight you. If you will excuse me, sir, I will be late to duty." Spock walked out of the door woodenly.

Jim lay down on the bed and cried even harder. Why was she doing this to him? Why was _he_ doing this to _Spock_? No matter which way he turned somebody got hurt. But Spock could find another mate. David would only have one father. His tears slowed and he took a couple of hitching breaths. When he had calmed he went into the bathroom and washed his face. After a while he left for the relative safety of the bridge. His day had officially begun.

There was a marked quietude about the bridge that day. There was no banter between the science station and the command center. There wasn't any open hostility either, which confused the bridge crew. Everyone just seemed a little more subdued.

Spock stood briefly and walked over to Uhura's station. He handed her a disc and whispered to her. She looked up and nodded, smiling gently at him. Jim ignored the exchange. He was busy making plans in his own head for what he was going to do. He figured he had two months of leave stored up. He could just disappear early and no one would be the wiser. He could go to Earth and try to find David. _And Carol,_ his mind added, and he sighed.

The workday was over sooner than Jim expected. He turned the bridge over to his relief and walked over to the turbolift. Spock was waiting for the lift as well. They looked each other over.

"Rough day," Jim started. Spock nodded. "Um, listen, can I talk to you for a second?" Jim pleaded.

"Whatever you have to say will undoubtedly take longer than 'a second'," responded the Vulcan dryly.

"Can we just go back to our quarters?" Jim was exasperated. They got on the lift and Jim pressed the button for their deck. When they arrived Spock walked out first. Jim followed behind quietly. They entered the room and Spock stood at the doorway.

"Very well. I am here. What do you have to say?"

Jim hesitated. "I know this isn't the greatest thing to happen to us, and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But you understand, don't you Spock? I mean, what if it were your kid?"

Spock blinked. "I cannot father children. I will never be placed in this position."

Jim sat on the edge of the bed. "You can't have kids? Jeez, Spock, I'm sorry." He looked down at the floor. After a long while he continued. "But can you at least imagine, for a moment, if you _did_ have children? What wouldn't you do for them?"

Spock stared at his mate. His ex-mate. "James, I would do anything I could for my child. I do not hold you responsible for your son's mother's reactions. I am releasing you from our vows. What else would you have me do?"

_FIGHT!_ The thought came clear across the bond and Spock took in a sudden breath. Apparently Jim wasn't as calm about this as he pretended to be.

"You wish me to fight for you, _t'hy'la_?" Spock walked forward. "If you do not wish to end our marriage then why did you request it of me this morning?"

Jim lay back on the bed. "God, Spock, I don't know. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either I lose the man who means the most to me in my life, or I lose my one and only son. I don't know what to do." He sat up and pointed a finger at his mate. "But you're the brilliant one. You could find a way around this. Isn't there some legal loophole she left open?"

Spock considered the matter at length. "In actuality, 'loopholes' are difficult to maneuver in child custody cases. Often, the losing parent takes the child and disappears. Authorities do not have the means to search every planet for the missing parent and child."

Jim sighed. "You're right, of course. So I have to leave you?" he whispered.

"It would appear if you wish to have a relationship with your son, ours must end. I am sorry, _ashayam;_ it would seem I have failed you." Spock turned away and headed for the bathroom.

"Spock!" Jim cried out. Spock turned back briefly. "I love you," Jim mumbled.

In Spock's quarters the computer was on and a message came through. He sat down to read it, and then he nodded. It appeared Starfleet was willing to let him leave now if he so desired. He had two months leave built up, a month of terminal leave, and he had requested a month off without pay. He was cleared to leave as soon as he could arrange transportation. He checked the chronometer; it was just past eight in the morning on New Vulcan. He would be in his office.

Spock dialed the number slowly. When the screen changed he sat up straight in his chair.

"Vulcan Embassy, Ambassador Sarek's office." The assistant looked up briefly.

"Greetings. This is Spock. I wish to speak with the ambassador." Spock showed her the _ta'al._

"Greetings, Spock. One moment." The assistant returned the gesture and placed him on hold. While he was waiting Spock considered how much to tell his father over the comm. and how much he would have to tell him in person. He would have preferred to not be making the call whatsoever.

"Son. It is pleasing to hear from you. Are you well?" Sarek sat behind his large desk, writing on a padd. His eyes did not meet the screen, and Spock was thankful for small favors.

"I will be returning home, Father, and I wished to request transportation arrangements." Spock glanced at the bathroom connection and wondered what his partner was doing. The bond seemed heavy and sad.

"When will you be returning?"

"Immediately." Spock bit the inside of his cheek in nervousness.

Sarek put down his stylus and looked up. "Immediately? I understood you had four months left on this mission. Has something happened?" Spock looked down, and Sarek leaned in closer. "Son, has something happened? Is James well?"

Spock sighed and did the very thing he had wanted not to do. "Father, James is terminating our relationship. There are extenuating circumstances. Now is not the time to discuss it. Will you arrange transportation?"

Sarek got up and shut his door and sat back down at his desk. "Son, your mate is terminating your relationship? How extenuating can the circumstances be? Let me speak to him." He sat patiently.

"Father, James is not in my room at the moment."

" _Your_ room. James is not there? Very well. I will call him." Sarek reached to terminate the connection, and Spock sat forward.

"Father, I do not wish you to speak to him about this. I simply need transportation home. Will you assist me or shall I make arrangements on my own?" Spock posed.

Sarek narrowed his eyes at his son. "What do you intend to do once you have arrived?"

Spock sighed. "It is my understanding that the Kolinahr program has resumed. I intend to apply to study with the Masters."

"You are aware, of course, that you will be forced to remove yourself from every worldly connection you possess. You will not be James' _sa-telsu_ ; you will not be my son. You will be a singularity, at one with nothing but pure logic." Sarek held a hand out in a plea. "Do you really want to take that drastic a step?"

"It is my only option, Father. When should I expect transportation?" Spock had given up on being polite by that point.

"I will send a shuttle to pick you up within two days' time. This is truly your desire?" Sarek asked again.

"Thank you, Father. Peace and long life." Spock gave the _ta'al_ and signed off.

Sarek sat back and considered what his son was doing. Apparently James had hurt Spock deeply. Would he even be able to find final peace in Kolinahr? Abruptly Sarek placed a call.

Jim was packing his belongings in his room. He had gotten permission from Starfleet to leave early; he had two months leave and was taking two months without pay for what he had termed a 'family emergency'. Luckily, Starfleet didn't ask too many questions. His computer chimed and he went to answer the call.

"Kirk."

"James." It was Sarek, and Sarek didn't seem very happy at the moment. Jim figured he and Spock had spoken.

"Ambassador Sarek."

"So it is not 'Father' anymore? You have severed your ties that quickly?" Sarek's eyes were as cold as his voice.

Jim sat down at the computer. "I don't expect you to understand. Hell, _I_ don't understand. I am sorry, though. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"You never meant to bond with my son or you never meant to stay?" Sarek questioned.

"Neither, God! I never meant to hurt him. If things were different – "

" _Things_ are not different, James. Spock is making plans to return home. Without you. What happens after that I cannot control. I am affording you the opportunity to explain your side of this debacle." Sarek folded his hands in front of the screen.

Jim blew a short breath out between his lips. "I can't. I don't have an explanation, at least not one that's going to satisfy you. Spock says he understands my reasons – "

"You are Spock's _t'hy'la_. He would allow you to end his life if you declared it necessary. You are doing him a grave injustice." Sarek shook his head. "Are you aware of what you will have to do to accomplish this feat? And what the results will be?"

"No." Jim sat forward. "But I need to know. What do I have to do?"

"You must return to New Vulcan and meet with the clan Matriarch. She will declare the union null and void. However, you will never fully be removed from Spock. A _t'hy'la_ bond cannot be severed. You will forever be connected to his mind." Sarek paused. "Even should he wish it not to be."

Jim digested that tidbit of information for a while, and then nodded. "I understand. I _am_ sorry about this, Ambassador."

"When do you intend to return to New Vulcan, Captain?" Sarek was resigned to the outcome.

"I'll let you know. I have some things I have to take care of myself. I'm leaving the ship as soon as possible. I'll get in touch with _you_." Jim stood. "Thank you, sir."

"Do not thank me. I do not approve of your actions. I merely assist for my son's sake. Peace and long life, Captain." Sarek cut the connection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OMG bbs I know this seems bleak but as I've assured several reviewers now, I WRITE LOVE STORIES. This will have a happy ending, even if it takes us a zillion chapters to get there. Don't give up hope in the dark places.


	8. So It's Come To This

Jim walked over to his bed and looked at it for a long moment. Not two days ago he had been held captive here, in the most passionate, albeit violent, encounter he had ever faced. Now it was all over. _It must have been love, but it's all over now._ The old song crossed Jim's mind and he shook his head. He got out his suitcases and started packing his belongings. He had some things he would have to leave behind; he began to think of who would want them. He could give his swords back to Sulu. His chess set he planned to donate to one of the recreation rooms. Everything else would fit in his suitcases.

Five years. Five years reduced to two suitcases. As he packed, memories kept plaguing him. There were the Mardi Gras beads he had kept from the party two years ago. Spock had turned a blind eye to the frivolity that swept the ship each spring, but two years ago had 'thawed' enough to let Jim put beads around his neck, prompting the bridge crew to heckle him as to what he had done to earn them. Unperturbed, Spock had lifted his shirts and shown his chest. The crew had died laughing.

There was the little plastic Easter egg Jim had kept from last year. It had held little chocolates in it, and once he was told they were the prize, Spock became very interested in finding the eggs. The rest of the crew was confused, however, when Spock began to ask questions about chickens. After being shown a drawing of the Easter Bunny, Spock was the one confused. Jim had explained it all over their private stockpile of sweets.

But what broke his heart most of all was the picture they kept by their bedside. It was taken by Scotty at their second wedding ceremony. They were both in their dress uniforms, and Jim wore a smile so large it could blind people. Spock looked so handsome. Three years and two months ago. In a whirlwind romance, Spock and Jim had declared their love for each other, been engaged, and married all in four days' time. December 26th. Jim had sworn he would never forget that date. Privately, he still thought he never would.

All that was left now was to secure transportation back to Earth. Jim called for a shuttle. It would cost a pretty penny to get back home like this, but he had so little time. He had to get everything ready to meet Carol's demands. At least he could teach at Starfleet Academy. But first he was going home to live at his old house. The memory of him and Spock spending Christmas there crossed his mind and his heart hurt all over again.

Spock went out of his door and to the next door, to what used to be his quarters. He needed to retrieve his personal belongings out of the captain's room. He pressed the signal for the door.

"Hey," Jim said when the door opened.

"I have come for my personals," Spock began. Jim nodded and stepped out of the way. Spock walked in and looked around the cabin. Everything that had marked it as theirs was either packed or placed to one side. There were two large suitcases on the bed. Spock walked up to the desk where his items lay and put the box down. "I see you have already packed," he noted.

"I've got a shuttle coming tomorrow afternoon. Scotty's taking command until y'all reach the starbase." Jim watched Spock pick up the articles one by one and investigate them before packing them. Spock came to the Mardi Gras beads and paused. "I thought you would have wanted those," Jim mumbled. Spock nodded and packed them away. He also carefully packed the plastic egg. Then he picked up the wedding photo and stopped.

"You do not want this?" Spock questioned.

"I thought you might want it more," Jim responded.

"Are you certain you merely did not want to upset your son's mother?" Spock snapped. Jim paled. "Very well. I will take this. I am not ashamed of our love. I never was."

"That's not fucking fair," Jim ground out. Spock put the picture in the box and went to gather his clothes. "Hey, I'm talking to you!" Jim shouted.

"What is it you wish to tell me?" Spock sighed.

Jim stopped, hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. "I was never ashamed of us. This isn't my choice, Spock. She's holding me hostage via a five year old boy who deserves to know who his father is. If I could have you both you know I would."

Spock nodded thoughtfully. "Perhaps."

" _Perhaps_ _?!"_ Jim spat out. "Dammit, I love you. I will love you until the end of time. But for once, something's got to come before Jim Kirk's needs. Someone else matters. I have to be the bigger man and fall on my sword for this and _believe me_ it's killing me." Jim stopped and a thought crossed his mind. "What would you do to make your mother proud one last time?"

Spock pulled his last uniform out of the closet slowly and turned around. "How dare you," he whispered.

"I have the opportunity to spare my child what I went through as a kid. I never knew my father but David's going to know me. That's the best amends I can make to my dad." Jim sat on the edge of the bed. "Please tell me you understand," he added in a softer voice.

" _You_ need to make amends to your _father_?" Spock draped the clothes over the box on the desk. "Explain."

Jim looked down. "I haven't been the best son. I spent the first twenty-some years of my life being a complete and utter fuck-up. I don't believe I've done enough to earn the sacrifice he made for me."

Spock folded his hands in front of him. "Jim, regardless of what your beginnings were, you have made great strides and been an example for many to follow. You saved your planet, and indeed the rest of the Federation, from complete annihilation at the hands of a madman." Spock took a step closer. "You have brought honor to the Kirk name. You could do no more."

Jim looked up with tears in his eyes. "You always did have more faith in me than anyone else did."

Spock turned to retrieve the items on the desk, and then turned back around. "Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you answer one last question?"

Jim smiled weakly. "Sure."

Spock looked to the side. "If I had not gone into _pon farr_ , would you have agreed to her demands?"

Jim felt as though he had been punched in the gut. He took a shaky breath and stood up. "Babe, this has nothing to do with your _pon farr_. This is simply about a boy who deserves to know his father and the bitch who is making it next to impossible."

"Very well." Spock gathered the box and the clothes draped across it. "I wish you a pleasant journey, Captain." He paused one more time. "If you ever find things have changed, I will be on New Vulcan in two days' time." He walked out the door back to his room.


	9. We're Trying To Move On, But ....

Jim got together with Scotty and went over the change-of-command materials. Scotty asked as politely as possible what the 'family emergency' was and found himself shut out. Jim was every bit the consummate professional. When they were done Jim went to dinner.

There weren't any empty tables in the Mess Hall, so Jim resigned himself to eating one last dinner with the bridge crew. He got his tray and sat down.

"Keptain!" Chekov started. "I am to be understanding you hawe a family problem. Is ewerything okay vith ze ambassador?"

Jim swallowed some milk and shook his head. "Ambassador Sarek is well. It doesn't have to do with Spock's family."

"Oh. It is your family?" Chekov was like a dog with a bone. He wasn't going to give up until he found out what was going on. Jim looked around the Mess one last time to see if a table had opened up. "Keptain?"

"Yeah, Chekov, it's my family." Jim took a mouthful of salad and prayed he would survive this meal with his sanity intact.

"If it's your family, then why are you headed one direction and Spock's headed another?" Uhura questioned. Jim's face flushed. "Did you not want him with you? Or are you meeting up with him later?"

"I really can't talk about it," Jim sighed. He took one last bite of salad and stood up. "I'll see you all tomorrow before I leave." He left as quickly as possible, but not before nearly colliding with Spock coming in to dinner. The two eyed each other and then went their separate ways.

Uhura's eyes narrowed. "Spock, come sit with us!" she called. Spock got his tray and sat down with the rest of the crew.

McCoy sniffed the air and looked at Spock's tray. "You're eating plomeek soup? You haven't eaten that since you and Jim tied the knot!" He forgot his hostility and began to scrutinize the commander. "Are you feeling okay?"

Uhura laid a hand on McCoy's wrist. "Something's up," she began. "The Dynamic Duo is headed for separate planets, they're not eating together, they're not speaking; something's wrong."

McCoy leaned back a bit to get a better look at the Vulcan. "You want to tell us what's up?"

Spock sipped at the broth and avoided the doctor's glare. "There is nothing to explain," Spock finally conceded.

"Well, have you decided what class you want to be teaching in the fall?" Sulu asked genially.

"I will not be teaching this fall," Spock ground out. He set his spoon down and began to gather his tray and leave.

"Hey, wait!" Sulu exclaimed. "If you're not going to be teaching what _are_ you going to be doing? Jim's going to be at the Academy!"

"Good day, gentlemen," Spock curtly replied and walked away.

"Add to that the fact that neither of them is eating," McCoy remarked as the Vulcan left the Mess Hall.

"I think that's the least of their worries," Uhura added. "It's like they're back at the beginning of this mission. You don't think…" she lowered her voice "…you don't think they're splitting up do you?"

Muteness fell over the bridge crew's table. They finished their meals slowly, as if all lost in their own thoughts.

Jim went back to his room and pulled out his communicator. He had already said his goodbyes to Scotty. Now came the rest of his friends. He called Sulu first.

When Sulu walked in he looked around and shook his head. "End of an era," he quipped. Jim handed him a drink and they toasted each other. Sulu sat in the desk chair. "So, um, I know you're not exactly a Chatty Cathy right now, but would you at least tell a friend that you're okay?"

Jim swallowed his mouthful and sighed. "I'll be fine, Hikaru. Don't worry about me."

"Is there anything we can do for you before you leave? I know you've got a family situation that you're taking off to handle but this is the last we'll see of you. Unless we make it out to San Fran. I can't tell you how much I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too, kid. Keep the Silver Empress safe for me, will you?" Jim smiled over his glass.

"Me, Pavel, and Scotty, we're all over it. You know you'll probably run into Uhura sometime. She's going to be on the campus regularly." Sulu knocked back the rest of his drink and stood. "You know you're the master at avoiding questions. Did you pick that up from your husband?"

The mention of Spock made Jim's face darken.

"Oh, did I hit a nerve there?" Sulu sat back down. "You know there's a rumor someone started that the two of you beat the crap out of each other. The sister tale has someone trying to kill you both. I ignored them both. But _something_ happened six days ago and you two haven't been the same since. This is me being worried. What's wrong, Jim?"

Jim finished his drink and slid the glass aside. "We're just having a rough time right now."

"Well, you'll work it out. You always do. If there's anything I can do…."

"Thanks, Hikaru. Look me up when you're in town." They stood and Jim shook Sulu's hand. Sulu let go and wrapped his arms around his friend.

"Take care, man." Sulu walked out without a second glance.

Sulu hesitated after the door closed. _Rough time._ He decided to buzz the commander's old door just to see what happened.

What happened was Spock answered. Both men blinked at each other before Spock nodded curtly. "May I assist you, Lieutenant?"

Sulu peeked in past Spock's shoulder. "Uh, may I talk with you a moment, Commander?" Spock tilted his head and let Sulu in. "I know this isn't the best time – " he broke off. "This is going to be awkward no matter how I phrase it. I want to know if I can help."

Spock stared at the other man. "Help?"

"Yeah. You and Jim are having trouble and I want to know if I can help. Jim's clammed up and I know you're not exactly one to go airing dirty laundry, but is there anything I can do to help?" Sulu leaned against the bulkhead and propped a foot up casually.

Spock frowned. "I do not understand how it is you wish to assist me."

Sulu sighed. "Do you need me to do anything? Do you need someone to talk to Jim for you? I'll beat the sense into him if I have to. We're brothers like that." He pounded the bulkhead gently. "I can't imagine _you_ doing anything to piss _him_ off. He thinks you invented the warp drive and chocolate sundaes on the same day." The statement confused Spock but Sulu kept right on speaking. "So I'm betting _he's_ done something to piss _you_ off. Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. I _will_ beat him up for you."

Spock shook his head. "I do not need you to become physical with the captain. We have simply decided to go our separate ways." As soon as it was out of his mouth, he knew it was the wrong thing to say.

"Go your separate ways?!" Sulu was floored. "You mean you're splitting up? Do I need to go kick his ass? What do you want?"

"I do not need assistance at this time. And I would appreciate you keeping this revelation to yourself. No one else needs to know." Spock began herding the pilot to the door.

"No one else needs to know?" What was it about Sulu repeating his last statement? Spock sighed. "Okay. Your choice. But just know that if you ever need to talk to anyone, I've got your back. I'm so sorry, Spock." Sulu walked out into the hall.

"Thank you. Good day." Spock let the door close in Sulu's face and took a step backward. He was hard-pressed to regret having let slip that he and Jim were separating. No matter how much it hurt, every time he said it, it became a little truer.

Jim had called Chekov in. Chekov was still digging at whatever was going on in Jim's family. Jim evaded the question every time it came up, but he was eager to get the navigator out of his room by the end of their talk. He gave Chekov a promise that he would tell him if he could do anything and sent him on his way. Three down….

Next was Uhura. She didn't stay long; she seemed rather upset at the time. She said her goodbyes to him and then walked out. It was unusual for her to be so terse, but it had been a rough day for more than one person on the ship, he was sure.

He had saved McCoy for last. McCoy came armed with Romulan ale and a promise that he wasn't going to forget about him. He wasn't going to reenlist with Jim going off the ship. He'd decided he would put up his shingle in southern Atlanta and spend more time with his daughter. Jim talked to McCoy for a while about what it was like to be a father.

"What, are you and the hobgoblin going to make little hobgoblins?" McCoy joked.

"Bones." Jim was uncharacteristically morose. "I know about Spock."

McCoy stroked his chin for a moment. "He can't father children. Doesn't mean he doesn't want them altogether. You could even find the right kid and adopt…."

"Thanks, Bones." Jim smiled a little at that. Shortly thereafter someone slid backwards out of a Jefferies tube and broke his arm. McCoy set out back to Sickbay. Jim decided to curl up and get some early sleep. Or any sleep at all for that matter. He'd barely slept the night before.


	10. Bustin' In

Spock was almost asleep when his door chimed. He got up curiously and answered. Uhura was outside, dressed in a t-shirt and blue jeans, with her hair down.

"Mind if I come in?" Uhura purred. Spock stepped aside and she sashayed in.

"I apologize for the sparseness of my quarters. I have already packed to leave." Spock went to the replicator and dialed up a soda for her.

"You remembered," she replied, winking at him and accepting the glass. She sat down on the edge of his bed and patted the space beside her. "Come here. We need to talk."

Spock sat delicately beside the officer. "Mr. Sulu has informed you that the captain and I are no longer together."

Uhura's mouth dropped open. "Uh, no! He just said you really needed a friend and that I should come talk to you. You two aren't together anymore?" She took a long drink and then set the glass on the floor. "You want to talk about it sugar?"

Spock's gaze dropped to the floor. "I cannot reveal much. It is Jim's story, not mine. However, we are no longer a couple. He will be leaving tomorrow; I will leave the day after. We will not see each other again."

Uhura reached out and took Spock's hand. "Listen, sweetness, these things happen. Especially when humans are involved. I'll kick his ass if you want me to," she offered.

"That seems to be the solution of the night," Spock remarked bitterly.

Uhura stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. "Just because you're splitting up doesn't mean you're never going to see each other again. Maybe someday – "

"No," Spock corrected her. "Nyota, I plan to complete the Kolinahr discipline. You are aware of the implications that action entails."

Uhura whistled softly. "Are you doing this because of Jim?" Spock shrugged slightly. "Well, can you do me one last favor?" He nodded. She placed a hand on his wrist. "Will you wait a year? Just wait a year. Get a job somewhere; you can be shoveling dirt for all I care. Just don't do anything drastic for a year. If after a year you still want to do it, then you have my blessing. I'll miss you, but I'll understand."

She stood up, picked up her glass, and set it aside again. Then she bent over and wrapped her arms around Spock. "I am so sorry, sugar. I know you must be heartbroken, and it's not fair."

"He was my _t'hy'la_ ," Spock whispered into her shoulder.

Uhura leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I know, hon. I'm sorry. All I can tell you is someday the pain will be something you can bear, and you'll move on. I hope that day comes sooner rather than later." She walked to the door. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Nyota," Spock began, intending to ask her to keep his secret. Then he changed his mind. "Never mind."

"Bye," Uhura called out. She pretended to walk down the hall until the door closed, and then doubled back to the captain's quarters. She pressed the button hard.

Jim opened the door and was rewarded with a roundhouse right to the side of the face. He staggered backward, clutching his jaw.

"You son of a bitch," Uhura growled, stalking in his quarters.

"What?" Jim exclaimed painfully.

"You know damn well what. You've broken his heart. I hope you're happy. He thinks his life is over because of you, you little shit. What do you have to say for yourself?!" she hollered.

Jim went in the bathroom and spat out a mouthful of blood. The communications officer had quite the punch on her. He rinsed his mouth out and came back out prepared to defend himself if necessary. "Look, I don't know what Spock told you – "

"He said it's your story. But he told me enough about what this is doing to him. You miserable little rotten son of a bitch. What the hell is your problem? You're tired after three years? You changed your mind?" Uhura shook her hand out from where she had hit him.

Jim put his hands up pleadingly. "Look, before we go to round two, can I get a word in edgewise here?" Uhura put her hands behind her back as a gesture of peace. "Okay, now, first off you're lucky I don't have your ass for insubordination and assaulting a superior officer. Considering you're going to bat for your ex-boyfriend, I'll let it slide this time. But I think you may have loosened a tooth or two."

He went and sat down on the bed. "I know you're pissed about what happened to Spock. I'm not that thrilled about it myself. I know," he interjected as she opened her mouth. "I know; I'm the one doing it. But Spock knows my reason, and he told me he doesn't hold it against me. I'm going to take him at his word, and I think you should too."

Uhura was squeezing her hands together to keep them still. "Permission to speak freely, _sir_?"

"For gods' sakes, we're not going to formalities at this late date. What?"

Uhura flipped her hair over her shoulder. "You don't really understand what you're doing to that boy. He says you're his _t'hy'la_."

"I am. Was. Whatever." Jim rubbed his jaw some more.

"I need you to know something," Uhura began, edging closer to the captain. "For Spock to admit you are his _t'hy'la_ means he is very serious about you. This isn't just a marriage. This is a once-in-a-lifetime commitment." She knelt beside the bed. "He will never find another person who means as much to him as you do."

Jim felt his face flushing at the strain of not breaking down and crying. "I know. I know, Uhura. I'm sorry. I can't help this. I can't stop it. It's out of my hands."

The sincerity of his statement struck her and she sat down on the floor beside him. "Jim, are you in trouble? Is someone forcing you to do this?"

Jim froze and didn't answer for a moment. Then he said the first thing he could. "I can't say. _Please_ , don't ask any more questions. You're just going to make it worse."

Uhura reached up and took one of the young man's hands. "If this is why you're doing this, if you think you have no other options, then you haven't come to your crew yet. If someone's blackmailing you to leave Spock then you need help. What can I do, sweetie?"

Jim swallowed. Should he tell her? What if it blew up in his face and Carol took off with David forever? Finally he broke.

"There's this woman," Jim began slowly. "She and I were a couple when I was at the Academy. She got pregnant and left. I didn't know," Jim objected quickly. "She just left. She called me yesterday and started making all these demands. She said David—his name is David—will never know me unless I do what she asks. I have to take a planetary position, and I have to leave Spock. Uhura," he finished quickly, "I never knew my father. I don't want to do that to my boy. But if I could be with him and Spock at the same time you _know_ I would. I love Spock more than life itself."

Uhura pushed herself off the floor and began pacing. "Okay, so you've got a son. How old is he?"

"Five, I think."

"Okay. And this woman, you know her name?" Uhura looked back at him quickly.

"Hell yes. Carol Marcus." Jim said the name with an uncommon distaste.

Uhura gestured to the desk. "May I use your computer?" He nodded and she logged on quickly. She flipped through several pages of information before locating what she was looking for. "Damn."

"What?" Jim leaned to look over her shoulder. She was reading something about child visitation and custody rights. " _Damn_ what?"

"Well, it appears if she can prove you to be an unfit parent she can get exclusive custody rights. But according to the language put in the article in 2018 you can't be declared unfit by homosexuality alone." She flipped her hair back off her shoulder.

"That's good, right?"

"Well, it means she can't keep the boy away from you solely because of Spock. However, your position on a starship may complicate matters." Uhura scrolled down and marked her place with her finger on the screen. "If you live a significantly dangerous lifestyle, you can be declared unfit. It can be anything from police to Starfleet. Anything that risks your life on a daily basis."

"I took a teaching position at the Academy. That's safe enough, right?" Jim was squirming with hope.

"Wait!" Uhura crowed triumphantly. "The 'dangerous lifestyle' rule only applies for sole custody. Not shared." She looked over her shoulder at her friend. "I think if you can prove David is yours, she won't have a snowball's chance in hell of keeping him away from you." She smiled evilly. "You _and_ Spock."

Jim sank to the floor, boneless in his relief. "Oh thank God. Oh, Jesus, you have no idea how much I owe you. I owe you so much. You can hit me anytime!" he declared.

Uhura laughed softly. "I just hope I don't find the occasion to do it that often. Now, isn't there a certain tall dark and handsome you need to be talking to?"

Jim climbed up and dashed to the door. He turned back just long enough to grab Uhura and kiss her square on the lips. "You're the best!" he gasped and ran out the door.

He pressed the button for the door three times. Finally he entered the captain's override he hadn't ever had to use. Lucky for him, it still worked. He crept into the darkened room.

"I see you do not know when to give up," came a dry voice from the bed. Jim called for lights and found Spock lying on the bed in his meditation robe.

"Spock, I've got some great news," Jim began eagerly.

"And this could not wait for morning?"

Jim gaped at the other man. "Uh, no, it couldn't! Spock, we don't have to split up! Uhura figured it all out for me! As long as I'm not on a starship or anything dangerous like that Carol can't keep David from me!" He waited for a reply and when none was forthcoming he continued on in excitement. "She can't keep David from me because I'm with a man! Spock, we don't have to break up!"

Spock rolled over and put his back to Jim. "And what, precisely, makes you think I want to be with you anymore?" His voice was ice.

Jim froze. His heart stuttered and his mouth went dry. For the first time in two days he reached across the bond cautiously. What he found was agony. "Oh, _t'hy'la_! What's wrong?"

Spock sighed. "What is wrong? I have spent the past twenty-three and a half hours fearing I had lost you. Actually, I was afraid I had lost you for only fifteen hours. The other eight and a half I was convinced you were already gone. And now you expect me to immediately welcome you back into my life?"

Jim sat down at the desk. "Look, babe, I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. Uhura convinced me to get help from the crew. I may not even have to give up the _Enterprise_. I just have to prove David's mine and that I'm not unfit." He examined the bond one more time and found it was not much better. "Oh, Spock, I am so sorry. Can you find it in you to forgive me?"

Spock closed his eyes and noted with some surprise that a tear tracked down the side of his face. He wanted him back. He desperately wanted him back. But what would stop him from leaving next time?

"What is to stop you from leaving again at a later date?" Spock pointed out frostily.

Jim barked a harsh laugh. "Well, I don't foresee any other kids popping up anywhere so I think that avenue's covered. And what Uhura said to me was true. If I can't come to my crew, then something is seriously wrong. I'm sorry, Spock. I panicked. You remember I panic sometimes, right?"

Spock rolled over and faced Jim. "I remember you panicking and calling Dr. McCoy the day before we were bonded." His dark eyes regarded the other man. "I remember you panicking and cursing in Farsi at a Klingon raider. I remember you panicking and kissing me to silence me when I almost recounted the story of your secret tattoo fantasy in front of my father." He paused and gave a small smile. "I remember you panicking many times. However, I have never seen you panic in such a way that you have attempted to end us." The last sentence was quieter and more somber.

Jim got up and came to kneel beside the bed. He took his husband's hand in his. "They say there's a first time for everything. Let's see if we can't make it the last." He leaned in and chastely kissed the commander. "Please forgive me. You don't ever have to forget. I wouldn't ask that. But forgive me?"

Spock leaned over and buried his face in Jim's shirt. "Oh, _t'hy'la._ I was so afraid I would never see you again."

Jim leaned back for a moment. "Hey, what's with all this 'never again' and 'life is over' crap? Spock, you weren't going to…." He trailed off in horror. The idea, however, transmitted across the bond.

"No, _ashayam_ , I would not have ended my life. Not in that manner. No, I was planning to commit myself to Kolinahr. I would not have seen you again, at least not in this fashion."

"Kolinahr?" Jim wrinkled his nose. "What's that?"

Spock scooted over until he was on the far edge of the bed and patted the empty space. Jim climbed on carefully and they wrapped their arms around each other.

"Kolinahr is the purging of all emotion. It is the embrace of nothing but logic. I would not have come out the same Spock you knew. I would have had no ties to anyone or anything. I would have been…." Spock trailed off. "Before, I would have said I would have been free. Now it seems like a prison to me."

Jim's eyes tried unsuccessfully to focus on the face in front of him. "Your dad said what happened after you came home was out of his hands. Uhura said you thought your life was over. And you said you thought you'd never see me again. Jeez, whatever this Kolinahr is I hope you stay the hell away from it, regardless of what happens between you and me."

Spock kissed his love's nose and sighed. "I do not plan to attempt it anytime soon."

Jim ran his hand up and down Spock's side. "So I hear the captain has this huge bed in his quarters, and it fits two people comfortably…."

Spock closed his eyes briefly. "Will he mind us using it?"

"Not tonight," Jim whispered. They got up and went next door. It was the first time since Spock had gotten ill that they shared a bed and simply slept.


	11. Back To Basics

When Spock's eyes opened the first thing he did was reach out and touch his sleeping mate. It was almost like he needed to be reassured he was still there. Jim grunted in his sleep and rolled over. Spock sighed and got up quietly.

After a shower and a half-hour of meditation, Spock sat down at the computer. His mind was still overwhelmed with what he had to do now. His father's shuttle would already be on its way. He also needed to figure out what he was going to do job-wise. He had told the detailer he wasn't reenlisting. That may have been premature.

"Ugh, please don't think so loud this early," Jim's voice floated over from the bed. Spock breathed out gently. "I'm trying to sleep here," Jim complained.

"I apologize, _t'hy'la._ We have several decisions we need to make, and our time is waning quickly." Spock walked over to the bed and knelt down by the side. "Will you awake now so we can talk?"

Jim opened his eyes and quickly kissed Spock's nose. "Okay. I'm up. Let me get a shower and get dressed and then we'll talk all you want."

Jim showered quickly and threw on a uniform before sitting on the bed and motioning for Spock to pick up the chair and sit near him.

"Okay. I'm clean, I'm dressed, and I'm awake, what do we need to talk about?"

Spock pressed his fingers together and took a deep breath. "Are we staying together?"

Jim's jaw dropped. "I thought we had worked that detail out," he laughed.

"Very well. Then are you going to teach next fall or do you wish to remain on the _Enterprise_?" Spock posed.

Jim thought about it for a while. "Well, I don't _have_ to teach, but I think it would be nice to spend some time with David regardless. So yeah, I'm going to teach."

"Do you mind if I teach as well?"

"No!" Jim smiled. "I already told you like two days ago that I thought it would be cool for us both to teach."

Spock nodded. "Then I need to contact the detailer and withdraw my request for terminal leave." He folded his hands in his lap. "The next detail we need to work out is who is going where when." The statement sounded so odd coming from Spock that Jim laughed. "It is my understanding your shuttle arrives this afternoon."

Jim smacked a hand to his head. "Shit. Okay, I can call it off. Not a biggie."

Spock raised a finger. "One moment, Jim. Perhaps you should return to Earth first, to keep your son's mother calm before I arrive. I highly doubt us arriving together would endear you to her any more."

Jim sighed. "Dammit. Okay, so what, you'll come at a later date?"

"David is your son. He is my stepson. This makes him part of our clan. I may be able to use clan resources to assist you in your efforts to secure shared custody." Spock paused thoughtfully. "This, of course, means my father will need to be informed we are no longer separating and that he has another human to add to the clan…."

"So you're going to New Vulcan anyway and you'll meet me later?" Jim finished. Spock nodded. "Okay, so you'd better call the detailer. I'm going to go up to the bridge and make sure everything's ready for Scotty to take over when I leave. I'll be back as soon as I can." He kissed Spock's cheek and walked out the door.

It was midnight on New Vulcan. To call or not to call? It wasn't an emergency. Spock couldn't justify waking his father up, so he decided to call the detailer first. He was about to place the call when an incoming call stopped him. He answered it.

"Spock."

"Spock?" It was Solion. "I was not expecting to reach you. I am attempting to contact the captain."

"Jim has left to take care of issues related to the command changeover. He will be back later. It is rather late, elder. Are you well?" Spock looked at his counterpart curiously.

"I am well, child; I was concerned about you. Your father told me you and Jim are separating?" Solion waited patiently.

Spock shook his head. "Not any longer. It is a very long, complicated explanation and I will offer it to you both when I arrive on New Vulcan in two days' time. For now, know we are not separating. We will simply be arriving on Earth at different times."

Solion's eyes narrowed. "So you are not returning to undertake Kolinahr?"

Again Spock shook his head. "No."

"Thank the gods. I did not think I had contacted you in time to prevent that tragedy." Solion seemed greatly relieved.

"There is a story there somewhere, I am certain. I will not press. You may tell me if and when you are ready. For now, I must ask to be released from this conversation. I need to contact the detailer and secure my assignment at Starfleet Academy." Spock's eyes smiled at the older Vulcan. "Is there any other way I can reassure you?"

Solion chuckled. "No, child. I believe you have set this old man straight. Thank you. I will see you when you arrive." They both displayed the _ta'al_ and Spock signed off.

Then Spock called the detailer's office. The secretary put him through. "Commander Spock! What a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?" the jolly man asked.

"I no longer wish to end my enlistment. Have I contacted you too late?" Spock was nervous.

The detailer smiled broadly. "Not in the least. I always wait a week before I put through a separation notice. Just in case. So what do you want to do? Stay with the _Enterprise_?"

"No, sir. I would like to return to teaching at the Academy."

The other man sat up in his seat. "Really? They'd love that! They've got a billet open in computer sciences and I think they'd love any help you could give in the astrophysics department. How's that sound?"

"That is agreeable. I thank you."

"Hey, this doesn't have to do with a certain captain setting up shop in the command track does it?" The detailer winked at Spock.

"It does." Spock watched the man's face brighten even further. "I will be on New Vulcan for a short time before returning to Earth. May I extend my unpaid time a month further to cover the terminal leave?"

"Sure, sure. Whatever you need, Mr. Spock. Thanks for letting me know, and I'll see you here whenever you get here. Take care now!" The man disconnected the call.

Spock sighed. That was one issue taken care of. Now he had to wait until four in the afternoon to contact his father. Jim would most likely be gone by then. Spock's spirits fell for a moment and then he felt a brush of love through the bond.

_It's only for a little while,_ Jim pointed out.

_I will miss you, t'hy'la._ Spock sent back more love.

_I'll be right back down. Gimme a sec._ Jim sent an image of them kissing and Spock sighed. How could he have survived if he had lost Jim? He didn't even want to think of it.


	12. Rounding Up The Troops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be gone for a few days but rest assured I will continue posting soon.

The door chimed and Spock got up to answer it. Dr. McCoy stood on the other side.

"Uh. Hi. Didn't expect you here." McCoy's eyes were on the floor.

"Jim is on the bridge. He will return momentarily. You may wait if you wish," Spock offered, standing aside to let the other man in.

McCoy walked in and looked around, and then turned suddenly back to the commander. "Look, we need to talk."

"Very well." Spock placed his hands behind his back.

"I'm sorry I blew up at you. I talked to M'Benga—don't worry, I didn't tell him—but he says a lot of screwy things have been happening medically since the destruction of Vulcan. Some they've got licked. Some they're still sorting out. But it wouldn't be that unusual for something to be affecting you even now."

Spock nodded. "I understand."

McCoy held out a hand. "Spock, I'm sorry. Jim's my best friend. He's like a brother to me and I love him and I see red when someone hurts him. I should have realized you'd never do that in your right mind. And hey, at least it's only every seven years, right?" he joked lamely.

"Indeed." Spock reached out and shook the doctor's hand.

"Now, I don't know how to bring up this next part. But Uhura is rallying the troops. She won't tell us what's going on specifically but she says the captain needs our help. She hinted heavily that blackmail is involved. That's why I'm here. Do you know what's going on?" McCoy sat down in the desk chair.

Spock was still for a moment. He felt through the bond that Jim was just in the turbolift. "Jim will explain when he arrives, in twenty-six seconds."

"Precise as always," grumbled the doctor. They fell silent until Jim strolled through the door.

"Hi honey, I'm ho– " Jim broke off when he saw McCoy. "Oh, hey Bones. Uh, you two okay?" he asked uneasily.

"The doctor and I have resolved our differences. He is here at Nyota's request." Spock sat on the bed.

"Uhura?" Jim looked between the two men. "What, she told you?"

"She didn't say exactly, she just intimated somebody's holding something over you and we need to help. So I'm here to help. Now can you tell me what I'm helping you with?" McCoy stood up.

Jim sighed. "Okay, remember when I was asking you about Joanna? What it's like to be a father?"

McCoy's eyes narrowed. "Jim-boy, you'd better not be headed where I think you're headed."

"I have a son," Jim explained. "And his mother is trying to break me and Spock up. Uhura says she can't keep him from me for just being in a relationship with another man, and I'm going to teach next term at the Academy." Jim paused. "She _should_ have no grounds to keep me from him."

McCoy was silent for a while. Then he shook his head. "Screwed up, man. Keeping him away from you. You'd figure a girl would be falling all over herself to bear the child of the great James T. Kirk. Screwed up."

Jim sighed. "I know. But I've got to find a way to prove he's mine and sue for shared custody before she pulls up stakes and disappears into the galaxy. Think you can help with that?"

"Hmm. I can do the genetic testing if you get me the samples. I can help prove he's your kid." McCoy rubbed his chin.

"Thanks, Bones. Hey, anything you can do, man."

"Is he a mini-me?" the doctor asked. Jim tilted his head and drew his brows in confusion. "Is he exactly like you at that age?"

"Oh." Jim smiled. "Yeah. Little terror, he's got to be. Just like his old man."

"Well, uh, I guess I could say congratulations. Now you and the hobgoblin will have a whole new generation to terrorize." McCoy smiled at them both. "Well, I'd better head back to Sickbay. I have a feeling – " His communicator went off. "Yep. I'll stay in touch with you both. I'll see you when I get to Earth." He hugged Jim tightly. "Take care, little bro."

"Thanks, big bro," Jim responded.

McCoy left and Jim walked over and wrapped his arms around his husband. "Hey, Gloomy Gus, what's up?"

"I am not 'gloomy.' I am merely disappointed that I must now spend time apart from you. You do realize we have not been separated since our bonding?"

"Before," Jim corrected. "We've been together since the _Narada_ crisis. What a long, strange trip it's been."

"Are you comfortable with becoming a teacher now? Will this provide enough excitement for you? There will be many nights of homework to be graded and lesson plans to be made and very little staring down renegade Klingons and greeting undiscovered aliens." Spock smoothed Jim's hair down.

"Eh. I can handle it. This also means no more red alerts at oh-dark-hundred in the morning and sitting by biobeds praying someone wakes up. For either of us." Jim kissed his mate.

"I will appreciate the absence of the visits to Sickbay," Spock remarked.

"Have you and Bones really made up?" Jim asked quietly.

Spock nodded. "We have come to an understanding. I believe the phrase is 'no hard feelings'." He looked into his partner's eyes. "It disturbed you that Dr. McCoy and I were disagreeing."

"To say the least," Jim exclaimed. "It broke my heart! Bones is my best friend and you're my husband. How am I supposed to choose if you two go your separate ways?"

Spock sighed. "You will not have to, _t'hy'la_. I will do my utmost to ensure Dr. McCoy and I do not have any more major conflicts."

"Thanks. Now, it's Wednesday. You know what happens on Wednesday, right?"

"We have our chess game." Spock gave a small smile.

"Since we're going to be apart for the next little while, how about you and me go down to the Rec Room and play a game or two. For old times' sake. Terrorize the ensigns with our lordly presence." Jim grinned.

"You do not terrorize anyone with a 'lordly presence', _ashayam_. You terrorize them with your loud outbursts in the middle of the game. One would think the chess game were being observed by a football announcer." Spock's eyes were shining.

"You're just jealous because you can't stand up and scream when you make a killer move."

"Maybe."

"However, you stood up and yelled when I pulled your – " Jim's statement was swallowed by a kiss. When he was released he gasped for air. "You still won't let me say that out loud."

"No." Spock walked away casually. "Are we playing or not, _ashayam_?" he called from the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I never did figure out what Jim pulled on Spock to make him yell. Got any ideas?


	13. Parting Is Not Sweet Sorrow

After the chess game Jim and Spock went to the main observation deck and stood there, watching the ship in movement. Jim surreptitiously reached out and took Spock's hand. Spock allowed it.

"I'm so sorry, _t'hy'la_ ," Jim whispered.

Spock turned his head. "Sorry for what, _ashayam_?"

Jim rubbed his thumb on the back of Spock's hand. "For all the trouble I've caused you."

"Trouble?" Spock turned around fully to face his husband. "Jim, what brings this apology? You have not caused me any more trouble than I have caused you. Being with you for the past five years has been the greatest thing to happen to me. I regret nothing."

Jim leaned his head against Spock's shoulder. "You just get so mad sometimes, and I do stupid stuff like trying to run off and hide when what I need to do is come to you."

"You are learning, as are we all, Jim. I have not been the perfect partner either. But we forgive each other and we always come back to each other. You are everything to me and I am thankful for every day I have with you." Spock wrapped his arms around his mate.

"Ugh, PDA at one o' clock," came a voice from the doorway.

"Uhura, you're just jealous." Jim glanced over Spock's shoulder.

"I cannot argue his point," Spock replied calmly. Uhura snorted at them. "What may we do for you, Nyota?" Spock asked.

"Well, Jim, your shuttle is an hour out. They're running on a tight schedule so Scotty recommended you take your luggage down to the hanger deck now rather than later." Uhura put her hands on her hips. "And I owe you a proper goodbye. I was pissed last night and then – " She chuckled. "Then I went all Holyfield on you. I apologize again, Captain."

"You're the reason Spock and I are still together, Uhura. Don't apologize for that." Jim smiled and walked over. "Hug?" he requested gently. She embraced him warmly. "Now, I hear tell you're going to be visiting us when you get to Earth."

"Yep. So you have to get the best place possible. I'm thinking a beachfront condo with private access and a huge porch." She smiled at them.

"Yeah, on whose salary? Besides, I've got to get something kid-friendly." Jim went silent.

Uhura nodded. "You'll find the perfect place and your son will love it. Listen, if you have your hearing before I make it back I want updates. If there's _anything_ I can do don't hesitate to ask. Same goes for Hikaru, Pavel, Leonard, and Scotty. You tell us if there's anything we can do." She looked at the chronometer on the wall. "Crud. I've got to get back to the bridge."

At the door she turned and laughed. "Remember the first time you told me to call you Captain? On the simulator? God, that was forever ago. It's been real. I'll see you later, _Captain_." She headed out the door.

"Walk me down there?" Jim asked his mate.

Spock nodded. "I remember the simulator as well." They walked down the hall slowly. "There was an infuriating young man who had reprogrammed my entire simulation and somehow beaten the test. Why no one else had thought to reprogram it did not occur to me until I had been married to said man for a year."

"It took you that long to figure 'why not'?!" Jim exclaimed. "I must be slipping."

Spock _hummed_ in response. They got to the room and packed up the rest of Jim's clothes and took the suitcases down to the hanger deck. Jim sat in a chair in the waiting area.

"I'm scared."

"That is understandable. However, you are no longer facing this alone. You have your crew behind you, and you have your mate behind you." Spock stood by Jim's side; the time flew by.

They watched the shuttle ease into the hanger bay and touch down. The bay doors closed and the area pressurized. The doors opened and Jim stood up. Scotty was carrying his suitcases to the ship.

"Scotty, you have better things to be doing than carrying my luggage," Jim complained good-naturedly.

"Aye, it's ma last service to tha cap'n. It's ma pleasure." Jim shook Scotty's hand. "I'll be thinkin' o' ya, sir."

"Bye, Scotty. Keep her together for me." Jim saluted the man as he walked away. Then he turned and held out two fingers to Spock. Spock touched his two fingers to Jim's and they held them there for a moment. "I'm going to be calling you. Hopefully your dad will have forgiven me by then. I'll see you as soon as you get to Earth. Meet me at our Christmas place," he whispered.

"I will be there," Spock intoned seriously. Jim looked around quickly and snuck in a human kiss as well. Then he climbed aboard the shuttle. Spock watched him find his seat and then walked back to the waiting area. The pilot boarded and the bay depressurized. Spock kept his eyes on the craft as it lifted off and exited the ship. Then it was gone.

_I love you,_ came the soft call across the bond.

_And I you._ Spock gave a small smile and walked back to the turbolift.

Spock took the time to brief Commander Demarcus properly. She knew everything he was telling her; it was more a way to say goodbye to a treasured colleague than anything. He turned over control to her and retired to the quite empty quarters. He moved everything he had left in Jim's room over to his room and locked the captain's quarters until the cleaning crew could get to it. He went back and sat down at his computer. The time read 1530. It was seven thirty in the morning on New Vulcan. Spock decided to try his party at home.

The comm. link chimed for three minutes before it connected.

"Hello?" Sarek glanced down at the screen.

"Father. I understand you need to be in the office in thirty minutes. However, do you have time to discuss a topic at this time?" Spock's voice turned hopeful at the end.

Sarek sat down. "I have time, son. What may I do for you?"

"It is regarding Jim," Spock began, but that was as far as he got.

"I have no time to be discussing the captain. What is it the humans say? 'He has made his bed.' Choose another topic, son." Sarek's eyes were cold.

"Father, that _is_ the topic I wish to discuss. The situation between me and Jim has changed dramatically. He is counting on me to get this information to you before he requires your help."

" _My_ help?" Sarek was incredulous. "For whatever reason could he need my help? I believe you need to elucidate, son."

Spock began with the hard truth: James T. Kirk had a son, and the mother of his son was blackmailing him in order to get what she desired. Spock repeated verbatim the comment Jim had given about doing anything for his child. Then he gave a harsh, factual representation of the woman he had seen in Jim's memory. He recounted the story of Uhura getting physical with the captain in Spock's defense and how they had come to realize he didn't need reprimanding, he needed help. He finished with an explanation of how the crew was backing Jim up as he fought for his son.

"Jim is doing everything he can on his side. I request formally as his _sa-telsu_ that the clan support him." Spock locked eyes with his father, who had gone silent.

"You are a stepfather. Well, as your mother would say 'stranger things….' What is the child's name?" Sarek took out a padd.

"David."

"And he is approximately five Earth years of age?" Sarek looked up.

"Affirmative."

"And the name of this woman who bore him?" Sarek's words were clinical but the distaste was evident to his son.

"Carol Marcus." Spock watched his father. " _Is_ there anything the clan can do?"

"He is not officially a member of our clan. Yet," he added when his son went still. "I believe if I coordinate my offensive with concurrent action on the part of Winona Kirk, we as grandparents may be able to affect the outcome of the custody hearing. You know I am still somewhat displeased at James for his behavior in this matter. Is the Lady Kirk just as displeased with you?" Sarek tilted his head.

"Displeased with me? No, I do not believe so. However, as always, I feel the need to remind you reaching the Lady Kirk is a matter of finding what planet she is on at the time. You should be prepared for what Jim calls a 'wild goose chase'." Spock shifted in his seat. "Father?"

"Yes, son?"

"You are not displeased that Jim has a son?" Spock was nervous about the answer. But if he didn't ask he would never know.

"From what human biology I recall, it is entirely feasible for a man of his age—and he _was_ a man at the time—to father a child. I regret that this occurred, most especially since the child is now being used as a weapon against him." Sarek closed his eyes briefly. "However, this is more a failure on the part of the mother. James agreed to leave a stable, functioning, and _preferred_ relationship at her behest in order to be with his child. I cannot fault him for that. I am simply relieved someone got through to him. Although," Sarek gave a small smile, "I regret not being there when Ms. Uhura struck him. The thought had crossed my mind more than once after your initial call."

Spock gaped at his sire. "You would have become _violent_ over this?"

"James attempted to leave you for the sake of his child. What do you think I would not do for _you_ , son?" Sarek stared at Spock.

Spock blushed. "I understand, Father. I thank you for your diligence in this matter. I will be arriving home in two days time, correct?"

"I have sent a shuttle to meet with the _Enterprise_ that should be arriving in less than eighteen hours. The return trip should take an additional twenty-seven hours from your location. When you arrive I will meet you at the visitor's center." Sarek paused and took a drink of water.

"I had arranged for Ambassador Solion to take my position for several days upon your return. However, I see now you will not be leaving for Kolinahr, so I will return to work. You may keep the aircar for your use during the day. Ambassador Solion will not mind transporting me to and from work." Sarek checked the chronometer. "I must leave now. I will see you when you arrive, son. Peace and long life."

"Live long and prosper, Father." Spock cut the connection and sat back. So his father wasn't mad at Jim. That was a relief. And Spock had completely forgotten about the law giving grandparents rights. In a complicated way, Jim was Sarek's son as well, making David his grandson. But this was why he had wanted to involve his father. The man was shrewd when it came to family law.

Spock remembered what his father had done for Jim immediately after their bonding. Jim was psychically attacked and left near death. In a brave move, Spock had brought the ship to New Vulcan against orders. Jim was healed, but not before the Vulcan Embassy, at the behest of the entire clan, had placed the crew of the _Enterprise_ in political asylum. Solion had told Spock at a later date that the clan had felt entirely justified in its actions. The Federation seemed to be forgetting that the Vulcan people helped _create_ the Federation and were still part of it.

Well, the clan was about to make headlines again, it seemed. A thought crossed Spock's mind and he froze. What would David think of this? What if the boy had been raised xenophobic? His mother certainly came across that way. David might not like the strange Vulcans fighting his mother for possession of him. Spock remembered one of his missions where he had to pretend to be human in order to be included in the landing party. They could have sent another scientist. But Spock wasn't about to leave his _ashayam_ with those violent beings. He had passed for human once before. He could do it again.

Spock decided he had to know how this happened in the other universe. His father had chastised him and Jim for asking questions of Solion, but sometimes the old Vulcan would answer, and the answers always seemed to help. Spock dialed the office number.

"Vulcan Embassy, Ambassador Solion's office." The secretary looked up at Spock.

"This is Commander Spock. Is the ambassador available?" Spock asked politely.

"One moment." The screen changed to a holding pattern and Spock's stomach rumbled. He was quite nervous. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know the answers to his questions. He had almost decided to hang up when the screen changed again.

"Greetings, Spock." The ambassador was seated at his desk. "May I assist you?"

"I need to have a private conversation with you," Spock began, and then paused. "If you do not mind," he added weakly.

Solion nodded and got up to shut his door. When he returned he gave a small smile. "Is it time for an old man's stories again?"

"I was hoping you could explain why it alarmed you so greatly that I was going into Kolinahr, and then I wanted to ask you a related question."

"The story of Kolinahr is relatively simple. My Jim accepted promotion to Admiral and seemingly left me behind. My response was to enter Kolinahr. I had very nearly succeeded when Jim's mind, as well as the consciousness of another entity, contacted me and pulled me back. However, the fruits of my labor were that I alienated everyone I knew before I came back to myself. It is not something I highly recommend." Solion nodded in memory. "What else did you wish to ask me, _tomasu_?"

Spock's mouth was dry and he had to swallow before forming the words. "Did your Jim have any children?"

Solion's eyes narrowed. "What a remarkably specific question. Why do you not explain to me what brings this inquiry and then I will tell you what I know?"

Spock breathed in. "Very well. My Jim has a young son, approximately five years old."

"David," supplied the older Vulcan.

"Correct. So this is not restricted to my timeline?"

"Unfortunately not. However, it is a peculiarity that you know of him at this time. I was not made aware of Jim's son until…" Solion paused and cleared his throat "…later."

Spock eyes narrowed this time. "But your Jim knew of him?"

"He was made aware of his birth; however the mother had requested that Jim keep his distance. She was never particularly fond of Starfleet."

"Overgrown Boy Scouts," Spock murmured, and the older Vulcan chuckled. "Did David know you?"

Solion grew uncomfortable and shifted in his seat. " _Tomasu_ we are headed for murky waters. It is best that we drop this line of questioning."

Spock sat forward. "You cannot tell me whether David knew you?"

"He knew me."

"Did he like you?"

"Ahh, child, is that was plagues you now?" Solion stood up for a moment. "Forgive me; sitting exhausts me after a time. So you want to know if David will like you. My Jim's son was an adult when we met. He had his own opinions by then."

"Jim is planning on fighting for joint custody of David, and intends to raise him within our marriage. I became concerned about possible xenophobia." Spock's eyes pleaded with Solion.

Solion sat back down. "He is a human child. His mother's opinions will weigh upon him, but he will be more influenced by the behavior of those around him. If Jim is accepting of you, and loving toward you, David may very well be just as open."

Spock bit his lower lip. "A remarkable way to say 'I do not know'."

"Ahh, but I did _not_ say 'I do not know'. I merely did not quote you the probabilities of the child accepting you. I am learning in my later years. My Jim often lamented me giving the odds of every situation." Solion's eyes were kind.

Spock nodded. "Very well. I will be back on the planet in two days' time. It is _probable_ that our paths will cross some time while I am there."

"We shall see. I must return to work now. Safe travels, child. Peace and long life." Solion raised the _ta'al._

"Live long and prosper," Spock replied in kind. They ended the call.


	14. Making Plans, Making Memories

Spock got up and lay down on the bed. He wasn't tired, but there was so much time ahead of him. His stomach growled again and this time he recognized hunger. He decided to head down to the Mess Hall.

When he arrived the table for the bridge crew was populated by Chekov, Sulu, and Dr. McCoy. Spock got his tray and sat down with them.

"I miss ze keptain already." Chekov looked at Spock. Sulu kicked Chekov's shins under the table. "Vhat?"

"We're supposed to be cheering the commander up, not commiserating!" Sulu hissed.

"Boys, I think Spock's gonna miss Jim whether we talk about him or not," McCoy added wisely.

"It does not bother me to discuss the captain," Spock responded. He took a bite of his salad and looked around the table.

"Wait, why is he 'the captain' now?" Sulu observed.

Chekov gasped. "Did you and ze keptain hawe another fight?"

"Pavel!" Sulu barked.

"He has been—was—the captain of this vessel for approximately 4.93 years. It will take time to adjust to him not being 'the captain'." Spock shook his head.

"End of an era," Sulu intoned solemnly, and this time McCoy elbowed him.

Spock eyed the other men questioningly. "What is it that prevents humans from discussing unpleasant facts? Jim has left the ship. I will be leaving tomorrow. I believe the song says 'life goes on'."

McCoy swallowed his milk and pointed a finger at Spock. "Now there's the hobgoblin we all know and love." He began to eat his chicken.

The three sat in silence until Spock smelled a familiar fragrance. He lifted his eyes and saw Uhura sitting down beside him.

"Hey, sugar. Hi boys," she called out to the others. She shook out her napkin and took a sip of soda. "So, did Jim get off okay?" There was snickering from the other three and she glared at them. "Grow up."

"His flight was early but he boarded successfully. He will contact me this evening when he arrives on Earth. I will tell him you asked after him."

"Hey, me too!" Sulu cried.

"Me three!" Chekov echoed.

"Hell, say hey from all of us," the doctor grumbled.

Spock finished his meal and got up. "Thank you." He took his tray back and went back to his room. When he got there he lay down and closed his eyes. Jim would be gone a day when Spock left; it would be a day to New Vulcan. Then he had to get everything straightened out before he left for Earth. It could easily be a week before he saw his husband again. His heart hurt a little at the idea. They hadn't ever been separated. Not like this. He thought of the many couples where one partner was in Starfleet and the other remained at home. How did they stand it?

The computer chimed and Spock got up quickly and hurried to answer it. "Spock," he breathed.

"Hey, beautiful." The gentle voice lifted Spock's spirits. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Jim. How was your trip?" He sat down at the computer.

Jim stretched and looked out the window behind him. "Eh. I've had worse. I had to deal with this seven year old from Luna to Earth who wouldn't shut up about the great Captain Kirk. Hero worship always embarrasses me. I could have used a Vulcan shield of some sort."

"I am sorry, Jim. You are at your mother's?"

"Yeah, and would you believe it, she's home!" Jim leaned in to whisper conspiratorially. "She knows."

"She knows? Knows what, _ashayam_?" Spock found himself leaning in to whisper back.

"About you and me and the little one. I told her everything. She's going to cover for us until I make my first move. She said she'd do anything she could. I think she's a little freaked that she's a grandmother though." Jim smiled.

Spock nodded. "It is interesting that you mention her status change, Jim. My father made a comment about grandparents' rights and said he would be amenable to assisting your mother in fighting for your custody rights for your son."

Jim gaped at the screen. "Your dad has gone from probably wanting me dead to wanting to help me fight for my illegitimate kid?" He whistled. "That's pretty sweet."

"It was not an easy battle, regaining your position in the clan. I have reason to believe you will be on a modified probationary period for quite a while." Spock gave a small smile. "But you are still a part of my family. Father mentioned your mother may be upset with me as well," Spock hinted.

"Mom? Nah. She cried when I told her you were going to throw away your humanity because I left you. She loves you." Jim's eyes crinkled. "Like mother…."

"I would not use that particular phrase at the moment, Jim." Spock grew serious. "We do not wish your son's mother's anger to spill over to the child."

"He's too young to understand prejudice and malice. If I can get a hold of him, teach him some _real_ values, then he'll be fine." Jim shook his head.

Spock stared at his mate. "Real values such as what, Jim?" Jim's mouth fell open and Spock continued. "If I am to assist in raising this child, I need to know the path I will be placing before him."

Jim smiled. "Well, first off, it's a big galaxy. Lots of different species. Discrimination is wrong."

"Admirable," Spock intoned, "but somewhat innocent. Tell me, does your heart race when you see a Klingon warbird?"

Jim frowned. "Well, yeah, but that's because they shoot at us nine times out of ten!"

"Then perhaps a more appropriate example. Who tried to destroy Earth?"

"Romulans." Jim shook his head. "But weird-ass, time traveling Romulans. Not just ordinary Romulans."

"And who bears resemblance, and indeed a common ancestry, to Romulans, time traveling or otherwise?" Spock pinned his mate with a glare.

Jim flushed in response. "That's not right."

"It may not be right, James, but it is true. Your son may take one look at me and decide I have come to kill him. It happens to Vulcans every day since the massacre." Spock closed his eyes briefly.

Jim crossed his arms. "Babe, if I have to teach every single kid I meet the difference between Vulcans and Romulans I'll do it. We'll start simple. This is Spock. Spock is a Vulcan. Spock is peace-loving. Spock is a friend."

Spock chuckled deep in his chest. "I can see you going around pointing me out as an example. What was that ancient puppet show that used to teach children diversity?"

"Are you talking about Sesame Street?" Jim laughed. "Yeah, we'll have our own little Sesame Street. Today's word is _ashayam_. _Ashayam_ means 'beloved'. Spock is my _ashayam._ "

"You never cease to amuse me, _t'hy'la_. Very well. We will eradicate prejudice one child at a time. Starting with David." Spock closed his eyes. "Perhaps we can influence the mother as well."

"Stranger things have happened." Jim watched his husband's face freeze. "What?"

"My father quoted my mother, saying she would have said that about me being a stepfather." Spock tilted his head. "It is interesting. I do not feel any different."

"Remember me waiting to feel different after we got bonded? Other than a constant check on your emotions, nothing really changed between us. Except when we went to bed we – "

"JIM." Spock cleared his throat. "Your mother may overhear, and this is not a secure connection."

"No phone sex. Got it." Jim winked at his partner. "How are you handing the distance? Bond-wise?"

Spock tilted his head. "It does not seem to affect me. However, I had blocked the bond during my … unfortunate illness … and had not accessed it that often afterward. The silence is not that great."

"Well I miss it like crazy. I felt you fade away only two minutes after I left, and it's been kinda quiet ever since." Jim puzzled for a moment. "But two whole minutes at what, warp one? That's quite a distance!"

"The bond is meant to handle certain distances. In ancient times, before Surak, the clans would often move from camp to camp. Those who served as scouts would have to travel several days' journey ahead of the clan. The bond would have to survive that distance." Spock nodded. "I would be interested to someday find out the exact range of our connection."

Jim gave a terrific yawn. "I'm so sorry, sugar. It's not that late but I've had a rough day. When do you leave tomorrow?" Jim asked. Spock smiled gently.

"The shuttle will arrive at eleven in the morning. Remember, they are operating on New Vulcan time." Spock nodded. "I will be back on New Vulcan Friday at six in the evening. Meaning ten in the morning New Vulcan time." Spock squinted his eyes. "I believe I have converted that correctly."

"How about you call me Friday when you get in. Screw conversions, just call. If it's in the middle of the night I'll answer. If it's not, I'll still answer." Jim smiled. "Hey, lots of love and hugs to you."

"I will be thinking of you tonight, _ashayam._ Sleep well." Spock touched the screen.

"Bye babe." Jim signed off.

Spock took off his uniform and lay down under the covers. It was very early for him to be going to bed, but he missed his _t'hy'la_. It was going to be a very long time without him. He willed himself to sleep.


	15. Home Again

Jim woke up feeling cold and lonely. Perhaps one was related to the other. He stretched cautiously and peeked over the covers.

His old room hadn't changed much since he had left it. It was still generally a disaster area, in his mother's eyes. The big four-poster bed still sat cattycornered in the room, taking up most of the space. Two dressers sat on either side of the bed. The empty cage that used to hold his hamster still sat on top of one of the dressers. The other held his baseball card collection. If you didn't know any better (and if you ignored the layers of dust) you would think this room belonged to any average teenage boy.

Jim had left home relatively early. He was only sixteen when he stuffed some clothes in a ratty backpack and escaped into the night. At the time he thought his mother would never understand. She hadn't quite been the same since she and his stepfather had split four years earlier. Jim knew it wasn't truly his fault that they had separated. However, after the stunt with the Corvette, things had been extremely strained between the adults in the house.

He had always believed his mother didn't understand. Now he realized that parenthood didn't come with an instruction manual. He had turned out alright. He could only be so lucky if his son turned out half as well as he did. He heard the sounds of someone downstairs and decided to get up and join the day.

When he tromped down the stairs, he was greeted with a sneaker to the side of his head.

"Ow!" he cried.

"Stop leaving your sneakers in the middle of the hall, Jimmy. You're going to make me break my neck some day." His mother was standing in the kitchen doorway.

He rubbed his head. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Winona looked lovingly at her younger son. "How did you sleep, baby?"

Jim walked in the kitchen and slumped down in a chair. "To tell you the truth, I never sleep that well away from Spock."

Winona nodded sagely. "I expected as much. You know I still have Mr. Cuddles if you think he would help."

The mention of Jim's stuffed bunny rabbit made him blush furiously. "Mo-o-o-m," he protested.

"Okay. I had to offer. When do you expect your husband?" She placed a plate of pancakes in front of Jim.

"Mom, you didn't have to make me pancakes. I know my way around a replicator." Jim gratefully dug in and groaned in appreciation. "Mmshserggd."

"Swallow." Winona swatted his arm.

"Sorry. These are good. I don't know when Spock's coming. He has to take care of some business on New Vulcan, and then he's trying to give me time to get things set up here before he arrives. He doesn't want to scare Carol off." Jim ate some more pancakes and shook his head. "It's not an exact science," he complained.

"Well you leave Carol to me. I can handle her, mother to mother." Winona sat down beside her son. "Honey, you realize you will be forever tied to this woman by this child. It would be very easy and quite tempting to let her fade into the background."

Jim placed his fork down on his plate and stared at his mother for a long time. "Are you hinting that she could just go away and I wouldn't have to deal with her or my son?" He sat back. "Mom, you know I would have given anything to know my father. How can I let my son grow up not knowing me when I'm alive and well?"

Winona ruffled Jim's hair. "Okay. I just had to point it out. As far as Carol knows, I don't know anything about David, and Spock's not coming. I've got it. Do you think she'll call?"

"She's got eyes and ears around. She'll know I'm back in town."

"How? Who are her eyes and ears?"

"You, mom. Among others." Jim smiled at his parent.

"Me." Winona rolled her eyes. "Great. Okay, I can do this." Just then the comm. station went off and they both froze. "Do you want to answer that?"

"It's not Spock. He said he'd call me when he got to New Vulcan. You'd better answer it." He fluttered his hands at her. "Hurry!"

"Hello?" Winona answered, smoothing her hair back from her face.

"Winona? It's Carol." The words came across the connection and Jim's heart stuttered in his chest out of fear. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, sweetie. How are you?"

"Oh, just a little lonely. I just got into Riverside and I thought I'd come visit you." Carol smiled at the older woman.

"That sounds lovely! Jimmy's here, did you know? He's going to be in town for a while before he moves to San Francisco to teach." Winona glanced at her son and winked.

"Is he alone?" Carol was quick.

"Uh, actually yes. He and his husband are splitting up. I wouldn't bring it up; it's a sore subject." Jim was waving his hands at his mom but she went on anyway. "Maybe you can cheer him up."

"I would love to, Winona. I'll be there in half an hour. See you then." Carol hung up and Jim jumped up from the table.

"We're splitting up? Jeez, mom, how am I supposed to explain Spock showing up now?" He rubbed a hand down his face.

"Your husband will just have to do a little acting. I know, I know, Vulcans don't lie. But that doesn't mean they don't mislead the daylights out of people. Do you remember the tapdance Spock gave when I asked what that noise was in your room the first night you were here? Don't tell me he can't act."

"Thanks, Mom. I really needed that visual." Jim sank down in a chair. "Hey Mom?"

"Mmm?"

"I told Spock that I would do anything for my son. Was I exaggerating?" He blinked up at the woman.

Winona sat down and reached out to take Jim's hand. "I know what I did for you and Sam. It hurt like holy hell, but I haven't regretted it yet."

"What did you do?" Jim squeezed her hand.

"I lived." Winona shook her head. "When I lost your father I thought my world was over. It didn't help that I was suddenly a single mother of a young boy and a newborn baby. There were days that I wanted nothing more than to lie down and never get up again." She sniffed. "But then I would get back up and I would see your smiling faces and I knew I had made the right decision."

She paused for a moment, and then went ahead. "I know Spock means a lot to you. I've seen the way you two look at each other. The fact that you were willing to give that up for a child you didn't even know existed tells me one thing. My baby boy has grown up." She raised their hands and kissed their joined fingers. "Now, you need to look miserable and sullen. Remember, happy marriage splitting up."

Jim adopted a convincing look of sadness. "How's that, Mom?"

"Wretched. Let's hope she falls for it." Winona began to wipe down the kitchen table and Jim practiced sulking. After a time an aircar pulled up outside and Jim's faux sadness was replaced by very real nervousness.

The doorbell rang and Winona put her book down. "I'll get it, honey," she called loudly. Then she winked at Jim and went to the door. "Carol! Hello, darling, how are you?"

"I'm fine, ma'am." Carol came in and took off her coat. "Your home looks wonderful."

"Thank you," Winona answered. "Jim's in the kitchen."

Carol walked in and stopped to look at the miserable being in front of her. "Oh, Jimmy. I am so sorry. I heard about you and your … husband." She hesitated over the word. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I could use a hug," Jim mumbled. She opened her arms and he stood up and hugged her. While he had his face over her shoulder he stuck his tongue out toward his mother. Winona bit her lip to stop a giggle.

"You'll meet someone new. Maybe a girl?" Carol suggested as they pulled apart.

"Yeah, maybe," Jim answered. They sat down at the kitchen table. "So, how have you been?"

"I'm great. I was telling your mother I'm a little lonely here in Riverside. Maybe you and I can get together sometime. We could help each other get acquainted with the town." Carol batted her eyelashes at Jim and he felt his stomach turn.

"Sounds wonderful. I'm due for a call from Starfleet Friday, but how about Saturday? We'll go out to the movies or something. Ladies' choice." Jim grinned.

"Okay. I've had my eye on that latest Romulan horror flick. It sounds exciting!" She squeezed his arm.

Jim fought to keep a smile on his face. He had _lived_ through Romulan attacks. He didn't want to see some cheesy Hollywood take on his job. "You bet," he said through gritted teeth.

"Well, I have somewhere to be right now, but I'll keep in touch with you. How will you pick me up for our date, Jimmy?" Carol smiled at him and he felt his insides squirm.

"Well, I have to buy an aircar before I head out to San Francisco, so I'll do that today while I have the time, and then I'll be all set for our … date …." Jim finished lamely. He stood up and walked her to the door. "It's been great seeing you again, Carol."

"You too, Jimmy. Kiss for old times?" She leaned in. Jim barely put his lips on her cheek and she giggled. "You softie. Thanks. I'll see you later." She skipped out down the porch stairs and Jim shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All in favor of whipping Carol with a wet noodle? Show of hands in the comments!


	16. One More Goodbye

As soon as he heard the aircar pull away he gagged violently. Winona put her hand on his back and led him to the bathroom. She turned on the water and got a washcloth and rubbed his face. He gagged again.

"I'm so sorry, honey. Take a deep breath. Deep breath, that's it." Winona rubbed small circles on Jim's back. "Are you going to be okay? I know that was hard for you."

Jim wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stood up. "I'm sorry. Yeah, I don't want to do that again. I couldn't keep it up. I think there's something about the bond that won't even let me _pretend_ to cheat." Jim sighed. "It would be amusing if Spock were here, but right now it's about to blow this whole shebang out of the water."

"Well we'll just have to find a way to get her to be with you _without_ you cheating. Or making the bond think you're cheating. Whichever." Winona handed her son a cup to rinse his mouth out with and went back into the living room to wait on him.

When he was ready, Jim walked out and pointed up to his room. "I'm gonna call Spock, if I can catch him in his room. Maybe he hasn't left yet. I need his help." Jim walked upstairs to his room and shut the door. Sitting at the small comm. station in his room, he dialed the number.

The station rang for five minutes before Jim disconnected. He must not have been in his room. He probably already left. Jim dropped a hand down on the table in frustration. Just as he got up the comm. station chimed and he paused. Finally he decided to let his mom answer.

"Jim? It's Spock, honey." His mom hollered up the stairs and Jim pounced on the station.

"Babe!"

"Jim, are you well?" Spock sat down. "Why did you not leave a message? Is something wrong?"

"Why haven't you left yet? It's like noon on the ship!"

"My question for yours."

"I just found out what you meant back when we got married about the bond not liking infidelity." Jim watched his husband's face freeze. "No, no, baby, I wasn't cheating on you for real. I was trying to fake out Carol into thinking she had a shot with me. When she left I got sick. I can't even pretend to cheat."

"I have more questions, but I will answer your question first. The shuttle was delayed. It will be here momentarily. Now, _ashayam,_ why were you attempting to mislead your son's mother into believing she had a chance of a relationship with you?" Spock raised an eyebrow.

Jim stuck his tongue out at his husband. "I was doing it so she wouldn't freak out and leave the second you get into town. What I need now is for you to come here and act like we're working on a divorce. God knows she probably has no clue about what a bond entails anyway. Let her ignorance work to our advantage."

Spock made a distasteful face. "You are aware that I do not enjoy promoting falsehoods."

"You lied to Mom about the noise in our room when you stayed here," Jim pointed out. "She even mentioned it."

"She was aware that I was not being truthful?" Spock choked out.

Jim laughed. "Yeah. She's not an idiot, Spock; she recognizes skin-on-skin."

Spock turned practically bright green. "James!"

"Yeah, I know, unsecure connection, Mom might overhear, no sex talk." Jim rattled off his husband's previous objections.

Spock's flush was fading gradually. "I will have to punish you now." His voice was full of promise.

Jim's eyes lit up. "Really? Then I'm going to put in a request for detention with the teacher." He squirmed in excitement. "I'd really like that."

"We shall see," Spock evaded neatly. Then he became serious again. "You sincerely need me to act as though we are no longer together?"

"Yeah," Jim gusted moodily.

"I am not sure how the bond will respond to that either. I will do my best, of course."

"That's all I can ask of you. Listen, your shuttle should be arriving, like, any minute. Call me from New Vulcan so I know you got in safe." Jim's heart began to hurt from saying goodbye.

"I will, _t'hy'la._ I cherish thee." Spock touched the screen.

"I love you too. Bye babe." Jim cut the connection and sat back. A fresh surge of frustration toward Carol rolled through him and he gritted his teeth. Why was she acting like this? She didn't have any suppressed anger when they were together. But then again she was happy when they were together. Five years was a long time to not see someone. Lives changed quickly.

If it were just Carol, Jim could let the hostility slide. He knew going into this marriage there were going to be people who didn't understand, who either didn't appreciate two men being together or didn't appreciate a human and a Vulcan being together. Sarek had pointed that out eloquently enough when Jim had asked for his father-in-law's blessing to marry Spock. He knew he would always have to be careful of how people responded to him and Spock as a couple.

But those were adults. Carol was dicking with a kid's mind here. David might grow up and become bigoted on his own. But as a child he was an innocent. He didn't care who was what. He saw the world in two shades: friendly, and unfriendly. Jim was sure that if David could just meet Spock and get to know him that he would like him. Then again, that presupposed he would like his father too. Jim put his head in his hands. Time traveling Romulans were less complicated than this was.

Back on the ship, Uhura had called Spock to tell him the shuttle had arrived. Spock carried his luggage to the turbolift and waited. Then he saw Commander Demarcus walking toward him.

"Mr. Spock?"

"Yes, Commander?" The turbolift arrived and Spock picked up one suitcase. Demarcus picked up the other one and followed him into the lift.

"I wanted to say goodbye, sir. I know you're not one for lengthy partings but it's been a real pleasure working with you the past five years." Demarcus stopped as the lift arrived and they walked out to the hanger deck. "You and the captain made this voyage unforgettable. I hope I meet you again someday."

"I am certain you will, Commander. I look forward to seeing your paper published soon." Spock took the other suitcase from her hand. "It has been an honor. Will you be staying aboard the _Enterprise_?"

"Yes, sir. I'm hoping to be named head of the sciences section. Of course, I'll never be able to fill your shoes…." She smiled at him.

Spock looked down at his feet and back up at the commander. "My shoes?"

She laughed, a musical sound in the quietness of the waiting room. "I'm sorry it took me three years to see your sense of humor."

"I am sorry it took me three years to develop one," Spock responded. He put down a suitcase and raised his hand in the _ta'al_. "Live long and prosper, Shawndra."

She blushed at him saying her first name and clumsily copied his motion. "Peace and long life, Spock." She walked back to the turbolift.

Spock walked out on the hanger deck. "Commander Spock," the pilot began, raising the _ta'al._ " _I regret the circumstances that bring you home_ ," he continued in Vuhlkansu.

Spock raised an eyebrow. " _I was unaware that was common knowledge_ ," he replied in kind. " _Regardless, circumstances have changed. I regret that your trip has left you out of communication for this long_." He implied the pilot gossiped, and poorly, and the man blushed a soft green.

Scotty had been watching the exchange curiously and stepped forward when there was a break in the conversation.

"Aye, sir, I was wantin' ta give ya this. 'Twas somethin' I'd held back for ya all these years." Scotty handed him an IDIC pin. "I think ya know who it belonged to and how I got it."

"Ambassador Solion gave this to you after Delta Vega. Are you certain you wish to part with it?" Spock turned the small pin over in his hand.

"I think he'd be wantin' ya ta have it. Little bit o' history o' the cruise." Scotty stuck his hands behind his back. "You be takin' care o' the cap'n now, alrighty?"

"I shall. Good luck with your second cruise, Mr. Scott. Thank you for all you have done for us. Enjoy your time in command." Spock headed for the shuttle.

"Time in command," Scotty grumbled as he walked away. "Takin' me away from ma engines."

Spock heard very clearly and hid a small smile. Then he sat down in the shuttle and waited for the pilot to return. When he did, the bay cleared out, depressurized, and the shuttle slid off into space. Spock sighed as he watched the _Enterprise_ fade into the distance. Five years of his life – perhaps the best five years of his life were on that ship. He would actually miss it.


	17. Meanwhile Back In Iowa ....

In Riverside, Jim was walking around a fifth aircar, studying it. His mother trailed behind him.

"Do you honestly need something that big? It's just going to be you and – "

" _Mom!"_ Jim hissed.

"You alone," she corrected suddenly. "But do you need something that big?"

"I might. You never know. I might have a family someday," Jim finished cryptically.

"Well, it's a lot of credits, sugar. Do you really want to spend that much without checking with-"

"Mom!" Jim exclaimed loudly.

"Well he might want to know," she whispered conspiratorially.

Jim blushed. "I think he'll excuse me one aircar. I'll let him pick where we live in San Francisco, how's that?" he whispered back.

Just then the salesman came out. "Hello! Captain Kirk, what a pleasant surprise. I didn't know you were in our fair town! Are you looking to rent or buy today?"

"Buy," Jim replied calmly, and watched the dollar signs in the salesman's eyes. "I'm thinking I like this one."

"Oh, excellent choice! Very roomy, very powerful, long time between charges. I didn't peg you for wanting a blue car though."

"Blue happens to be one of my favorite colors," Jim quipped, and the salesman laughed a little too loud. Jim backed away and glanced at his mom. "Can I take a test drive?"

"Sure, come with me to my office and we'll get you set up. Is this your girlfriend with you?" the man asked suggestively.

Winona giggled and waved a hand at him. "Flatterer. I'm his mother."

"Well you come along too, miss. We'll all take a drive."

When they were done, Jim had made his mind up. It was big enough for a booster seat in the back seat, and he thought David would be able to see out the windows. There was a headphone jack in the back and a separate radio control so he'd even be able to tune his dad out if he wanted. It was perfect.

"Are you sure you don't want another color?" The salesman was insistent, and Jim put down his stylus and looked at the man seriously.

"What other color do you think I'd want?"

"I was thinking green." The salesman was obviously aiming at something, and it was pissing Jim off.

"Green, because of my ex-husband?" His stomach clinched but he got it out.

"Oh. Ex? What happened, Captain Kirk?" The man seemed genuinely upset.

"There were extenuating circumstances. It had to happen," Jim lied through his teeth and prayed he wouldn't lose his lunch on the man's desk. How was Spock supposed to do this when he got here? For once, the bond was doing something Jim _didn't_ want. But it was an essential function of the bond. He couldn't begrudge it if it wanted to keep them together.

"Well, then, I think blue is a very wonderful color too."

"You _do_ realize green is the color of my ex's blood, right? It would have been a little awkward to drive around in a blood-tinted car, right?" Jim's leg was shaking now. He had to finish this sooner rather than later. "I think I've finished the paperwork."

"Oh. Well, uh, yes. Okay, let's see what we have now. I think this is all set up. You're ready to go, Captain." The salesman got the key out and handed it to Jim. "Congratulations, Captain. It's been a pleasure doing business with you."

"I thank you," Jim said, and suddenly he heard his husband saying those exact words and the bond tried to flare to life. Jim swayed for a moment and the salesman reached out to steady him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. Thank you." Jim walked out and showed his mom the keys and she squealed. Then he told her he'd meet her at home and they took off.

On the way home, Jim lamented the fact that he had never owned an aircar before. He'd had that bike he gave away when he joined Starfleet. He'd driven his mom's aircar. But he'd not had his own before. It was kind of nice. As he pulled in the driveway he saw another vehicle parked by the barn. He slowed and shivered when he realized it was Carol.

He parked the car and got out slowly. Carol stood up from where she had been sitting on the front steps. "Hey, mister!" she called.

"Hey to you too!" Jim replied with an enthusiasm he didn't feel.

"I see you got a new car. It's beautiful. Why blue?" Carol walked up and slipped her arm through his.

"Is that what everyone's going to be asking me?" Jim exclaimed. "I like blue. So sue me." They walked up to the front porch and Carol followed Jim in the house. "So, uh, what can I do for you?" _Real subtle, Jim,_ he thought and sighed.

"I just thought you might want to go out for dinner tonight. Since you're going to be tied up tomorrow." Carol batted her eyes and Jim froze. Did she know? He tried to think back to what he had told her. "Starfleet calling?" she reminded him.

"Oh, yeah, that. Detailers are a pain," he commented obliquely. She perked up. "Anyway, if you give me your number I can call you as soon as I've got business out of the way," he told her.

"Jimmy, sugar, I'm afraid I'm going to need your help around the farm tomorrow." His mom walked in the kitchen and poured some water in a kettle for tea. "Actually, I wanted to get started tonight. I am so sorry, sugar," Winona finished to Carol.

"Oh." Carol pouted for a moment. "Well, it isn't every day you have a big, strapping young man come home and do your chores for you. I'll take a rain check, Jimmy." She kissed him on the cheek and he forced a grin. "I'll see you Saturday."

When she had left, Jim sank into a chair in the kitchen. His mom walked up behind him and started massaging his shoulders.

"I owe you, Mom," Jim whispered.

"Oh, you don't owe me anything. I fully intend to put you to work. If that just happens to get you out of spending time with the psycho ex, then it's serendipity. How do you intend to keep this up with Spock in town?" She sat down and started drumming her fingers on the table. "Where is Spock staying when he gets here? How will he get around? Jim, sugar pie, you haven't thought this out that well."

"I'll figure it out, Mom. Hey, why can't he stay here? Carol won't know. He's really quiet – " Winona coughed "—when he needs to be. He can be silent as a mouse. I'll keep him in my room and we won't tell anyone," Jim pleaded.

"Sweetie, he's a man, not a hamster. The escapade with the hamster didn't turn out that well either, if I'm remembering correctly," Winona laughed.

"Don sat on him," Jim recalled with a twitch. "I don't know who was more shocked." He turned his big blue eyes on his mother. "Mom, please can he stay here? Please?"

"Oh, jeez, here come the baby blues. You know I _can_ say no to that now. I'm immune. Now show me this kid of yours and I may melt. Grandmas are like that."

"I just hope he likes me. I've been so worried about him liking Spock that it didn't even occur to me that he might hate _my_ guts. Maybe when I've got Carol alone I can ask her if I can see him. He's got to be around here somewhere." Jim pounded a fist into the table.

"Don't push too hard, but see where you can get with her. How far away is Spock now?" Winona got up and poured a cup of water and put in a tea bag. Then she placed the tea in front of Jim.

"What's this for?" he asked, sniffing appreciatively. Then her question registered in his mind. "Oh, uh, depending on the service he uses he's three or four days away."

"It's Earl Gray. You drank it when Spock was here; I thought you might like a small reminder of him." Winona reached over and brushed her son's bangs to one side. He shook his head to put them back in place.

"I can't believe it was two years ago we were here," Jim exclaimed. "Spock just about froze his ass off. It was hilarious." Winona glared at him and he swallowed. "Well, it was hilarious to everyone except Spock."

"And I'm sure he thought you hovering on the brink of heat exhaustion on New Vulcan was just as amusing," Winona commented. "He'll be here in a week, sugar. Hang in there."

Jim laid his head down on the table. "He's already en route to New Vulcan right now." He got up moodily and walked out of the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Winona called.

"To lie down. Nothing else to do."

"Nothing else to do? Sweetheart, I have four stalls and a shovel I'd like to reacquaint you with," his mother commented harshly.

"You're seriously going to have the captain of the _Enterprise_ mucking stalls?" He walked back, an amused smile on his face.

"Last I checked, the captain of the _Enterprise_ was on leave. I'm asking James Tiberius Kirk to muck out my stalls. And I fully expect him to say yes." Winona tossed a dish towel at Jim and he caught it easily.

"Mucking stalls is for twelve year olds."

"It's all the rage for thirty year olds right now. Go. Git. Outta here!" his mother called, whistling and clapping her hands as if she were spurring on horses.

Jim rolled his eyes and went to change his clothes. He wasn't mucking stalls in his favorite jeans, for sure. He went outside and began shoveling. After his nose adjusted to the smell, the physical labor actually felt pretty good. He hadn't done anything this freeing since he was home last. The memory came up of Spock standing three feet away from the stalls while Jim cleaned them out and Jim found himself laughing. Spock was such a neat freak as it was; standing in animal feces was beyond him. Eventually he had picked up a broom and begun sweeping the rest of the barn. Jim had called him a pansy. Spock had merely raised that eyebrow and continued sweeping.

Jim paused for a moment, leaning his weight against the shovel. Soon all this would be over and he could get back to the everyday life he had led with Spock. Well, as everyday as it could be with them. Being on a starship had led to some interesting situations.

First, there was the shared bathroom. When they were just captain and commander, it wasn't a problem. Spock got up wicked early in the morning, whereas Jim preferred to squeeze every last drop of sleep out of his night. So Spock got ready at some god-awful time like oh-four-thirty and Jim got the bathroom to himself at six. But when the two returned to the ship a single, cohesive unit, there was some dancing to be done. Now, Jim woke when Spock got up, which meant someone had to wait. And Jim waiting to use the bathroom early in the morning could be described as anything but pleasant. Eventually Spock had to give up his sanctity clause and let his husband in to pee while he was showering. Poor Spock. Jim smiled at the memory.

Then there were the inevitable crises that threatened to pull them apart as a command chain. Spock would put his proverbial foot down; usually right on a young ensign's dreams, and he or she would come crawling to Jim. Jim was known for having not only a fair mind but an inside track with Commander Spock. Said ensign would plead his or her case, Jim would go and take it up with Spock, and Spock would become rather aggravated that his mate was attempting to undermine his authority. In the end Jim would usually back his husband up and the ensign in question would just have to deal with the ramifications of Spock's decision. Sometimes, though, Jim won. It was always worth a try, or so they said.


	18. Brotherly Love

Jim finished with the last stall and walked outside to stomp the crud off his boots. He looked out across the barnyard. Taking in the scene, Jim suddenly remembered the day his brother left.

" _I can't be me here. I've got to leave now while I still can._ " Sam looked at his younger brother. " _You understand, right Jimmy?"_

" _But you can't leave me here alone!"_

" _She'll never leave Don, and she'll never see you as anything but a painful reminder of Dad's death. I can't stand it; how can you?_ " Sam shouldered his backpack. " _I'll try to stay in touch. Remember I love you. I'm sorry._ " Then he set out down the road.

What would Sam say to all this now? Sam had been very supportive of Jim and Spock; he'd welcomed his new brother-in-law with open arms. It had been amazing watching Sam introduce his little son Peter to 'Uncle Spock' on the comm. Peter had exclaimed ' _Cool, a Vulcan!'_ and then clammed up in embarrassment. It was too bad Sam and Aurelan couldn't have made it back for that Christmas the year Jim and Spock had been here. It would have been awesome to see his big brother in the flesh again.

Jim checked his watch. It was six in the evening. What time was it on Deneva? Jim puzzled it over and finally walked up the stairs, toeing off his boots and leaving them on the porch. His shoeless entry was so silent his mom didn't hear him come in until he slammed the door behind himself.

"James Tiberius!" She grabbed her chest. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry," he lied. "Hey, Mom, what time is it on Deneva?"

She glanced at the chronometer. "Oh, it's just past one in the afternoon; why?"

"I want to call Sam. We need to have a brotherly chat."

"Brotherly chat? Last time you had a 'brotherly chat' one of you ended up in the emergency room with a rusty-nailed two-by-four embedded in his rear end. Should I be worried?" Winona continued chopping her celery.

"He earned that one," Jim objected. "No, I just want to talk to him. Please?"

"Sure, sweetie. Do you want to talk upstairs?"

"Yeah, it's kinda personal," Jim admitted. "Thanks, Mom." He walked up the stairs and into his room, shutting the door behind him. He sat at the desk and turned on the comm. station. Dialing the number, he crossed his fingers. On the third minute the station was answered by a very young boy.

"Hello?" Jim tried.

"Kirk res — res – house, this is Peter."

"Hey, Peter, it's Uncle Jim! Where's your daddy, huh?" Jim smiled at his nephew.

"DADDY!" the tiny lungs shrieked. Jim held his ears. The bugle call was repeated one more time before a man came into the picture.

"I'm here, Peter, thank you. Hello?"

"Dr. Kirk, are you in the habit of letting a six year old answer the comm.?" Jim tried for a very serious tone.

"He's more polite than my kid brother, that's for sure. How are you? Why haven't I heard from you in four months? Did you forget the world again?" Sam paused and looked at the screen. "Hey, it looks like you're home! Is everything alright?" He was instantly worried.

"Yes and no. I'm kind of in a pickle, and I need to talk to my big brother, but I need it to be an adult-only conversation." Jim sighed.

"Adult-only? Okay, let me switch to the station in my office. I'll be right back." Sam disappeared for a moment and while he was gone the little one came back.

"I was s'pp'sd to say 'residence'," Peter lamented.

"You did terrific, Peter. Very professional," Jim complimented. The screen broke into pixels for a moment and went to split screen.

"Hang up now, Peter, thank you," Sam called. The picture went back to one screen. "Okay, kid-proof office. What's wrong, Jim?"

Jim sighed. "Uh, well, I guess I'll start with the good news first. You're an uncle."

Sam's jaw dropped. "Spock had a baby?!"

Jim flipped him the bird. "No, you ass. There was a woman involved."

Sam leaned forward. "You had a kid with a woman. Uh, last I heard you and Spock were solid. Was it some sort of surrogate thing?"

"I wish," Jim sighed. "No, uh, this happened five years ago. Do you remember Carol?"

"You had a baby with _that_ creep?" Sam's voice went up half an octave. "Jim, tell me this is a sick joke."

"Why didn't you like her? Not that I'm opposing it now, but why didn't you like her then?"

Sam sat back in his chair. "Jimmy, she was controlling. Not that I objected when she got you to lay off the bottle and start studying seriously, but the way she did it was all wrong. Like a little feminazi. She scared me." He stroked his chin. "So that's why she left? She was preggers?"

"Yeah. I haven't gotten the whole story out of her yet, but I'm sure I will eventually. She had a boy, a little boy. His name is David. He's adorable, Sammy. He's almost as big as Peter, with sun-bleached blond hair and killer baby blues, just like his daddy. I haven't seen him in person yet, but I got to see him on the comm." Jim sighed. "I'm a dad."

"Yeah, you've got a kid with Evil Incarnate. So is that why you're home? Wait," Sam sat forward suddenly. "If you left Spock for this bitch I will rip you a new one. You didn't leave Spock did you?"

Jim smiled. "Actually, I _tried_ to leave him. My communications officer kicked my ass for it. No, we're still together and he'll be here in a week or so. He's trying to help me from New Vulcan."

"Help you? With what?"

Jim went through the story of Carol's demands and where they had taken him and Spock. He told Sam about the custody struggle and what he had planned to do.

"You're going to fight for custody and then … what? You're going to win custody and leave for San Fran? Jim, that's just about the dumbest idea I've heard you come up with." Sam blew a breath out.

"But if I have joint custody she's not _supposed_ to leave the planet without my knowledge. And I can fight her if she does. Right now I haven't got a leg to stand on. He's not even officially my son yet." Jim was frustrated.

"I know you're pissed, dude, but you've got to keep calm about this. This isn't a five year cruise you can walk away from at the end. This is parenthood. This is for real, and it's for keeps." Sam looked at his younger brother.

"Why does everyone automatically assume I'm some sort of flake who will run out on his kid at a moment's notice? I'm serious!" he continued when his brother rolled his eyes at him. "What is it about Jim Kirk that screams 'douche'?"

Sam shook his head. "I'm not calling you names, Jim, but you forget I've known you your entire life. You get bored, you get wrapped up in something else, you find reasons and you quit. Starfleet was the first thing you've stuck with since I've known you. Kid," Sam lowered his voice dramatically, "you tried the ultimate quit once. You don't do well with permanence."

Jim flushed bright red. "I was ten, for Christ's sake. How long are you going to hold that over my head?"

"As long as you're alive for me to do it. I haven't ever gotten over the fear that someday you're going to try again and this time I won't be there to help you." Sam's eyes were moist.

"Sammy. Sam. George. I swear to you I'll never try to take my life again. I _swear_. I'm so sorry that I put you through that." Jim sighed. "I couldn't do that to Spock anyway. It would kill him too."

"Damn right it would. It would kill him and Mom and me too. Look, no matter what happens, you can always come to your family. And if you think you can't come to us for God's sake, go to Spock. Go to someone. Don't ever pull that stunt again." Sam wiped away a tear. "Dammit. Now you've got me all emotional."

"I'm sorry, Sam. Look, what I called to do was ask how you introduce yourself to a five year old."

"As a father?" Sam bit his lip. "Wow. I don't know how you'd do that. I'd say just be honest with him. Don't talk down to him, but don't go all Spock on him either. Just talk normal. Tell him you're his father and that you're sorry you haven't been there but you want to get to know him." Sam peered at the screen. "Are you writing this down?" he asked incredulously.

Jim paused in his scribbling. "Uh, yeah." Sam laughed. "What? This is important!" Jim exclaimed.

"My boy, you've got it bad. So, what's going to happen now? Child support, visitation, things like that?" Sam sighed.

"I guess so. I won't mind telling you I'm scared out of my wits. When she started throwing around all these demands I freaked out – "

"Thus you trying to leave Spock," his brother chimed in.

"Precisely."

"Jimmy. Have you got a copy of the song they played at your wedding?" The non-sequitur threw Jim. "The song. You said someone sang Sarah McLachlan's 'Answer' at your wedding right?"

"Yeah … why?" Jim was still confused.

"Get a copy of it. Listen to the lyrics. _Closely_. I think you'll find it explains Spock's position in all of this. My wife looked it up after you told us the title and listened to it for hours. We still listen to it. It's phenomenal. You really need to hear it again."

Jim was now convinced his brother was losing it. "Uh, I think I've got to go."

"Good luck, little brother. You know my number. Let me know how it goes. Say hi to the hubby for me." Sam waved at the screen.

"Bye, bro." Jim disconnected the call. That was weird. His brother was a huge music buff, but his tastes usually ran in the more alternative category. Why was he so familiar with that one song? Jim went over to the computer and logged on. He searched through music directories until he came across a link for the song. He pressed a key and turned on the speakers.

_I will be the answer at the end of the line._ The first line made Jim's heart ache and he felt the emptiness of the bond all over again. He sank down on the bed and listened as the woman poured her heart out in song. He remembered how happy he was with Spock, and how he never wanted to be away from Spock again. He remembered all the things Spock had sacrificed to be with Jim, and he felt so small when he thought about how Spock had been willing to let go of him in order to make him happy.

_Cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind._ The night had certainly been unkind to Jim and Spock lately. They were doing great up until that horrible _pon farr_ had struck. It had been a clusterfuck since then. Jim realized he had a lot of apologizing to do to his husband, and some serious changes to make. He couldn't ever view Spock as disposable again. He had to do better than he'd been doing.

It was noon on New Vulcan. Spock wouldn't be there for another day. Jim sighed. Spock would call, just as soon as he got in. He just had to stay sane until then. He went down to have dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll pause here for the day. I think I left you in a good place; if I didn't let me know. Thanks for reading!


	19. A Plan Forms

Spock was meditating on the shuttle when he heard soft footsteps approaching him. He waited but the steps stopped beside him. A throat cleared and Spock pulled himself from his meditation.

"Yes?" he asked as he regained consciousness.

"There has been a development. You will not be disembarking on New Vulcan. Ambassador Sarek will be joining us and we will be leaving immediately for Earth. The ambassador wanted you informed." A young pilot looked down at Spock.

"Thank you," Spock responded. "When will we be touching down?"

"We have altered our speed. We will now be arriving in ten hours." The pilot almost shuffled his feet and Spock realized he was waiting for Spock to say something.

"What speed are we traveling at now?" Spock began.

"We are at warp two." The pilot leaned forward a bit. Apparently Spock was on the right track.

"How fast can this ship travel?"

"Warp seven, sir." The young Vulcan was nearly vibrating now. Spock now knew what the young man wanted to hear.

"Please raise our speed to warp seven. I wish to be to New Vulcan with all due haste." Spock nodded to the young man, who nodded back and hurried back to the cockpit. Apparently this service didn't have occasion to use the full capabilities of the shuttle that often. The pilot wanted to experience flight at its full speed. Spock sighed. The young Vulcan reminded him of Jim.

The thought of Jim made the bond ache and Spock closed his eyes. It wouldn't be long now. His father would probably have the shuttle at full speed from New Vulcan to Earth, so at warp seven that put Jim only ten hours away. He'd have to contact Jim and let him know to be expecting him. Spock leaned back and closed his eyes. He felt the shuttle surge as the engines pressed forward and he permitted himself a small smile. There was no _logical_ reason to be traveling at warp seven. That didn't mean it wasn't necessary. Oh yes, Jim would have fully approved.

Spock leaned his head back and found himself drifting off to sleep. It was nine thirty in the evening where Jim was. Perhaps it was time for his _t'hy'la_ to go to bed. Spock imagined he was holding his mate close in his arms and that all of this strain was over. Soon enough it would be.

* * *

Jim woke to the sound of the comm. station going off. He staggered out of the bed and sat down hard before hitting the switch.

"Kirk." It seemed old habits die hard.

"Jim?" The voice was scratchy but unmistakable. Jim's heart soared. " _T'hy'la_? Are you there?"

Jim realized Spock's visual wasn't connected. "Hey, baby, I'm here. What's wrong with the connection?"

"I am on a portable unit. We are en route to Earth and will be arriving in – " he spoke quickly to someone " – four hours. What time is it?"

"It's six thirty in the morning. I was asleep but I was dreaming of you." Jim touched the screen reflexively. "Wait." Everything Spock had said clicked. " _We_ who?"

"Father is with me. Is that a problem?"

"Uh, where are we going to hide _two_ Vulcans in Riverside?" Jim complained.

"Why will you have to hide us, James?" Sarek's voice sounded over the speaker.

Jim realized his husband and father-in-law didn't know his plans. "Uh, well I was planning on sneaking Spock in to the farmhouse to stay with me. I wasn't expecting you both. Um…." He wasn't sure how to proceed.

"That is not a problem. Spock may stay with you and I will stay in a hotel. Of course, you did not answer my previous question, James. Why must you hide us? Why must you 'sneak' Spock in?" Sarek cleared his throat. "Is there something you are not telling us, James?"

"I believe I understand, Father," Spock responded. "Jim had mentioned that he has somehow convinced his son's mother that he is available as a partner. I was supposed to come to the town to discuss divorce arrangements. That could still work if you are there to protect my interests in said proceedings."

"Yeah, that does work! Thanks, Spock. Are you okay with that…" Jim paused and swallowed. "…Father?"

There was a very long pause in which Jim had plenty of time to regret his last word. He finally opened his mouth to apologize when he heard Spock hiss " _Father!_ "

"Yes, my son. Your plan is agreeable. I apologize. I was unprepared for the reaction I would have at you referring to me by that title again." Sarek was quiet.

Jim shook his head. "I'm sorry, sir, it won't happen again," he apologized.

"No. It was not an unpleasant reaction. It merely gave me pause. I would prefer you refer to me as Father. That is, of course, when you can. Will it not be more appropriate for you to refer to me as Ambassador Sarek while I am in town?" Sarek's voice was calm. "It would not do for your son's mother to get the wrong impression of our relationship."

Jim remembered his mother's comment about Vulcans misleading people and laughed. "You're right. _Ambassador._ So call me from the visitor's center and I'll come get you. Least you can do is feed your ex lunch when he arrives, right?"

"Very well. I cherish thee, _ashayam_ ," Spock replied.

"I love you too. I'll see you when you get here. Bye guys." Jim hung up. Then he stood and did a little victory dance. Spock was almost here! God, what speed were they going to make it from New Vulcan to Earth in such a short amount of time? It didn't matter. He was on his way!


	20. Reunited At Last (And It Feels So Good)

Jim jumped in the shower and got ready for the day. He got dressed and then flew down the stairs and skidded in sock feet into the kitchen where his mother was sitting with her ever-present book.

"Good morning, beautiful lady. Are you up to company?" He kissed her cheek.

"Company?" she mused as she marked her place and put the book aside. "Does he have pointed ears and turn an adorable shade of green when embarrassed?"

"They both do," Jim quipped and watched his mom's face freeze. "Sarek's coming too."

"What? When are they getting here? Where are we putting Sarek, precious? Sam's room? I haven't gotten it ready. The house is a wreck. I don't know what to fix for supper. What am I supposed to do with the ambassador from New Vulcan in my house? Jimmy, why didn't you tell me?" she scolded in one long rant.

"Breathe, Mom. They'll be here in four hours. Sarek's staying in the hotel. Aim for something vegetable and you'll please them both. And for gods' sakes Mom, he's my father-in-law. All you have to do is feed him embarrassing information about me and you'll get along beautifully." Jim pinched his mother's cheek.

"Goodness. Okay, well I've got to go to the store to get something for lunch and dinner. I'm not feeding the man out of a replicator. Clean up the downstairs some. And wipe that grin off your face. Your husband _left you_ , remember?" Winona swatted her son.

"Oh. Yeah. Sad." Jim morphed his face into a sad look. "How's this?"

"Why is he coming to see you?" Winona questioned, and Jim hesitated. "He's coming all the way from New Vulcan to see you. Why? Unfinished business?"

"Oh. Divorce talk. Sarek's here to protect Spock's interests. We've got a story all worked out."

"Does Carol know Vulcans don't divorce?" Winona pointed out.

"Oh. But that's just a myth. Vulcans can divorce. It's just really freaking rare. Sarek's first marriage was basically annulled before he met Amanda." Jim clamped his mouth shut and blushed.

"I see. Well, I'll pretend I didn't hear that last bit. So are you going by yourself to pick them up, or do you want me to go with you?" Winona tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Come with me. It'll look more real. You know, parent versus parent, kid versus kid. Make her think a huge blow-up is coming." Jim rocked back on his heels.

"As long as I don't have to come to blows or something, I'll go along with your little plan. How are you going to keep Spock here? Doesn't he have to leave with his father?"

"Crap. Okay, I'll drive him in late at night. Like midnight. Bring him back and then…." He trailed off. "Come to think of it, how will I get him _out_ in the morning? Damn. He's going to have to stay with his dad. Damn damn damn."

"I'm sorry, honey. But remember, this is for the greater good. Get through this and you shouldn't ever have to do it again. I hope," Winona continued under her breath.

Winona left for the store and Jim began cleaning. He dusted the downstairs and then ran the vacuum-bot and went out and picked some wildflowers for the kitchen table. When everything was ready he stood back and admired it. It seemed silly, being nervous about how the house looked. Sarek wasn't that concerned when Jim crashed Spock's vacation three years ago. Then again, Vulcan houses were radically different from human houses. They didn't do anything illogical like decorate. Come to think of it, flowers were stupid. Vulcans didn't care about flowers. He plucked them out of the vase and started toward the door when his mother staggered in under a double-armful of groceries.

"The flowers are beautiful, honey! Put them in the vase on the table," his mom called out. She made her way in the kitchen and set down the packages. "I didn't know what vegetables Sarek ate. I could barely get Spock to eat when he was here so I have nothing to go on. I got basically the entire produce section. Except squash. I remembered Spock's face when I made squash. He may claim to have no emotions but that boy _hates_ squash."

"He had a bad experience with his mom and fried squash. It's funny; you should get him to tell you that story sometime." Jim put the flowers back where they had been and sat down. "God, I'm so nervous I'm sweating. This is my husband. Why am I so freaking nervous?"

"Young love. You've spent time apart and now you're about to be reunited. Albeit under less-than-desirable circumstances. But still, you're about to lay eyes upon the most important person in the world to you. You're going to be all a-flutter for a while. I'm so happy for you that you've found that person to be with, honey. It makes your mother feel better." Winona put most of the groceries away and began to chop up a head of lettuce. "Do they eat salads?"

"Yeah. As long as you don't put any red cabbage in it."

"Sarek or Spock?" Winona questioned.

"Spock again. He hates red cabbage too."

"Picky, isn't he?" she intoned knowingly. "Ahh, I don't envy your chore of finding food for him to eat. You _are_ going to feed the poor boy occasionally, aren't you? He's skin and bones and doesn't eat." Winona sounded like a typical mother.

"That 'skin and bones' weighs 245 pounds on a scale, Mom. He's not suffering. He's just thin. And he _never_ eats. Although rumor has it he'll eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches if you cut the crust off them." Jim winked at his mom.

Winona paused and mentally pictured her son-in-law eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches – with the crust cut off. She laughed. "Okay. I'll leave the feeding part to you. You're obviously better equipped than I am to handle that task. Is there anything I need to know about Sarek? Things he likes to talk about? Things he hates to talk about? What do I do if he mentions Amanda?"

Jim leaned back in the chair. "He doesn't talk that much. Kinda the strong and silent type. If he mentions Amanda just act natural. He's not afraid to talk about her. If he brings her up, he's got a reason." Jim nodded his head back at his mom. "You're not afraid to talk about Dad, right?"

Winona paused in her attempt to slice a bell pepper. "Your father was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Second to my children, of course," she remarked.

Waiting took forever, but three hours later the comm. station chimed. Jim jumped up to answer it. "Hello?"

"Captain Kirk." It was Sarek. "My son and I request a meeting to discuss appropriate terms for the dissolution of your marriage. Where may we meet?"

Jim looked behind Sarek and realized he was at the downtown visitors' center. That explained him sticking so fiercely to the story. Jim winked at Sarek. "We can meet here at my mom's place, if that's okay with you. We'll come get you."

"Very well." Sarek cut the connection without as much as a goodbye. Jeez. Apparently the ambassador to Earth was an actor as well. Jim motioned to his mother, who had already grabbed her purse. They headed out to Jim's aircar. The drive there was painfully silent; Jim was trembling by the time they parked and headed into the visitors' center.

Jim looked around at the people standing in the building and was about to walk further in when he heard a beloved voice in his mind.

_Ashayam. Do not turn around. We are behind you._

"James Tiberius." A deep, powerful voice tolled behind him and Jim jumped. He turned around slowly and found an apparently extremely miffed Sarek.

"Ambassador Sarek." He looked to the right and his heart leapt. "Spock."

"Ambassador Sarek, I am Winona Kirk." Winona stood beside her son defiantly. "We will take you back to my place. Follow us." She turned and walked purposefully back through the terminal to the parking lot. Jim followed closely, willing himself not to look back to see his husband one more time.

_T'hy'la!_ Jim's mental voice was frantic. _I've missed you!_

_Soon, Jim. Soon I will hold you in my arms again. Soon I will taste your kiss again. We will be together._ Spock focused his eyes on the back of his mate's head.

They put the luggage in the trunk, got in the aircar and drove off. As soon as they left the town limits Jim sucked in a deep breath.

" _T'hy'la_!" He reached back with one hand and grabbed a hand.

A throat cleared delicately. "I do not believe that is the hand you wish to be holding, son."

Jim dropped the hand suddenly. "Uh, sorry Father. Spock, dammit, take my hand!" He reached back again blindly. This time he felt a familiar cool hand embrace his. "God I've missed you."

"And I you. Is it wise to be traveling at this velocity with only one hand on the controls?" Spock sounded his usual sarcastic self.

Jim drew back his hand. "Bite me. I've driven this thing a whopping two whole times and I haven't crashed yet."

Sarek leaned forward to whisper to Winona. "Perhaps you should have driven."

"What do you think of it?" Jim asked, twirling a finger around at the car.

"It is very nice," Spock remarked and then the answer came through the bond. "It is ours?"

"Well, we have to have something for San Francisco. I got least offensive color I could. The moron at the dealership wanted me to get green, for you." Jim scoffed. "I told him that's the color of your blood and he shut up real quick. Some people piss me off."

"Only some?" his husband murmured.

"Ambassador, why didn't you warn me your son was so witty?" Winona laughed.

"It is more interesting to experience it in person," Sarek remarked. "And please, call me Sarek."

"I'm Winona. Pleased to meet you," she responded.

They pulled up in the barnyard and got out. Jim called out to leave the luggage in the car. They walked in the house and Jim immediately turned and threw his arms around his husband.

"Jim…." Spock breathed awkwardly, trying to keep his balance.

"Shut up. Hold me." Jim buried his face in Spock's neck. Spock complied and they stood there for a full two minutes. Finally Jim released his death grip on his mate and stood back. There were tears tracing down his face.

"Oh, _ashayam_ ," Spock whispered. He wiped at the tears with one finger. "Why are you crying?"

"I almost lost you," Jim whimpered. "I almost lost you and it would have been my fault and I _hate_ that bitch for what she's doing to us. I'm sorry, Father," he finished, seeing Sarek standing to the side.

"I would consider it understandable," Sarek commented softly. He pulled off his jacket and Winona took it from him. He looked around the house for a long moment. "Amanda would have loved to have seen your home. It looks remarkably similar to the house she grew up in."

"It's just your typical farmhouse. Been here since the turn of the century. Somebody went for the old-school type building. I'm lucky I have a replicator and a comm. system. Please, come in to the living room." Winona led them through the foyer to the next room. Jim led Spock over to the sofa and they sat, hands tangled together in what would pass for pornography on New Vulcan. Sarek tried unsuccessfully not to notice his sons' passion.


	21. Exchange From The Heart

When they were all seated Winona opened the discussion nobody wanted to start.

"Okay, Sarek, what are we going to do about these two?"

"Well, madam, I have been informed you are a grandmother. Congratulations." Sarek nodded to her.

"Oh. Yeah. You're a grandfather. Same to you." She looked at the older man.

"What is so remarkably tragic is James is more than willing to be supportive and responsible in the raising of his young son. However, the mother is complicating the issue by interjecting her own desires in the equation." Sarek paused. "I will maintain that James has disappointed me in his earlier attempt to leave my son at the behest of this woman. However, I will adjust to that. What matters now is how we handle this blackmail scheme."

Sarek turned to Jim. "James, you have apparently convinced this … Carol? … that there could be a romantic liaison between you. I do not approve of your method but I cannot fault your logic. As long as the young woman remains on Earth we have hope of securing custody for you."

Spock sat up on the sofa. "Indeed, the sooner we have this hearing the better off we all will be. Have you confirmed or denied the presence of your son at this time?"

Jim shook his head. "I see Carol tomorrow, and I'm hoping to convince her to let me see him. I'm going to try to get a piece of hair to get to Bones for testing."

"Unwise," Sarek intoned, and Jim paused to look at him. "The doctor is too close to this case for objectivity to be maintained. I recommend you use a third party."

"Okay, so we find another clinic to do it. That's fine. But I want to tell him I'm his father before she stops me." Jim was adamant.

"Again, unwise." This time it was Spock objecting. "If you do not wish to alarm the mother, then going against her wishes would be most ill-advised. Perhaps she will tell him on her own."

"Spock, I can't wait for a complete psychopath to do the right thing," Jim cried. "Come on, meet me halfway here!"

"Jim, I am attempting to see this from both sides, because frankly you cannot. Your emotions are too volatile for your logic to be sound." Spock was apologetic but firm.

"Well thank you very fucking much!" Jim snapped. He got up and walked out of the room. Winona got up to follow him and Spock laid a cool hand on her arm.

"Do not attempt to calm him. It has been my experience that when Jim is this upset he needs time to process what put him in that state to begin with. He will return momentarily." Spock looked into her eyes.

"It's your marriage," she commented softly, sitting back down.

Jim went upstairs to his room and slammed the door. Then he flopped down on the bed and felt hot tears in his eyes. Too close to be logical? Well of course he was too close! This was _his_ kid! Spock couldn't understand. It wasn't his kid they were fighting for.

Or was it? This was the closest Spock was going to come to having children. Jim sat up, sniffling. Spock might consider this child every bit as much his as Jim did. He was just more logical about it because he had more experience distancing himself from situations. This might be tearing Spock up just as much as it was Jim. Jim flushed with embarrassment at his behavior. He slid off the bed and tip-toed back downstairs.

"If I can talk to her as a mother, maybe I can – " Winona broke off, hearing her son's footsteps in the hallway. Jim came in quietly, eyes cast down. "Are you okay?" she asked gently.

"Yeah," Jim mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"As am I, _ashayam._ I realize this is a highly frustrating situation for you and I have not been the most supportive mate. I will attempt to do better." Spock patted the seat beside him and Jim came over and sat back down. He reached out and Spock took his hand.

"What were you saying, Mom?" Jim asked.

"Oh. Well if I can talk to Carol mother-to-mother, maybe I can make her understand the damage keeping her little boy from his father could do. She's aware of Jim's story; if I play up the fact that Jim was damaged by his father's absence then maybe I can reach her that way." Winona crossed her legs.

"It's worth a shot," Jim added.

"In Jim's memory, Carol intimated she was willing to hold Jim's past against him. Jim, precisely how much did you tell her?" Spock turned to his mate.

Jim paled. "Uh, I told her everything." He saw the shocked looks on the others' faces and he went on in defense. "I thought we were going to be together forever!"

"No one is blaming you for your judgment, James. It merely complicates the situation somewhat." Sarek shook his head. "So now, James, I must ask for an incredible amount of trust on your part." Jim looked at him. "I request that I do a deep meld on you. I will attempt to access the memories you have of Carol to determine precisely what you told her and how. If I cannot do that, I will scan your entire memory to better understand your history."

Jim turned his blue eyes on his husband. "Can't you do it?"

"My father requires the information. Whether I meld with you to determine the required information and then later meld with my father to transmit said information, or he receives it directly, he must have it. Which would you prefer?"

Jim trembled slightly. "Um, no offense, Father, but I'd rather Spock did it. It's kind of personal and I'd rather not be there when you find it out."

"Very well. Spock, would you like to take James to another room?" Sarek looked to his son.

Spock nodded and the two men got up. They walked out of the living room and Jim led them up the stairs to his room. When they got up there Jim shut the door and crawled up on the bed.

"I know you've had access to this information from the beginning because of the bond," Jim began quietly. "But you've never pushed to find out stuff I told you I didn't want to discuss. You're going to have to push now." His last statement was low and jagged.

"Jim, if there were another way…." Spock trailed off and climbed up on the bed beside his mate. "I will be as gentle as I can," he offered.

"Just do it," Jim sighed, and sat facing Spock. Spock raised a hand slowly.

"I am sorry, _ashayam._ " Then his fingers connected to the psi points and the world dissolved.

Downstairs, Winona had gotten up to get Sarek something to drink. "Tea?" she called.

"Do you have any milk?" Sarek requested.

"Stomach bothering you?" Winona guessed. He nodded. "Your son drinks milk when his stomach is bothering him too." She brought the glass in to him. "What do you think is happening up there?"

Sarek sipped the milk and set the glass aside. "Would you like to experience a mind meld?" he offered.

Winona's eyes opened wide. "Isn't it deathly personal?"

"Not necessarily. It is only as personal as it has to be. I could show you a memory of mine without accessing yours." Sarek nodded to her.

"Oh. Um, okay. What do I do?" she asked.

Sarek got up and knelt beside her chair. "Simply clear your mind," he whispered. He placed his long fingers on her psi points and then….

_She found herself standing on a deck of a house on a desert world. Before her, a woman lay in agony. She was giving birth._

" _Push." The Vulcan woman kneeling beside her held her hand. In the memory Winona realized how personal that contact was._

_There was movement and another woman knelt in front of the woman in labor. With a towel, she raised up a squalling bundle._

" _You have a son, Ambassador." The woman lifted the child up and Winona saw a tiny, perfect baby Vulcan boy. He stopped crying immediately and his eyes seemed to focus in front of him. Then he was carried over to the woman on the bed._

" _What will we name him?" the woman asked breathlessly._

" _We will name him Spock," came the voice in the memory. They moved closer to the woman and child. "Thank you, Amanda. I have never known such fierce emotions as these. We have a son. Thank you."_

" _I cherish thee, Sarek."_

" _I cherish thee, Amanda."_

The memory ended and suddenly the world came rushing back in. Winona realized her heart was pounding in her chest and there were tears falling from her eyes.

"There is somewhat of an emotional transference involved with melding. It will pass momentarily." Sarek handed a tissue to the shaken woman.

She wiped her face and blew her nose. "That … that was Amanda. The day Spock was born," she breathed.

"It is one of my most treasured memories." Sarek stood calmly and walked back to the other chair.

"You didn't have to show me that memory," Winona objected.

"I consider it fair trade," Sarek commented. "You allowed me the great privilege of joining with your mind. It is not an imposition for me to share my most special moment."

Winona got up to throw the tissue away. "Wow. So that's what Spock and Jim are doing now?"

Sarek nodded. Then he glanced toward the stairs.

Upstairs, Spock's fingers withdrew from his mate's face. He took in a steadying breath and shook his head as if to clear it.

" _T'hy'la_ , why did you feel the need to tell her these particular things about yourself?" Spock was amazed.

Jim shrugged. "I think I was trying to test her. See what it would take to make her run. Turns out all I had to do was knock her up." Jim was amused to see Spock attempt to process the colloquialism. "Get her pregnant," he clarified.

"Ah. Very well. You do realize I will have to show this to my father?" Spock looked at his partner.

" _C'est_ _la vie._ I just didn't want to be personally involved in him finding out. It's really invasive."

"Let us return." Spock got off the bed and waited for his mate to join him. They walked back downstairs. When they got to the living room they found Winona in the middle of a story.

"—and after I'd been in labor four hours the ship was attacked. They rushed me off to a medical transport and we left. We left George behind."

Jim realized what story she was telling and stepped forward quickly. "Mom, you don't have to talk about that."

"It's okay," she assured her son. "I'm actually okay with it right now." She looked back at Sarek. "Jim was born five minutes later. George heard his son cry for the first time, and we decided to name him Jim, after my dad. A minute after that George was dead."

Sarek shook his head. "Your courageousness is an inspiration, Winona. Amanda would have been very pleased to meet you."

"In my mind, she's with George and they're comparing notes," Winona laughed. Sarek nodded thoughtfully.

"It would be a pleasant way to think of her, being with a friend," Sarek remarked.

Jim looked back and forth between his mother and his father-in-law. "What did you all _do_ while we were gone?" he asked incredulously.

"Shared memories," Winona commented cryptically.


	22. An Overdue Cat Nap

"What is next?" Sarek asked his son.

"I have the required information. I request that the knowledge of this material not change your opinion of my bondmate." Spock stepped forward. "There is a stipulation on one of these memories. Please heed it."

"I will do what I can," Sarek promised. Spock knelt in front of his father, who raised a hand to Spock's head. They connected and went still. Their breathing synchronized. Neither man moved for three whole minutes. Then Spock's breathing shifted and Sarek's hand came down.

Sarek looked up at his son by marriage. "Remarkable," he commented.

"What?" Jim was nervous.

"You have faced such adversity, and yet you are still a giving, loving human being." Sarek shook his head. "What you told that young woman does not change my opinion of you to the negative. Indeed, I have found a new respect for you." Sarek raised his hand in the _ta'al_ and nodded to Jim. Jim gaped at him but walked forward and copied his motion, pressing their palms together.

"This is how Vulcans hug," Jim told his mother as they broke apart.

Sarek looked at his sons. "According to what I now know, Carol's first and primary strike will be against Jim's mental stability. The drinking, the rumored sex life, and the other memory I am not permitted to mention aloud." Jim's eyes opened wide when he realized Spock had kept the memory of Jim's suicide attempt private, especially from his mother.

"All are troublesome; however I can say they are not unusual for a human to experience. It is what he did _after_ these incidents that defines the man he is now." Spock placed a hand on his mate's shoulder. "He has been extremely responsible for the past eight years, in the Academy and on the _Enterprise_."

"She's going to imply he's irresponsible?" Winona objected. " _She's_ the one who ran off when she found out she was pregnant!"

"And we will point that out to a judge," Sarek told the woman. "However we do not need to discredit the mother in order to lift up the father."

Winona glanced at the clock. "We should eat. It's late, but it's lunch." They got up and walked into the kitchen. Winona put out the salad and bowls. Jim got out the silverware and oil and vinegar dressing. They sat down to a very pleasant meal.

Afterward, Jim started to clean up when his mother stayed his hand. "Why don't you and Spock go up to your room? Your time together today is slipping away." Jim smiled and nodded, reaching out to grab his husband by the sleeve and tug him out of the room.

They climbed the stairs and walked into the room. Spock shut the door behind himself and found himself pressed against the door in a fierce kiss. Tongues battled, hands roamed, and the bond flared to life between them. Jim finally let him catch his breath.

"Not that I am complaining, _t'hy'la_ , but what are you doing?" Spock breathed softly. Jim was in the process of undoing Spock's belt and pants. " _T'hy'la,_ " Spock gasped. Jim didn't desist. When it was over, Spock rested his hand on Jim's head. "Why?" Spock whispered.

"Because it drives you nuts, and I haven't done it nearly enough recently." Jim smiled up at his husband.

"And now that you have accomplished this?" Spock began, letting himself be led toward the bed, pants still around his ankles.

"Now we're going to fall asleep together, properly." Jim pulled down the covers and slipped out of his shoes and pants. "Come to bed, please?" Jim pleaded.

Spock undid his shoes and let his pants fall the rest of the way off. He climbed in the bed and found himself held tightly.

"God, I love you," Jim murmered. "I'm never letting go of you ever again. I'm super gluing myself to you right now. This is it. We're stuck together forever," he proclaimed.

"I do not object," Spock commented drowsily. The two men fell asleep in each other's arms. The evening began to fall around them.

Jim was in the middle of a great dream when he heard a knocking noise. It took him all of five seconds to come out of the dream and sit up. Damn Starfleet training. The room was dark. He peered at the door.

"Come in," he called softly.

Winona poked her head in. "Baby, it's nine thirty. I think it's time we take Sarek and Spock to the hotel."

Jim pouted. "Oh, alright." He waited for her to shut the door and then leaned down to kiss the dark hair under the covers. "Wake up sleepyhead."

"I am awake. I am merely not pleased that I have to leave." Spock pulled the covers down and sat up. "When will I see you again?"

"Well, I have my – " Jim gagged for a moment. "— _date_ with Carol tomorrow evening. She wants me to take her to some horror flick that sounds like the _Narada_ all over again. God, I don't want to do this. Make me not do this," he pleaded with his mate.

"You may see your son tomorrow," Spock mused. "What do you think of that?"

Jim went silent. He looked from the floor to the ceiling and then back to Spock. "Well, I don't know. I'm kind of afraid I'll burst into tears the second I see him."

"The child might not understand, but the mother should. Have you decided whether you are telling him you are his father yet?" Spock was slipping his pants back on. Jim observed the process lovingly.

"I figured I'll ask her permission. Not that I need it," Jim added vehemently. "I also know how I'm going to get her into court."

Spock slid his shoes on and stood up. "And how is that, _ashayam_?"

"I'm going to ask her for joint custody. And when she says they'll never let me have it because I'm gay, I'll say I want to try anyway. She won't pass up an opportunity to humiliate me in public." Jim shook his head.

" _T'hy'la_ , are you certain you want to be so bold about this?" Spock stood with his hands clasped behind his back, looking at his mate calmly when he was anything _but_ calm.

Jim felt the concern through the bond and walked up cautiously, reaching a hand out. "Hey. What's wrong? Are you having second thoughts about this?"

"Are you aware of the fight your people went through to accept same-sex relationships? It was all but illegal for a very long time, and even when it was legally acceptable it was still considered morally wrong. And now you want to broadcast this part of your life in a public hearing?" Spock took the hand Jim had offered and played with the fingers nervously. "How will Starfleet react?"

Jim's jaw dropped. "You're worried about Starfleet? Seriously? The only person in Starfleet I have the slightest urge to impress is Chris, and you know he supports us fully. Everyone else can go take a flying leap." He let go of his spouse's hand and turned his back to him. "Or are you worried how this will make _you_ look?"

There was a small flare of indignity through the bond. "You would ask me such a question?"

"Answering a question with a question isn't an answer, Spock." Jim crossed his arms. "Try again."

Spock physically turned his husband around. "James, I have never been ashamed of my relationship with you. I do not broadcast it because it is not the way I was raised. However I would never be so inflexible that I would deny you the support you need in order to preserve my dignity. Your needs have always come first in this marriage. That is a fact of which _you_ are well aware."

Jim sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry. This just has me so pissed off. I may have to sacrifice our privacy for the sake of a kid who, for all I know, may not even like me." He wrapped his arms around his mate. "Can you forgive me for being an insensitive prick?"

"Please attempt to avoid the occasion in the future," Spock rumbled, accepting the hug. Then he pulled away. " _T'hy'la_ , I have to leave."

"I know," Jim pouted. "I'll drive you myself. And you can call me and we'll talk all night on the comm. like we're fourteen year old girls."

"Speak for yourself, _ashayam_. I am clearly the older girl in this situation." Spock's sense of humor had obviously righted itself. Jim snorted and got ready. When he had his shoes on he began to head out of the room to go downstairs.


	23. Getting The Pieces Into Place

Winona was reading her book in the living room alone. Jim looked around quickly. "Hey, where's Sarek?"

"He went in my room to meditate. He wasn't sure how long you'd be. Spock, do you want to go get him?" Winona set her book aside.

"We can wait." Spock tilted his head. "He will be out shortly."

"Familial bond?" Jim guessed. Spock nodded. "Hey Mom, did you and Sarek eat already?"

She nodded. "I made a plate for Spock. I figured he might be hungry, and even if he isn't right now he'll have to eat eventually."

Jim acted wounded. "You made a plate for him and not me?"

"You know your way around a replicator, or so you've told me." His mom teased him gently. Just then Sarek emerged from the back bedroom.

"Thank you, Winona." He looked to the pair, who were hovering near each other. "I understand it is difficult to be apart, but it is only for a short amount of time. We should depart." He went to the foyer and got his heavy winter coat. "Spock?"

"One moment, Father." Spock turned to his mate and took a hand in his. "You will remember we are on the same side, _ashayam_ , correct?"

"Yeah. I'll take you to the hotel. Be right back, Mom." He went in the kitchen to get Spock's plate, and then threw on a coat and went outside.

The trip to the hotel was quiet. Jim kept sneaking glances at Spock, who was sitting in the back seat. They'd decided sitting together was too tempting. Jim pulled up to the hotel and sat there.

"I guess I can't help you carry in your stuff," he lamented.

"Not at this time, James. Remember. This will not be forever." Sarek nodded to Jim. "Peace and long life, son."

"Live long and prosper, Father." The two Vulcans got out and retrieved their luggage. Then they disappeared into the hotel. Jim didn't stay long after; it was just too painful. He drove home.

That night Jim laid awake, listening to the wind blow outside and wondering what tomorrow was going to bring. Sleep didn't come for a very long time.

The comm. station went off at seven in the morning. Jim had finally fallen asleep an hour before and was slow to respond, so his mom answered. She walked up the stairs and knocked on his door.

"Jim?"

"What?"

"There's a lonely Vulcan on the comm. for you." Winona listened to her son move quickly from the bed to the desk.

"Hello?"

" _T'hy'la_. I did not mean to wake you." Spock was apologetic.

"No, it's okay. I wasn't sleeping that well anyway. How was your night?" Jim ran his fingers through his unruly hair.

"My night was as well as I expected. I missed you, naturally. Father suggests we locate a lawyer today for your custody dispute. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Jeez, every time I've dealt with a lawyer it's been a public defender. I haven't got the first clue as to how to find a real lawyer." Jim blushed hard.

"I have a suggestion," Sarek chimed in from behind Spock. Jim's blush intensified when he realized he was on the comm. with his father-in-law, _with visual_ , in his underwear. Sarek didn't seem to notice though. "I can call the embassy and request a recommendation. Do you mind, James?"

"Oh, uh, no. Go ahead. When you've picked one just call me and we'll go to the office together. Carol's intel isn't always reliable. They may just say we saw a lawyer and not tell her what kind of lawyer we saw," Jim hoped aloud.

"We will return to you within the hour, James." Sarek moved off.

"Goodbye, _t'hy'la_." Spock ended the call and Jim sighed. This was becoming more and more real. Now there were going to be lawyers involved. Jim fervently hoped that didn't mean he'd have to tell the _lawyer_ everything about his past. It seemed there would be no other choice though. Jim got up and got ready for his day.


	24. Legal Eagles

When he went downstairs he found a note from his mom on the kitchen table saying she was out riding a horse. Jim went to the replicator and got some cereal and ate breakfast. He was putting the bowl in the sink when his mother came in from the barnyard.

"Oh, Jim!" she exclaimed happily. "Thunder is so much fun! You haven't ridden in forever. Why don't you go out and take a ride?"

"I don't know. I'm not really that interested. Plus I've got to meet a lawyer today; Spock's setting it up now. I don't want to get all sweaty and have to take a shower again." Jim walked into the living room and stood looking out of the front windows. His mother came up behind him quietly.

"It's all becoming deathly real, isn't it?" she asked. Jim snorted. "Baby, you've faced trials in your life that most of us will never understand. You've been responsible for 400 people, day in and day out, and you've had to fight battles against unimaginable foes." Winona reached out to rub Jim's shoulder. "You've been through rougher waters than this, with less support. But now you've got a family who supports you, including a husband who loves you more than anything. You're going to get through this," she ended definitively.

Jim closed his eyes. "I know Mom. But knowing it and accepting it are two totally different things. Until this is over, one way or the other, I'm going to be a nervous wreck." A thought crossed his mind and he turned around. "Why aren't you on some remote planet somewhere right now?"

Winona tucked her hair behind her ear. "My little boy called me, heartbroken, saying he was coming home alone. I cleared my calendar. I'm on leave for a month. I can take longer if I need to." She walked up and wrapped her arms around him; she practically had to stand on her tip-toes to reach his shoulders. "I wasn't there for you when you were growing up. I've done a little growing of my own since then. And from now on if you or Sammy needs me I'm going to be there. I've done a lot of things in my life. It's time I be a mother as well."

Jim dropped his head down on her shoulder. "I love you. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I'm putting you through this."

"You're 'putting me through' nothing. I have a miraculous grandson I never expected. You're trying your hardest to make this as painless as possible for everyone involved. Let me shoulder some of this for you, okay baby? You've got me, you've got Sarek, and most important you've got Spock. You're not alone." Winona kissed her son's ear.

"Okay, waterworks are about to start," Jim warned lightly. The comm. station went off and Jim turned to the kitchen. "I'll get it."

"But what if it's…."

"It's not." Jim smiled at her. "Hello?" he answered.

" _T'hy'la._ We have secured the services of a family law advocate in Riverside. She comes highly recommended by the Vulcan Embassy." Spock looked at his husband steadily.

"Great. Want me to come get you now?"

"It would be preferable." Spock tilted his head. " _Ashayam_ , why were you so sad earlier?"

"Mother-son talk. Mom was just telling me how much she loved me. And that I have a family who will support me now. Long story," Jim finished awkwardly.

"You do have that support, Jim. Why does that make you sad?" Spock was confused.

"I'll tell you later. I'm on my way, okay?" Jim touched the screen. "Love you."

"And I you, _ashayam_. We will be waiting." Spock cut the connection.

When Jim picked up Spock and Sarek, Sarek took them to an inner part of the town of Riverside. The lawyer's office was just another older home surrounded by modern buildings. They parked on the street and walked up. Jim snuck a glance in around him, making sure no one saw them enter. When they were seated in the lawyer's office Jim began to feel paranoid.

"Are you sure no one followed us here?" Jim asked his spouse.

Spock tried not to roll his eyes. " _T'hy'la_ , Ms. Elasier practices family law. She could just as easily be representing us in a divorce instead of a custody hearing. Please do not overreact."

The lawyer entered and sat at her desk, which was cluttered beyond all recognition. "Hello, I'm Sabrina. You must be Captain Kirk and Commander Spock, and Ambassador Sarek." She picked up an old legal pad and began scribbling. "According to the embassy, you are in need of custody arrangements. Which of you is the father?"

Jim laughed out loud and she looked up. "I'm sorry, my mind went somewhere else. I'm the father," Jim answered.

"Where did your mind go?" Spock asked.

"You and me having kids," Jim laughed. Then he sobered. "Sorry."

She looked him over and shrugged. "Name of child's mother?"

"Carol Michele Marcus," Jim sighed. There was some more scratching on the pad.

"And the two of you are not on speaking terms?"

Jim's mouth thinned and his eyes turned cold. "We're on speaking terms. So long as I play by her rules. She's trying to blackmail me into a relationship by holding my son hostage." Spock reached out and put cool fingers on Jim's arm. "Sorry," Jim exhaled. "It's a little complicated."

"You are currently involved with Commander Spock, are you not?" The lawyer looked between them.

"We're _bonded_ , if that's what you mean." _She's starting to piss me off,_ he warned his husband through their connection.

_Answer as best you can, ashayam. It is for a greater good._ Spock stroked Jim's arm.

Sabrina began to write again. "Bonded. So you're married? This poses a problem because she is homophobic? Or is she xenophobic?"

"As far as we can tell, both," Sarek joined the conversation. "She has decided she wants to be with James by any means possible. She is not above taking the child away if that will deliver the desired results."

The lawyer took in her clients and decided something up front. "Ambassador Sarek, Commander Spock, I appreciate your wish to help Captain Kirk." She paused suddenly. "That is how you are addressed, is it not? Captain Kirk?"

Jim smiled weakly. "Whatever."

"Okay. You want to help but you're making him even more nervous. Perhaps if you wait outside until I am ready to talk to you?" The lawyer stood and gestured to the door. Spock remained rooted in his seat but Sarek stood.

"I understand," Sarek conceded. "I will wait outside, son." He turned at the door. "Spock?"

"I am not leaving," Spock all but pouted. "I am requesting custody as well. David is just as much a part of my family. I will not leave."

Sabrina sat back down. "Very well. Ambassador, stay or go, either way." She waved a hand at him casually and pulled out a padd. Sarek walked out into the waiting room and shut the door behind him. Sabrina looked at the men before her.

"Are you doing this of your own free will?" she began. "Because custody hearings get nasty and some less-than-pleasant facts may come out. Against you or her. And you're not immune as a spouse, Commander Spock." Sabrina focused on the Vulcan. "This will be emotionally complicated. Are you certain you wish to be involved?"

"I wish to help raise David with my husband," Spock answered succinctly. "Nothing else matters."

"Okay, let's start with the basics. Is the child here in Riverside?" Sabrina picked up her stylus.

"Uh…." Jim shrugged. "I think so. His mom is."

"Okay. Have you had contact with the child recently?"

Jim scoffed. "I haven't had contact with him really at _all_. I've seen him once, on a comm. call."

Sabrina sighed and put down the writing utensil. "You haven't seen the child? How are you even certain he's yours?"

"I'm not." Jim stared at her. "It's a feeling. The kid looks exactly like me. He's the right age that Carol would have been pregnant when she left me. Everything tells me this is my kid."

A big sigh answered him. "Alright. What are the factors against us in this?"

"Well, she isn't happy that I'm with an alien man. She wants me and her to be together. It's kind of like she's gone psycho since I last saw her. My brother insists she was controlling from the get-go but I don't remember her being that way." Jim picked at his nails. "I just know she's pissed that I'm in Starfleet and married to Spock."

"What have you done to change her mind?" the lawyer posed.

Jim laughed. "Well, she thinks Spock and I are divorcing, and I was up for reassignment so I took a post at the Academy in San Francisco this fall. Those were her two major demands."

"No. Oh, no." Sabrina shook her head. "We don't want to start off on the wrong foot. I can't believe you got a Vulcan to go along with a lie to begin with," she exclaimed. "No, tell her you and your husband have worked things out, but that you still want shared custody."

"But she'll bolt!" Jim proclaimed. "I can't scare her off!"

"Leave that to me," the lawyer grumbled. " _I'll_ keep her here in Riverside. It may not be pleasant, but I'll keep her here."

Spock shifted in his seat. "Counselor, I would be curious as to how you will accomplish this."

"The name's Sabrina, Commander Spock, and I'd rather not go into details. The less you know the better." She gave him an evil smile. It didn't make him feel any better.

They discussed Jim's current life and the obstacles he had overcome to be there at that time. A certain niggling feeling built up in Sabrina's mind and she changed her line of questioning.

"I have a feeling there's something you're not telling me about your past, Captain. She must have some terrific ammunition on you, and I need to be forewarned should it come out in a hearing. What dirt does she have on you?" Sabrina crossed her legs almost daintily.

Jim looked over at Spock, who nodded and sent a wave of support through their bond.

"Well, there are things I told her that's she's probably going to use against me."

"Like what?"

"Like, I used to drink. I mean a lot. I would get in bar fights every weekend and spent a fair amount of time in jail as a youngster." Jim looked down at his shoes. "And I kinda had a reputation as a ladies' man in the Academy. It was nothing but hot air. I didn't do a fraction of the things people said I had done."

Sabrina was scratching away at the legal notebook again. "You were an irresponsible youth? I can handle that."

"Some of this goes beyond irresponsible." Jim was very quiet in his remarks. "I attempted suicide at ten."

The attorney put down her pen and looked at him. "You're afraid she's going to say you're not emotionally stable enough for custody?" She shook her head. "Jim, you're talking about ancient history here. Everything I've read about you in the past five years has been of the highest caliber. I know you had a rough start, but you've been the pride of Starfleet for half a decade now. I even read where your crew has voted you most popular captain in the 'Fleet." She reached under a pile of papers and brought out another padd and handed it to him. He read the article slowly.

"Yeah, my crew loves me," Jim admitted bashfully.

"And they love you and Commander Spock together, too," she added. "Did you know two of your Engineering staff were put in jail on Earth two years ago for brawling with someone who had said something disparaging about your marriage?"

Jim laughed. Spock turned to look at him curiously. Feeling the confusion, Jim explained to his husband. "Mark Evinas and Don Goverson were on shore leave for Christmas and someone called you and me 'butt pirates'. Mark got offended and flattened the guy. Don jumped in to cover him. The only reprimand they got was they had to polish the formal silverware in the galley. I couldn't bring myself to actually punish them for it."

Spock stared at his husband. "Jim, you sound proud of them. Violence is never a solution."

Jim shrugged. "It was a matter of honor. Vulcans don't go around pounding people's faces in but you're just as touchy about honor as we humans are." He looked at Sabrina. "So you're saying we have the court of opinion on our side?"

"Precisely. And the facts are, you're interested in raising the child, you're mature, you're capable of supporting the child financially; there's very little negative she can bring up to the court." Sabrina looked at the two men carefully. "So do you know how to contact this Carol?"

"Mom does," Jim replied quickly. "They've stayed in touch." He gave the lawyer the comm. number to his mom's house. "Are you going to tell her today?"

"The sooner the better. I'll file for an immediate hearing. We should have our first court appearance within a week." She stood and handed them each a business card. "I'll stay in touch. Where are you staying, Commander Spock?"

Spock looked from the attorney to his husband and back. "Seeing as I no longer have to pretend I am leaving Jim, I will be staying at his mother's with him."

"Okay. I'm going to take your father's deposition now, Commander Spock, so if you two can hang out in the waiting room I'll be done as soon as possible." She walked around the desk and opened the door. "Ambassador Sarek? I'll speak with you now." Sarek walked in as Jim and Spock walked out.


	25. Push Comes To Shove

Jim sat down in an overstuffed recliner and put his feet up. "I can say this much for Sabrina: she has awesome taste in furniture."

Spock sat on the sofa across from Jim. "You trust your attorney for her decorating skills?" He shook his head slowly.

Jim looked fondly at his mate. "So the hiding is over. Do you feel better, not having to lie?"

"Naturally," Spock responded. "However, I am still concerned that the frontal assault on this case will not be well received."

"I trust Sabrina, and I mean for more than her furniture. She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. She says she can keep Carol in Riverside; I believe her." Jim stretched.

They fell silent and waited. Spock began reading a magazine on the table and Jim closed his eyes. After fifteen minutes Sarek walked back out with Sabrina.

"Thank you so much, Ambassador Sarek. Your statement will be a big boost to the case. I'll call you when we've got a court date, Captain Kirk." She shut the door and the three men walked out.

"Wow. That was easy." Jim unlocked the car and they got in. He turned on the heater and maneuvered the car back toward home. "She's going to call Mom and get a hold of Carol. I wouldn't want to take _that_ call."

"I am sure all will be well, James. The important thing is that you have very little to fear anymore." Sarek sounded surer than the other men and Jim looked back at him.

"You know something you're not telling," Jim accused gently.

"You will know soon enough," Sarek answered cryptically. The rest of the ride was silent. They got to the farm and parked behind Jim's mom's truck. They walked in the house quickly; it was a very cold day, even for March.

"James Tiberius," his mother began seriously. "Why is your attorney calling Carol?"

"She's going to get a hearing date ASAP," Jim told her. "We've dropped the cloak and dagger and we're going for broke. So Spock's staying here now. Father, do you wish to stay here as well?" Jim asked his in-law.

"No, child, I will stay at the hotel. Winona, if I may, I need to speak with you privately." Sarek gestured back to the living room.

"Oh. Okay. Jim, I was going to have sandwiches for lunch. Can you help make them?" She pointed at the kitchen cabinets, and then walked into the other room.

Jim shrugged and they washed their hands. Jim got the bread out and then hunted down the peanut butter. There were two different types of jelly and he got out both and began making the first sandwich for Spock.

"Hey Spock," Jim began. "What are your feelings on raising a kid? How do you feel about all of this?"

Spock stood beside the table and watched his husband at work. "I am both excited and nervous. I want to make a good impression on the young child, however I do not wish to become too attached and have him reject me at a later date."

"That's a risk you've just got to take, babe," Jim answered. "He might reject me just as easily. There are no guarantees."

"Will David have to be deposed as well?"

"Yeah. The most current law allows the child's testimony to come into play as to which parent he wants to be with." Jim smiled. "Maybe he'll be excited to have a father. Actually, he gets two fathers for the price of one," he joked. He pushed a surge of love through the bond and Spock turned and almost smiled at him. "You worry too much, love," Jim complained.

"And you do not worry a fraction of what you should," Spock responded gently. Jim handed him a sandwich and started in on the next one. "Why _are_ you so calm about this?" Spock questioned his mate.

Jim smoothed on a layer of peanut butter on the bread and thought about the question for a moment. "Well, babe, it's like this. I've become accustomed to having the best and brightest around me. I ask, they deliver. I never have to wonder if they know what they're doing because they're the top of their field." He began putting raspberry jelly on the other slice of bread. "I trust that Sabrina is the top of her profession; otherwise the embassy wouldn't have recommended her. She'll do what I ask. Simple as that."

Spock tried to scoff at his husband's faith and found he couldn't. He walked to the edge of the kitchen and looked into the living room. His father was seated in one chair, Winona leaning in close to him. They both looked very intense. Almost on cue, Winona looked up at her son by marriage and smiled.

"Lunch ready?" she asked Spock.

Spock looked back in the kitchen and Jim shook his head. "Not at this time," he answered. She nodded and went back to her discussion with Sarek. Spock put his sandwich on a plate and sat down at the table. Jim reached over and put the next sandwich on another plate and turned around fully to face his husband.

"Not precisely how you saw this cruise ending, huh?"

Spock frowned for a moment. "Jim, when I first pictured this cruise ending, I saw myself coming back for a second cruise with the same crew I was assigned the first time. The same captain I was serving." His eyes warmed. "I did not anticipate marrying that captain, nor did I imagine being a part of a crew that would be like family to me." He reached out with two fingers and Jim completed the gesture. "I cannot say I am disappointed at anything that has happened."

The comm. station chimed and Jim reached over casually to answer it. "Hello?"

"Jimmy! God _damn_ you!" The fury in her voice put ice water in Spock's veins. In the other room, Winona and Sarek got up quickly and came in the room. Jim was still gaping at the screen.

"Uh, what's wrong, Carol?"

"What's _wrong_?" She was seething. "Social Services just came to my hotel and _took David_. They said they believed I would attempt to flee the planet. Your lawyer was with them and now she wants to sit down and arrange _custody_ for you. Well, Jimmy-boy, you can rot in _hell_ for all I care, you're never seeing this boy again!"

Jim was a ghostly shade of white and his hands had started trembling out of camera range. "Carol, you and I need to talk, like adults. This is precisely the reaction I was expecting you to have. Why don't you get a lawyer and we'll all sit down and discuss this rationally?"

"Oh, I'll discuss this, all right. I'll make sure everyone knows exactly what kind of man wants to raise my little boy. They'll all know, Jimmy." But Carol's threat didn't seem to faze Jim that much.

"Carol, I don't want to play games with you, but your past isn't exactly pristine either. I'm only asking for joint custody. Would you prefer I ask for sole custody?" Jim's eyes gave a freezing azure stare.

She went silent for a moment, seemingly out of steam. "I _am_ getting a lawyer."

"I expect nothing less," Jim answered seriously.

She cut the connection and Jim stepped backward involuntarily. Spock stood and pulled him into his arms.

" _Shh,_ _ashayam_ , be still. Be still. It is over. Take a deep breath." Spock held his husband tightly. Winona came around to one side and put her hand on Jim's shoulder. Sarek stood in the doorway.

"Oh, God, oh…." Jim took a quivery breath and buried his face in his mate's neck. "I didn't know they were going to _take_ the kid!" he whimpered.

"I apologize, child," Sarek started. "I was aware of the lawyer's plan. I was not fully supportive of it; however I could see her logic in the situation. Either we forced the mother's hand and we received our day in court, or we continued to cave to her demands and all our lives would be forever shadowed." Sarek looked from Jim to Spock and back. "I saw no other solution."

Jim shook his head, which was still resting on Spock's shoulder. "It's okay, Father. I guess I understand. I've done shadier things in the 'Fleet. I'm sorry I'm so emotional. It must be embarrassing to you both," Jim finished. "I'm so sorry."

Spock pushed his partner back so he could look him in the eye. " _T'hy'la_ , your emotions are a part of you. I cherish _all_ of you. I am not precisely calm at the moment either. Father, what happens now?"

Sarek made a steeple with his fingers and looked over at Winona. "The lawyer will want to take your deposition, Winona. Then she will speak with James privately about his plans for the future." He looked to his sons. "Your and Spock's lives together will be scrutinized. There can be no indication of abuse or neglect on either of your parts."

"Vulcans don't abuse their spouses," Winona objected, and Sarek shook his head. "Right?" she added.

"I am only half-Vulcan," Spock pointed out. "An aberration such as that is entirely possible with me."

The comm. system chimed again and Jim waved a hand at it. "Someone else answer," he begged.

Winona picked up. "Hello?"

"Hello, Mrs. Kirk, this is Sabrina again." The lawyer took a breath and instantly regretted it.

"What right do you have, pulling that child away from his mother? Carol called over here and screamed at my son, and I don't entirely blame her! Couldn't you find another way?" Winona ran out of words.

Sabrina blinked at the older woman. "Mrs. Kirk, I haven't done a single thing I will regret later in court. The child is going to be seen by expert psychologists to determine his mindset about his father and what he has been told. He will have a supervised visit with his father and his father's husband. And then he will be returned home _with the understanding_ that he will not be leaving the area until the hearing."

Winona exhaled. "Well I would have liked to have had warning. _From someone_ ," she added, glaring fiercely at Sarek. Sarek, for his part, retreated to the other room.

"I presume Ambassador Sarek is over there?" Sabrina nodded in answer to her own question. "It is fortunate that the child has two generations of parents caring for him."

"His name is David," Jim objected loudly. "Would you please refer to 'the child' as David?"

Sabrina lowered her eyes for a moment. "Of course, Captain Kirk, I apologize." She picked up a sheet of paper and put it in her briefcase. "I have to go see what the results are of the examination. I need Captain Kirk and Commander Spock to meet me at the courthouse."

Jim looked over at his husband, who inclined his head slightly. "Alright, we'll be there." Jim picked up a sandwich and thrust it as his mate. "Eat. You're not going on an empty stomach." He picked up the other sandwich and took a bite, wandering over to look out of the kitchen window.

"Thank you. Mrs. Kirk, I'll need to see you tomorrow in my office. Ambassador Sarek can give you the address." Sabrina reached for the comm. station. "Goodbye."

Jim ate his sandwich and got a glass of milk. He took a sip and handed it to his partner. "Here. You look like you need it more than I do."

Spock accepted the milk and finished his sandwich. Then they washed their hands and got their jackets. "Dad, try not to pull any more surprises on Mom for the rest of your trip here. She _really_ doesn't appreciate them." They walked out the door and down to the aircar.

" _Dad?_ " questioned Winona.

"Your son has a unique sense of humor. I told him he could call me Father. He has chosen to add 'Dad' to that as well." Sarek raised an eyebrow at Winona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Alright, be prepared, because it gets kinda fluffy from here. There's still plenty of drama, believe me, but there's going to be enough fluff to cause minor cavities. You are warned.


	26. Pleased To Meet You

Across town at the courthouse, Jim parked the aircar and they got out.

"Are you certain you wished to appear in jeans and a sweatshirt?" Spock queried.

"It was good enough for the lawyer," his mate replied. They walked in the building to the security queue. Jim slipped out of his shoes and turned and looked at his husband. "Are you waiting for musical accompaniment?"

Spock frowned slightly. "No, I am simply endeavoring to picture how an assassin would bring a weapon in beyond these security measures." He took off his shoes slowly and handed them to the waiting guard.

Jim went through the scanner first. "I don't think they can, Spock."

Spock stepped in the scanner and raised his arms. "But it does pose an interesting problem in logic as to how you would place the weapon so the scanner would not find it." The security guard held up a hand and Spock stopped. "Is there a problem, officer?"

She snorted at him. "Sugar, you're talking about getting weapons past _my_ security. You think I'm not going to check you out a little closer?"

Spock tilted his head at her and Jim walked up and grabbed his wrist. "You'll have to excuse my husband; he's been in space too long. Come along, sweetie." The last part was growled. The officer let them go with an amused look on her face.

"Are you _trying_ to get arrested?" Jim exclaimed when they were in the elevator. He pulled on his last sneaker.

"No, I merely wanted to solve the very real security problem they pose. They depend on scanners, thinking they cannot be beaten. _Any_ machine can be beaten." Spock was pouting, ever-so-slightly. He put his shoes back on just as slowly as they had come off.

The doors opened on the third floor and Jim spotted Sabrina halfway down the hall. He waved to her and the three met in the middle.

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased you came. There is someone who is very eager to meet you." She looked back toward a guard. "Come with me." She led them to a room and glanced at the guard. "This is – "

"Captain Kirk and Commander Spock. I'm well aware of who they are, Ms. Elasier. Go ahead." The man held the door open and she walked in. Jim followed second; Spock came last.

In the room there was miniature furniture and lots of toys. Playing with the blocks listlessly was the young boy Jim had seen on the comm. Jim made a faint squeak of surprise and the boy looked up. It was like watching the sun come out after a storm. A brilliant, unmistakable Kirk smile spread on the child's face and he jumped up.

"You're Captain Kirk!" he burst out. He ran up and held out his hand like a man. Jim shook it gently. "My daddy's coming to see me, sir!"

Jim's chest ached and he looked back at Spock. Spock was standing in the far corner of the room, as unobtrusively as possible. "Yes, so I hear. I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. This is – "

"Commander Spock. Wow. A Vulcan!" David was so eager he almost reached to shake Spock's hand. Then he drew it back and struggled valiantly to display the _ta'al._ Jim reached down.

"Let me help you, slugger," he told the boy. He rearranged his fingers properly and let go. "There."

"Do I have it right Commander Spock?" David looked up hopefully to the taller man.

There was a warmth in Spock's eyes that Jim hadn't seen given to anyone but him before. "Yes, you do have the _ta'al_ correct, Mr…?"

"David Marcus," he answered slowly. "But I might want to take my daddy's name." He looked up at Sabrina. "Ms. Ela—Elas—um, ma'am, when is my daddy coming?"

Sabrina looked from the boy to the man standing in front of him. "Well, actually, David, Captain Kirk _is_ your father."

Jim waited breathlessly to see how the boy would react. At first he just looked at Jim. Then that Kirk grin came back and David stood as tall as his little bones would allow him.

"You're my daddy?"

Jim knelt down to David's level. "Yeah. Is that okay with you?"

"David Kirk." David tried it out. "David Kirk. My mommy calls me David Marcus. That's all I've ever been."

Jim tucked his legs under him and sat on the floor. "Well, you can still be David Marcus and be my son. You don't have to be a Kirk."

David copied his father's movements and plopped down beside him. "Why aren't you and Mommy together?"

Jim craned his neck to look at his husband first, then the lawyer. Sabrina nodded to him in support.

"Well, I'm already with someone else," Jim began.

"You're with a man, Mommy says." David was very matter-of-fact.

"Um, yes. That's true. What do you think of that?" Jim felt like he was drowning without a preserver.

"Who are you with?" The boy looked at him expectantly.

Jim reached two fingers out gently in a Vulcan kiss and Spock met him with his fingers. "Well, David, I'm with Mr. Spock."

David looked at their hands strangely. "What are you doing?"

Jim withdrew his hand slowly. "It's like how humans kiss," he explained. He was perspiring so much under his sweatshirt and his voice kept threatening to break every other word. Spock sent reassurances through the bond.

"Are you and Mr. Spock going to have babies?" David had picked up a toy car and was playing with it on the carpet.

Jim's jaw dropped and he took almost a minute to recover. Spock prodded him gently. "Uh, no. No." Jim laughed out loud. "No, neither of us is going to have babies. Where did you get _that_ idea?"

"People who love each other have babies," David answered sagely. Jim thought his lungs were going to burst from holding in his laughter. Spock's eyes were smiling, and Sabrina covered her mouth.

"Well, uh, that's true sometimes. Sometimes they don't. Everyone's different." Jim reached out hesitantly. "Uh, David…." He trailed off and looked up at Sabrina. "Can I hug him?" She nodded. He put his hand on David's tiny shoulder. "Can your old man have a hug?" This time his voice did crack.

David looked at him and got up. Then he walked over and wrapped both his little arms around Jim's neck. Jim felt tears falling down his face and reached up to wipe them away before he scared David. The hug lasted for quite a long time. When David let go there were still tears on Jim's cheeks and David kissed them away.

"Mommy says sometimes the happiness leaks out and people cry. Are you crying because you're happy, Daddy?"

Jim nodded mutely, not trusting himself to say anything yet. Finally he got himself back under control and looked at his watch. It had been a half an hour already. There were so many things he had to say to David. Where to begin?

"David, I want you to know your Mom and I don't exactly agree about a lot of things, and she's kinda mad at me right now. But no matter how mad Mom and I get at each other we both love you very much, okay?" Jim's face fell as he saw his son shrug. "You do know we love you, right?"

"Why did you go away?" David began.

Jim's jaw clenched for a second. "David, I didn't know where you were until just recently, okay? Remember when your mom called me and she had you wave to me? I was on the starship and I had been gone your entire life." He sighed. "But as soon as I knew you were here on Earth I came as fast as I could."

David thought about this for a moment and then posed his next question. "Who do you love more, Mr. Spock or me?"

Jim fell silent, trapped, until Spock stepped forward. "Mr. Marcus, your father's love for you is vastly different from his love for me. He loves you as his son. That is a very special, very sacred love."

"So he loves me more?" David guessed.

Spock nodded gravely. "I would not object to that statement."

David grinned up at the Vulcan and shrugged. "I like you, Mr. Spock. Are you like my second Daddy?"

This time the Vulcan was silenced and Jim looked lovingly at his partner. "What do you want to call Mr. Spock, David?"

"Daddy Two." David smiled. "There's this girl at preschool, her name is Bridget. She's got two mommies. She named them Mommy and Mother. But I want to call you Daddy Two."

Spock knelt down on the child's level and gave a small smile. "I am quite honored, Mr. Marcus."

"You can call me David. Everybody else does."

"David, Mr. Spock and I want to go live in San Francisco. We're going to be teachers and teach people how to be in Starfleet. Do you want to come visit us sometime when we live there?" Jim began shyly.

"Will I have my own room?" David looked hopefully between the two.

"Oh yeah. Your own room and lots of toys and we'll get a place in a neighborhood with lots of kids for you to play with." Jim was getting excited just thinking about it. Spock stood uneasily.

The excitement was apparently contagious because David started hopping up and down. "And I can have a picture of you guys and tell everyone you're my daddies!"

"Jim..." Sabrina began warningly. "The hearing…."

Jim sobered some. "Look, your mom and I have to agree on when I get to see you. I'm going to ask to get to see you as often as I can. But even if the judge is a real meanie and doesn't let me see you again, you are always going to be the son of James T. Kirk. You can come to me and Spock about anything, okay? I love you, little man."

David's face morphed into an angry scowl. "That judge better let me see you! You're my daddy! Ma'am, can't you ask the judge to let me see my daddy, please?"

Sabrina looked into the upper corner of the room and raised her eyebrows. Spock followed her gaze and noticed a camera placed in the ceiling tile. Apparently they were being recorded. Then she looked back down and smiled at the child.

"I will do my very best. I'm your father's friend and I'm going to ask as nicely as I can if you and your dad can get together sometimes. But it might be a while at first, okay? Maybe every other holiday, okay? Do you understand why it might be that way?"

"Evan's daddy is divorced." David enunciated the word carefully. "He only sees his mommy on the weekends. Are you and Mommy divorced, Daddy?"

"Kinda. It's a long story," Jim replied.

There was a knock on the door and the guard stuck his head in. "Time, Ms. Elasier."

Sabrina nodded and knelt down in front of David. "Did you like meeting your daddy today, David?"

"Oh, yes ma'am!" David squealed.

"Would you like him to be your daddy forever?" was her next question.

"I _am_ his daddy forever," Jim growled, and Sabrina held up a finger.

"Correction: Do you want him to be in your life forever?"

"Yes ma'am." David was polite in his dealings with the lawyer.

"Then I want you to tell your mommy what would make you happy and she and her friend will talk to us and we'll all see if we can't have it be that way, okay?" Sabrina held out her hand and David shook it solemnly. "Thank you, David." She looked at the older men. "Gentlemen?"

Jim reached down and snuck one last hug. "Bye kiddo."

Spock raised his hand in the _ta'al_. "Goodbye, David."

"Bye guys! Wait'll my friends hear about this!" David exclaimed, and Jim laughed as the door shut.


	27. Breaking News

Jim smiled at his mate. "That's my boy," he crowed. Spock merely nodded. "He's a chip off the old block!" Jim gushed.

"I'm glad you came down. Both of you," Sabrina added. "Commander Spock, I see you noticed we were being observed."

Spock inclined his head. "It is a public building. There was no expectation of privacy."

"Oh, but this was more than just observation for observation's sake," she explained. "The judge was watching, and has that session recorded now. In a couple of minutes, Carol Marcus is going to enter that room and spend an hour speaking with her son about what just happened. Her every move, her every comment will be recorded."

Jim made a face. "That's kinda creepy."

They got on the elevator and Jim pressed the lobby button. Spock stood with his hands behind his back; he was usually less than comfortable in crowded public places. Sabrina pulled out her communicator and got ready to dial. When the elevator stopped the three got off and Sabrina charged forward –

– with good reason! There was a press mob sitting outside the security gates, waiting for Jim and Spock. Spock made a noise in his throat that usually indicated surprise, and not the good kind. Jim backpedaled for a second, and then pressed onward.

"Captain Kirk! Is it true you're in legal trouble?"

"Captain Kirk! Are you divorcing Commander Spock?"

"Captain Kirk!"

Jim's ears rang with the comments and he opened his mouth to make a snide comment just as the word _No_ came across the bond. He shut it again and held an arm out in front of him to clear a path to his aircar. He got in, waited for Spock, then locked the doors and began reversing without quite checking behind him.

"Jim!" Spock exclaimed as he narrowly missed a photographer. Jim threw the car into forward and took off. He barely skimmed past another reporter who had been dumb enough to enter the road to shout a question at the speeding vehicle. When they had cleared the center of town, Spock unclenched his hands from the seat front and slowly turned his head to face his mate.

"James. Tiberius. Kirk. Do you understand how many traffic citations you earned in that four-block excursion?" Spock was still uncomfortable but at least they were doing under eighty now.

Jim slowed a little more and put on the autopilot. "Bite me. You wanna go back and play patty-cake with the reporters?"

"I would prefer that you remember your actions impact more than solely yourself now." Spock stretched his hand cautiously.

"If me belching my A-B-C's to the Tellarite ambassador's four year old doesn't tell David what kind of man his father is, I highly doubt me going bowling for reporters is going to faze him." Jim entered a course correction and leaned back. "God I love modern technology."

"Jim, would you answer me seriously for once?" Spock was exasperated. _James._ The plea came across the bond.

Jim turned to look at his husband. "Babe, I'm sorry, I don't like reporters. You're not exactly a fan of them yourself. So I was a little rough. I didn't actually _hit_ anyone."

"No, but your reckless operation of this vehicle is now on the evening reports across this part of the galaxy." Spock sighed. "Jim, why do you insist that you are untouchable? Why can you simply not be a man who has his limitations? Would it have caused you irreparable harm to answer the reporters' questions?"

Jim sat forward and slowed the car manually, pulling to the side of the road. He shut it down and turned around fully in his seat to face the passenger side. "Okay, speaking of limitations, whose side are you on here, _Daddy Two?_ " The mention of David's nickname for the Vulcan struck Spock and a soft green crept into his cheeks. "You want to back up your husband, your bondmate, your commanding officer?"

A motion caught Spock's eye and he looked over his husband's shoulder at … a reporter. How she had found them was unfathomable. But she had, and was now trying to see in the window. Jim turned around slowly and let out a slew of curses.

"Jim, let me handle this." Spock reached for the door handle but his husband was faster. "Jim!" he called, struggling to get out.

Jim opened his door and stood up, all six feet one inch of him. He looked down at the much smaller woman, who wasn't in his face but wasn't running for the hills either. The two stared each other down for a moment.

"Couldn't resist the story of the millennium?" Jim asked coldly.

"Are you going to comment on any of the rumors that are flying about you, Captain Kirk?" She timidly thrust a mini-recorder toward him, almost more as a shield. Jim eyed her for a moment and then walked back and leaned against the aircar.

"How would _you_ like the exclusive scoop? A person-to-person interview with the great Captain Kirk?" Jim offered.

She beamed for a moment, and then pulled the microphone back to her mouth. "Elisabeth McNaura, standing here with Captain Kirk. We're on a deserted Iowa highway, nothing but farmland for miles. With us is Commander Spock. Captain, why were you at the courthouse today?" The recorder was pushed back to him.

"Well, I was visiting my son. That's all I can tell you about that particular part of the story." He folded his arms.

"But wait! Why the courthouse?" She blinked at him.

"It's not my place to say," he answered slowly.

She seemed to accept this answer. "What of the rumors that you and Commander Spock are separated?"

Jim grinned cockily at her. "Do we look separated?"

"Answer the question, please." She stood her ground.

Jim looked over at Spock. "Well, we celebrated three glorious years together at Christmas, and we're looking forward to the fun we'll have for number four this year."

"So you're not divorcing?"

Jim scoffed. "Nope. We've had some pretty knock-down, drag-out fights between the two of us, but the great thing about being best friends as well as lovers is you always come back home. I will never leave Spock. Just as I know he'll never leave me."

She stood on her tiptoes, which might have raised her to five feet even, and peered over the top of the car. "Commander Spock, do you have anything to say?"

Spock blinked at his mate, and then nodded. "I do." The reporter came around the car cautiously and held out the microphone to him. He cleared his throat. "I learned early in my career to trust certain people with vast amounts of leeway. I came to trust Captain Kirk with my life, in the line of duty and otherwise. Even when I am not certain what his plan is, I know it will succeed. Because he is Captain James T. Kirk." With that Spock got back in the car.

The reporter came back around. "Final thoughts, Captain Kirk?"

Jim smiled lopsidedly and shrugged. "For all you young reporters out there, keep your eyes peeled. You never know when you'll find James T. Kirk stopped on your way home." He tossed a salute at her and got back in the car.

When they were back on the road, Jim reached out with his right hand and sought his partner's hand. The warmer digits came across some cold, still ones and captured them.

"Hey." Jim squeezed the fingers lightly. "I love you, you big lug."

The fingers he was holding tightened fractionally around his. "I am aware of that. You know how much I treasure you."

The ride home was silent from that point on.

Sarek eyed the beasts of burden standing in the stables. He heard Winona come behind him and turned to face her.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" she began, touching a horse.

Sarek was noncommittal. "On Vulcan we did not keep animals to be used in service. However," he continued, seeing her embarrassment, "we did keep certain animals domesticated. Spock had a _sehlat_ whom he gave the name I-Chaya."

"What's a sellit?" Winona attempted.

"A _sehlat_ is an animal somewhat like your brown bear, with the disposition of your domesticated dog." Sarek reached up to shoo a fly off the horse's muzzle. " _Sehlats_ were prized for their loyalty. I-Chaya once bit a young boy who, for some reason or another, found reason to kick Spock."

Winona began to stroke another horse's forelock and spoke quietly. "Spock had a hard childhood, didn't he?"

Sarek cleared his throat. "Spock's childhood is somewhat of a mystery to me. I did not hear the tales Amanda did, nor did I attempt to integrate myself in my son's life. I was newly appointed as head ambassador to Earth and my duties kept me in the office much of the time." Sarek began to rub the horse's forelock like Winona was doing. "Spock struggled, and I was not there to ease his pain. It is somewhat of a point of contention between us to this day. I was not there as he grew, so I attempt to be there now."

Winona nodded thoughtfully. "I had the same issue with Jimmy. I spent so much of his childhood off-planet. I know he resented me for it. I thought since I had married Don that they'd at least have one parent home. Turned out Don and I were more different than I had realized. We split when Jimmy was 12, right after Sammy left."

Sarek turned to regard the woman. "Yet, Winona, your children flourish. Your eldest is a renowned research biologist and has a family of his own. Your youngest – well, your youngest is the esteemed Captain James T. Kirk. I do not think you should disparage your parenting skills that much."

"Same goes to you," she answered. "Spock is probably the finest young man outside of my sons I've ever met. He really looks up to you, you know. He speaks of you with the highest regard. It's amazing how even as grown-ups they want to make us proud."

Sarek colored a bit and looked away. "I have not made that easy for Spock." His sensitive ears heard a noise approaching. "I believe our sons have returned."

Jim pulled up in the barnyard and parked. He got out and shut the door, looking around. His breath made little white puffs in the air. "Mom?"

Winona walked out of the barn to meet him. "I'm right here, sugar. How did it go?"

He ran up and picked his mother up effortlessly, swinging her around. "Oh my God, Mom, I'm a father! And he's perfect and he likes me and oh my God Mom!" His speech dissolved into laughter and she swatted at him repeatedly.

"Put me down, James Tiberius, you're going to hurt yourself!" She giggled as he set her down gently and then looked her over.

"Well I can't do it to Spock so I've got to do it to someone!" He did a little dance. "He likes me, Mom!"

Winona took in the look on Spock's face and then looked over at Sarek and gasped. "Jimmy, we've got to get our guests in the house before they die of hypothermia. Come on, come on, I'll turn up the heat for you." They walked up the yard and up the stairs into the house. Winona, true to her word, bumped the heat up ten degrees. The fans kicked on and the house began to warm slowly.


	28. Fillin' In The Folks

"Okay, so tell us all about the little guy," Winona began, leading them all into the living room. Jim plopped down on the sofa and scooted over to make room for his husband.

"Well, he's absolutely adorable," Jim began. "He looks exactly like I did at that age. Except, his hair is a little curlier. He's super polite. He knew who we were without introduction. He even tried to display the _ta'al_ for Spock. I got to help him with that," Jim added.

"What does he think of you being his father?" Winona broke in.

"Oh, he thinks it's cool. In fact, I am his 'Daddy'. Spock is his 'Daddy Two'." Jim smiled over at his mate.

"David does not mind having two male parents?" Sarek asked softly.

Jim shook his head and got up to get out of his jacket. "Nope. He says there's a kid in his preschool who has two moms, so he's totally cool with it." He folded the jacket and sat back down. "He even understands the concept of divorce, so he understands that his mom and dad aren't going to be together."

Sarek looked down, and Winona picked up his mood clearly. "I know, it's not the best way to raise a child, but at least David understands. Did he have a problem with Spock?"

Jim grunted. "He didn't say. He didn't act like it. He knew already not to shake his hand and to show him the _ta'al_ instead. But I don't think the whole 'Vulcans aren't human' thing has sunk in with him yet."

"David seemed most at ease with us. There was nothing forced or uncomfortable. His natural innocence is still in play, so he has no preconceived notions of what should or should not be." Spock got up and took off his coat finally, and helped his father with his coat. He took them in to the foyer to hang them up. On his way back, Jim tossed him his coat. Spock frowned at him and Jim pleaded silently until Spock hung up his jacket as well.

The comm. station sounded and Winona got up to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Winona, you're a grandmother?" The elderly voice echoed and Jim looked to Spock in confusion.

"Yes, Marissa. I am. How did you hear?" Winona covered the microphone and said, "It's Marissa, the woman two farms down."

"Well there's a nice young woman who does celebrity reporting and she has a recording of your son saying _he_ has a son and that he went to visit him in the courthouse. And that nice young Vulcan man is with him. Isn't he the man your son married?"

Winona put on a fake smile and tried to get out of the conversation. "Yes, that's Mr. Spock."

"Well they're both such nice young men. Do you have a picture of your grandson?"

"Um, not on me at the moment, Marissa. Listen, now's not a really good time; can I call you back later?" Winona looked over to her sons.

"Certainly, dear. You take care now." The call ended and Winona sighed.

"And so it begins," she intoned, and Jim got up to walk over to her. "I guess I'll be getting calls from the community all night. Why didn't you tell me you spoke to a reporter?" Winona chided.

"I didn't think it through really. I just gave a soundbite and took off. The girl cornered us on the old Farmer's route three miles out. I didn't say anything embarrassing," Jim emphasized. "Spock, back me up here," Jim pleaded.

"Indeed, Jim did not say anything untoward. He simply mentioned he had visited his son in the courthouse, and that he and I were still married and not planning to divorce." Spock got up and put his hands behind his back. "Considering previous encounters the press has had with Captain Kirk, this one was relatively tame."

"Hey!" Jim objected. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Spock looked at the ceiling momentarily. "There was the incident on Risa where you threatened to put the local equivalent of a lawn dart through a man's skull should he publish the pictures he had obtained." Spock thought for a moment, and then continued. "There was the time you emptied a bowl of soup on a photographer's head and then put your sandwich down his pants and made him walk out of the restaurant that way."

Jim was waving his hands in objection. "No, no, no, see you're not telling the whole story here, babe. The guy on Risa had snuck in our hotel room and taken pictures of us undressing. I was pissed, naturally. And the asshole on Altair Six wouldn't let us eat in peace. For gods' sakes, he tried to bribe you into eating a piece of meat just to have a picture of it!" He fell silent for a moment, and then he pointed an accusatory finger at Spock. "This is what I mean by you never back me up. You're always so quick to remind me of my failures."

Spock opened his mouth to object, and his father chimed in. "Perhaps he holds you to a higher standard, James. He does not mean to criticize you. He merely intends to remind you of said incident. However, Spock, even the best of memories can be faulty at the personal level," Sarek informed his son. Spock jerked his head back in surprise and raised an eyebrow at his father.

"It's okay to remind him, just try to see his side when you do," Winona told her son-in-law.

Spock looked down at the ground briefly before bringing his eyes back to his husband. "I apologize for being overly critical of you, Jim. I will try to do better in the future."

Jim walked over and snatched a hand briefly to plant a Vulcan kiss on it. "You've always been that way with me, Spock. It just didn't hurt until we were together."

The comm. station went off and Winona grumbled something about Grand Central Station before answering it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Winona." The soft voice was instantly recognized by Jim and he froze. "I wanted to speak to Jim."

"Well, Carol, I don't think that's a good idea, speaking outside of lawyers." Winona looked at her son and shook her head in answer to his unspoken question.

"Then can we make a time to talk? It's important." Carol sighed. "I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing it for David."

Jim walked around to face the comm. station. "Carol, your lawyer knows my lawyer. Have them set up a time tomorrow, okay? I'll be there." He walked away quickly and went upstairs; Spock followed after him.

" _T'hy'la_?" Spock called. Jim wasn't in his room. He was in Sam's old room, playing with the computer. "What are you doing?" Spock asked quietly.

"Mmm. I needed to hear some music." Jim put the headphones on and pressed a button. Spock's ears could make out music playing. He strained to hear what song Jim was listening to.

_Jim? What has you so upset?_ A message through the bond could hardly be ignored.

_Can't talk. Music time. Try your call again later._ Jim was being flippant.

_May I listen too?_ Spock tried to move closer.

Jim unplugged the headphones and the music poured out. It wasn't the worst music Jim had ever subjected his husband to. Spock found he actually liked it.

"It's Linkin Park. Old, old group Sam used to listen to all the time. Sam has the most eclectic taste in music I've ever encountered. And that's saying something considering I know Chekov." Jim nodded his head in time to the beat.

"I have heard this song recorded by another artist," Spock commented. "This is 'Breaking the Habit'. It won awards multiple times, if I am not mistaken." Spock sat on the corner of the twin bed in the room. "Jim, something has upset you, and I wish to know what it is."

Jim sighed and moved the mouse with a flick of his wrist. The next song started. "That phrase is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. _'I'm doing it for David.'_ She knows that's all she'll have to say and I'll cave."

Spock breathed deeply and closed his eyes.

_Bet this wasn't what you pictured when you married me._ Jim's mental voice was low.

Spock's eyes shot open. "Jim. You are being unfair, to yourself and to me as well. What I _expected_ when I married you was to love you until I could no longer do so, either by death or by you leaving. Yes," Spock continued over Jim's protest, "I expected you to leave me. I did not expect such a gentle person to be my partner, nor did I expect to be loved the way you love me. I had no comprehension of unconditional love from an equal until I met you."

"But honestly. A kid? And a psychopathic woman attached? You deserve better than this." Jim put the headphones back on and plugged them in.

_We all have our price, James. Yours is no higher than mine._

Jim pulled the headphones off one ear and narrowed his eyes at his partner. "What's your price?"

Spock looked at Jim seriously. "You are my _t'hy'la_ , attached to me for eternity. You did not choose me freely; I was already bound to you. Even if you were to leave me today, you would be inexorably connected to my mind forevermore. That is my price, Jim."

Jim plucked the headphones off his head and dropped them mindlessly to the floor behind him. He stood and walked over and wrapped his arms around his mate, dropping his face against his neck.

"And I wouldn't have it any other way, Spock. I love you. I think I've always loved you, I just didn't know what love was until you chose me. I don't want to ever leave you. If you can accept Carol and David being a part of my life, I can accept mental bonds and _pon farr_ and everything in yours."

"I cherish thee, Jim. When you are unhappy it hurts me. When something threatens you it angers me. Do not begrudge me fighting your battles, for they are my battles as well." Spock pressed a kiss into Jim's hair.

There was a soft knock on the door, and Jim looked over Spock's shoulder at his mom.

"Hey boys. I'm going to run to the hotel with Sarek and get Spock's luggage. Will you still be here when we get back?" Winona looked bashful at having interrupted her sons.

"I was going to take a nap, actually." Jim stretched. "By the way – tell me if you ever want to get rid of this old hunk of junk," he said, pointing to the computer. "I want it."

"Jim, it's over twenty years old!" Winona exclaimed.

"It's got good music on it." Jim was firm. Then he turned to his husband. "When's the last time you meditated?"

Spock nodded. "I will do so while you sleep."

"Doesn't that bother you?" Winona asked Spock as Jim shut off the computer and hung up the headphones. The three walked back to Jim's room.

"I find meditating in close proximity to Jim to be relaxing, in its own way," Spock remarked.

"But he snores!" she stage-whispered.

"Guess which parent I got _that_ from," Jim called from the bedroom.

Spock gave a knowing look to his mother-in-law and she cracked up. "Guilty as charged, sweetie. You two have fun and we'll be back in a half an hour or so." Winona walked down the stairs.


	29. I'm Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The ending of this chapter has special feels for me. This chapter will forever hold a special place in my heart. Hope you enjoy as well.

Spock cleared a place on the floor and stepped out of his shoes. Setting them to one side, he folded himself down into a meditative pose and looked up at his mate. Jim was kicking off his shoes and climbing up on the bed. He gave a terrific yawn and curled up on top of the covers.

Spock closed his eyes and lowered himself into the first stage of meditation. Everything slowly faded out. He shut down the bond carefully and let himself drift in this early moment of the meditation. He examined the joy he had felt at the courthouse, seeing Jim and David together. He recalled the pain he had felt when his mate had accused him of never backing him up. He ended with remembering the love he felt for his husband, even at this moment. He let each of them go and slipped into the next stage of relaxation.

Jim felt the bond mute and cracked open an eye. Spock was at his most vulnerable now; he was tuned out of the world around him, and the bond that normally connected them was silent. Jim sat up and watched him critically. His breathing was so slow and steady you could almost imagine he wasn't going to take the next breath.

"Spock, I love you," Jim whispered. He started to lie down when the comm. station chimed loudly. Jim swore and jumped up to answer it.

"Hello?"

"What are you out of breath for? Are you okay?" The gruff Southern voice peppered him with questions.

"Bones. Dear God you scared me. No, I'm fine, Spock's just meditating and I didn't want to interrupt him. How are you, old man?" Jim sat down at the desk.

"Well, according to the news reports we're hearing, Captain Kirk has a mystery son. You get to see him yet?" McCoy was sitting at his desk on the ship.

Jim smiled at his friend. "Yeah. He's precious, Bones. I got a hug from him and I can just tell he's going to be as strong as his daddy. Well, as strong as Daddy. Not as strong as Daddy Two."

"Daddy Two?" McCoy choked. "Who named who ' _Daddy Two_ '?"

"David named Spock that. Don't ask me why, but isn't it the cutest thing you've ever heard?" Jim gushed about his young son.

"Oh, gag me. Congratulations, Jim, you've just found the first person who will have you wrapped around his little finger for the rest of your life. Great feeling, isn't it?" he whispered at the end.

"I'm thrilled, Bones. We've got to meet with the lawyers tomorrow for something or other. I don't know; Carol called the meeting. She says it's for David, but…." Jim trailed off uncertainly.

"Yeah, I know kiddo. You'll never know when she means it and when she's just jerking your chain. Welcome to the wild, wonderful world of ex's. I don't envy you in the slightest." McCoy shrugged. "But you were always there for me when Carolyn started in on me. When I get back on _terra_ _firma_ you can bet I'm going to be there for my little brother. Anything you need."

"I'll have to have you come visit. Hey, you're Uncle Bones! And you can teach him not to be afraid of doctors so he isn't a scaredy cat like his old man." Jim smiled. "And maybe he'll grow up and marry Joanna!"

McCoy sat up straight in his seat. "Ain't nobody marrying my little girl." He growled for a moment. "You better keep your testosterone-fueled miscreant away from my princess!"

Jim laughed softly. "Okay, okay, we'll find someone else for him to marry." He sighed. "Right now I just have to somehow teach him that just because Daddy thinks Mommy is the Wicked Witch of the East that doesn't mean he doesn't love him desperately."

McCoy looked into the screen. "Jimmy-boy, all you have to do is tell him about you and Spock. I've seen you two get into some of the most killer arguments the world has ever witnessed, but you still love each other. And if you love Spock that much, what wouldn't you do for your kid?"

Jim looked lovingly over to the side where his husband was sitting. "Yeah," he breathed.

"Anyway, so far the press I'm seeing looks good. Although, where did you learn to drive, boy?" McCoy exclaimed.

"Oh." Jim laughed. "I was a little pissy at the courthouse."

"No kidding! It's a good thing we had Sulu for a pilot, or we'd all be smashed to death on some planet's surface somewhere!" McCoy motioned to someone off-camera. "I've got to go, Jim. I'll call again later."

"Bye Bones." Jim cut the connection and smiled again. Then he walked quietly back to the bed and curled up again. He was almost asleep when he felt the bed dip down and a body wrap around his.

"I am here," came the soft, deep voice. "You said to meet you at our Christmas place. I am here," he repeated.

Jim snuggled his body back into the embracing arms. "Wanna see how loud we can get before the neighbors complain?" He wiggled suggestively.

"Jim, your nearest neighbors are five miles away."

"Then I guess we'll have to try extra hard…." Jim reached backward and started to undo Spock's pants one-handed.

Spock _hummed_ appreciatively and batted the hand away casually. "Our parents will be home soon."

Jim pouted. "Okay." He let go of the belt buckle reluctantly. "Will you just hold me?"

"Of course."

"And make that noise in your chest?"

Spock sighed. "Only for you, _ashayam_." He began humming deep in his chest.

Jim closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "I'm home," he whispered. "And it only took me fourteen years."

The two fell asleep in minutes. Winona came up and found them lying in each others' arms, Spock completely relaxed and Jim with a smile on his face. She pulled out an old comforter and draped it over them. Jim sighed in his sleep and Spock reflexively covered Jim up further. Winona tiptoed out of the room and shut the door.

"How are they?" Sarek asked her when she returned.

"Sound asleep," Winona told him. "I think the excitement of the day did them in."

Sarek shook his head. "You are talking about two of the most decorated members of Starfleet in this generation."

Winona hugged herself and smiled. "Not tonight. Tonight they're our little boys."


	30. Total Recall

Spock felt a slow heartbeat pressed up against him and decided to count the beats for a moment. After a minute he stopped. Fifty-six beats a minute. That was healthy for a human male Jim's age. He checked his own heart rate. Two hundred forty. Dr. McCoy would undoubtedly lament the fact that Spock didn't seem 'normal' but would mark down that he was healthy.

"I don't care what Bones says, I love you," was the mumbled response into the pillow. _Good morning, beautiful._

"Good morning to you too, _ashayam_." Spock stretched a little and then burrowed back under the covers. "Your mother turned down the heat last night."

"Well she couldn't cook us all," Jim commented. He stuck his arm out of the covers to test the temperature of the room, and found it was actually chilly. "I'll turn up the heat. Gimme a second to get up." Jim struggled valiantly to rid himself of the last of his sleepiness and slid out from under the cover. He spun around and tucked his husband back in. Padding softly in his sock feet, he went out in the hall to the ancient heat control and dialed it up to 72.

The house was quiet; his mother probably wasn't up yet. It was just before dawn. The sun was just beginning to peek over the low horizon. Jim stood in the doorway of his room, looking out the window at the world waking up. A sudden painful thought flashed through his mind, and he was back on the drill, not even noticing the hues of the planet below him in its death throes. A choked sob came out and in a moment Spock was by his side.

" _Ashayam,_ " he whispered. "What brought that memory?"

Jim shook his head. "I was just thinking I never got to see a sunrise on Vulcan." He took a trembling breath. "You've seen my planet but I didn't get to see yours. I saw Vulcan destroyed before my very eyes. I am so sorry, _t'hy'la_. It just blows my mind. My son will grow up in a world without Vulcan."

"Your son will grow up in a world with New Vulcan, and watch the Vulcan people rise out of this tragedy." Spock pulled Jim close. "Do not grieve so."

"If I had remembered sooner. If I had had the charges and destroyed the drill…." Jim's voice faded away into horrified silence.

Spock shook his head and kissed Jim's temple. "Jim, you bought us enough time to rescue the elders. My father is alive because of you, Jim. Please do not torture yourself this way." He took a chilled hand in his and squeezed it. Quoting Dr. McCoy, Spock remarked "Jim, you have to let go eventually." Spock sighed. "If I had not released myself I would have perished by now in the agony of not saving my mother. I know I did the best I could at the time."

Jim chuckled wetly. "That's saying something, for you to admit weakness in anything."

"Come back to bed, Jim. Come lie down with me." Spock led his husband back to the bed and tucked them in. The easy-going heartbeat was now pounding frantically and Spock reached under the sweatshirt and stroked the flesh and bone over the organ. "Relax, Jim. I am here. You are safe."

Jim hiccuped a little and then took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. It just hits me every now and again." He closed his eyes and tried to force himself to sleep again, but was too wound up. Spock reached up with two fingers and touched them to Jim's temple, whispering under his voice in Vuhlkansu. Jim's eyes opened fractionally and then slid closed all the way.

Spock moved his hand and pulled his arm back under the cover. He estimated Jim would wake in another hour. Spock edged off the bed and replaced the comforter quietly and went to Sam's room. Turning on the computer, he scrolled through the music selection and found what he was looking for. It was a song Jim had played the night before. Placing the headphones over his ears, he turned down the volume and played the song.

_When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed._

_Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest._

_Leave out all the rest._

_Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well._

_Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself_

_I can't be who you are._

_I can't be who you are._

Spock closed his eyes and played the song a second time, even though his flawless memory had the words perfectly. The pain that he felt listening to this song was amazing. It had haunted him since he heard it the previous night.

A hand touched his shoulder and he started, pulling the headphones off almost guiltily. Jim stood there, eyes still at half mast.

"You put me to sleep," he accused drowsily.

"You needed more rest. I would have returned momentarily." Spock started to shut the computer down and Jim stopped him.

"No. What were you listening to? You were all into it, whatever it was." Jim replayed the last song and unplugged the headphones.

_I dreamed I was missing; you were so scared_

_But no one would listen, cause no one else cared._

_After my dreaming I woke with this fear_

_What am I leaving when I'm done here?_

Jim looked at his husband carefully, watching his face for a reaction while simultaneously opening the bond as wide as he could. Finally the song ended and Spock turned off the speakers.

"Spock, this is how you feel?" Jim sat on the edge of Sam's bed.

Spock gave a small shrug and looked at the floor. "It speaks of things I have not told anyone before. I did not wish to be any less Vulcan than I already am."

"Hey." Jim reached out and took Spock's hand. "Babe, you're every bit a Vulcan, even if you do have these feelings. This is just something beings struggle with, all over the known galaxies. If you didn't have Vulcan philosophers then that was their loss. I feel like this sometimes too, Spock. It wasn't until recently that I realized a part of me is going to live on in David. And you're going to live on in David as well," he added. "You're going to help shape his life by being a part of his life, and mine."

Jim stood up and knelt down beside his mate. "I love you. I love you this much," Jim stated, and threw everything he could into the bond. Spock's eyes opened wide. "I love you that much and more. I don't want you to ever forget it. Now, what made you feel like this at…?" He trailed off and looked around the room. "Something like seven o' clock in the morning?"

"Seeing you remember what that … madman … did to my world. It just brought up uncomfortable realities that I had not heard expressed nearly as well until last night." Spock put the headphones up and stood up, pulling his mate up with him. "I am well now. Dr. McCoy once recommended that I allow these sensations to pass if possible, to allow them to exist. He seemed to believe they had some merit."

"I won't tell him he was right if you won't," Jim whispered. Then he shut down the computer and leaned in to speak in his partner's ear. "The upstairs bath can fit two grown men in it."

Spock hid a smile and looked at his husband. "Jim, we have been over this several times. Neither of us is likely to get clean in such a situation, and more than likely there would be injuries involved."

Jim started to pout when a thought struck him and his face morphed into a wicked grin. "That wasn't a 'no'."

"I believe I have been caught in my own web of deception," Spock lamented playfully. They went back to the bedroom where Spock found his luggage waiting and got ready to take a shower. Taking a shower together was more fun than Jim expected. Amazingly enough, no one was injured and both got clean. Getting dressed afterward proved more challenging. Finally they took turns dressing and cleaned up the bathroom.

They walked out and almost straight into Winona, who yelped in surprise.

"I didn't hear you get up," she protested. "I was coming to ask you if you want pancakes for breakfast."

"Yes please," they both answered


	31. Parent Hood

They got their shoes and walked downstairs. The kitchen smelled delicious and Jim got a plate out for Spock first.

"Okay, do you want shapes?" Winona asked seriously.

"You're asking the former captain of the flagship USS _Enterprise_ if he wants his pancakes in shapes?" Jim began.

"Okay, that's one Mickey Mouse," Winona answered.

"M-o-o-m," Jim whined. Spock shook his head. "Hey, if I get Mickey Mouse pancakes so do you," he threatened his amused mate.

"That makes two. Let's all have shapes!" Winona called. Jim put his face in his hand. Winona poured the batter and stood back. "Hey, mister, you'd better learn how to do these things. Five year olds are notorious for wanting designs on their food."

Jim looked up and smiled. "I know, you're right. I was thinking dinosaurs though. That's manly."

Winona checked the pancake and pulled it off the griddle. "Then enlighten me, young master. How does one make manly shapes with food?"

Jim got up and picked up the spoon, pouring a little batter on the griddle. "Like…this." He decorated the griddle carefully and then threw up his hands. "This one is Spock's."

Spock shook his head quickly. "That is not necessary, _ashayam._ " Winona handed Spock the first Mickey Mouse pancake and he picked up his fork. "I already have food," he pointed out quickly.

Jim narrowed his eyes. "You don't trust my cooking."

Spock's eyes opened a little more and then he hung his head slightly. "I cannot lie to you. Jim," he explained, "you made me something that was supposed to resemble a carrot cake for my birthday two years ago. The galley was nearly destroyed, and whatever it was you produced was not fit for consumption by living beings."

"Scotty wrote half the recipe in Gaelic," Jim protested. "And Keenser ate it!"

"Keenser was proud of the fact that he and Mr. Scott survived on protein supplements for six months before being rescued from Delta Vega." Spock tilted his head. "I do not think you should use that as your guideline as to the edibility of your culinary attempts."

Winona was doubled over in laughter. "Stop! Oh my goodness," she exclaimed.

Jim turned around and poked at the pancake. "I think it's done," Jim began. He lifted it off with a spatula and set it down on a plate. "There." He seemed proud.

Winona looked over and her eyes widened. "Wow, Jimmy. That's actually pretty good! It's T-Rex, right?"

Jim beamed. "Yep."

Spock got up and looked at the plate. "He does not have forearms or feet."

Jim scoffed at his mate. "Details. Kids don't care. They can tell. I'm a natural," he proclaimed.

Spock sat back down and finished eating his pancake. "Your mother made the batter," he pointed out between bites. Jim flipped him the bird. "Very mature," Spock remarked.

"I'll give you mature," Jim threatened. "At least take a bite, Spock, please?" Spock did so and chewed thoroughly before swallowing. "Well?" Jim asked.

"I have not ceased to breathe; in which case I believe it is edible." Spock nodded to his spouse.

"I'm such a misunderstood artist," Jim quipped. He ate the rest of his creation. The three were just finishing off the rest of the batter when the comm. station chimed.

Winona answered it. "Hello?"

There was silence for a moment, and then a whisper. "Say what?" Winona tried.

"May I please speak to my daddy?" The voice was stronger now. Jim jumped up.

"Kiddo, does your mommy know you're on the comm.?" Jim began.

David shrugged. "I'm sorry, Daddy."

"No, that's okay," Jim replied. "Are you okay?"

"I miss you and Daddy Two. I want to see you again. Please come get me." David's crystal blue eyes peered up at his father.

Jim sighed. "Kiddo, I can't just come get you. I have to have your mommy's permission."

There was a noise and Carol came in the picture. "Who on Earth are you – oh, hi Jim."

"Hi Carol. David called me. He wants me to come get him." Jim tried to stay calm and not blow up at his ex.

"That's fine with me. I'm at the Comfort Stop on the east side of town. Room 204. Just give me a half an hour to get him ready." Carol was beyond calm.

Jim's jaw dropped and he saw his husband stand from the table. "Uh, seriously?"

She scoffed. "Yes, seriously. I saw the tape of the three of you together. I'm pissed at you, but not enough to keep him away from you. So come on if you're coming." She walked away and David came back to the screen.

"Mommy said yes," he informed his father. "I havta brush my teeth so I gotta go now, okay?" David hung up before Jim could say anything else.

"Is this wise?" was Spock's first question. Jim shook his head, either in the negative or to avoid the question altogether.

"Jim, are you sure about this? What if it's a trap of some sort?" Winona pointed out.

Jim turned and looked at his mother seriously. "Carol is a grade-A bitch, but she wouldn't go this far. I'll have Spock with me, so if anything happens there'll be a witness. For gods' sakes, Mom, she's in the same freaking hotel as Sarek!" Jim threw his hands up. "Do you want to call him and have him in on it too? What are you expecting, Black Ops?"

Winona fell silent and Jim came up and wrapped an arm around her. "I'm sorry Mom. My boy wants me. He wants us _both_ ," Jim amended. "I can't just leave him hanging because I have issues with his mom."

"I will watch Jim," Spock told his mother-in-law. "We will bring David back here." He went over and got Jim's coat and put his on as well. They left quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just taking a friendly moment to thank all the people who have bookmarked Desert Christmas and All The Soft Places To Fall, even if they haven't reviewed. Your vote of confidence makes me feel good. Thank you! To all my reviewers - your words put big, goofy smiles on my face. Thank you to YOU too!


	32. Getting To Know You

Winona went quietly to the comm. station and called the hotel. He was reading the paper when he answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Sarek? It's Winona. The boys are on the way to your hotel. You'll never guess who's in room 204."

"You have located the mother and child?" Sarek answered, sitting straight up. "She is a floor below me. Do you wish me to wait for James and Spock outside?"

Winona nodded her head. "I don't trust that woman. Keep an eye on the boys, please."

Jim pulled up and parked. He got out and headed up the walk to the main entrance. Standing just inside was none other than the Ambassador to Earth from New Vulcan. Jim sighed and opened the door.

"Hello, Father, surprised to see you here."

"Do not lie, child, it is unbecoming." Sarek looked at his sons. "I will be with you when you visit the young child."

Jim opened his mouth to protest but Spock made a gesture with his hand that indicated acceptance. "We should go. I wish to be prompt." The three walked up the stairs to the second floor. Finding room 204 was easy; calming Jim's nerves took a little more time. Finally Jim knocked on the door.

"Daddy's here," a tiny voice called. Carol opened the door and stared at the unusual group outside her door.

"Well. Jim, you and I have met. Perhaps you'd like to introduce your companions?" she remarked snarkily.

Jim looked to his left. "This is my husband Spock, and this is my father-in-law Ambassador Sarek. Spock, Father, this is Carol. David's mother."

Spock nodded to the woman. Sarek did the same.

"Real friendly lot," Carol commented. David came back, struggling to put on his winter coat. "Let me help you, sweetie," she told her son. He held still and she quickly bundled him up. "Try not to get him wound up before you bring him back. I don't want him eating too much junk. This is my number if you need me." She handed Jim a slip of paper, which he tucked in his jeans pocket.

"Are you somebody really important?" came the voice of the youngster and Jim turned around to find David looking up at Sarek, who had gone still.

"I am an ambassador. I am not anyone of particular consequence however." Sarek looked down at the tiny boy.

"He says he isn't, but I say he's really important. He tells people on Earth all about the people on New Vulcan, the planet he's from." Jim ruffled his son's hair. "Carol, do you have a booster seat we can borrow?"

She handed him the keys to an aircar. "Maroon job parked in the lobby parking lot. License 82X5102."

Jim gaped at her and Spock leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I will remember." Then Spock took the keys from his husband's grasp and motioned to David. Jim blushed and turned back to his son.

"We're going to go visit your grandma Winona. Does that sound like fun?" Jim bent down to face his child.

"Did she pick up the comm. when I called you?" David asked his father. He nodded. "Oh. She's okay, I guess."

"And Ambassador Sarek is your grandfather." Jim grinned up at his father-in-law, who had decided to study the wallpaper very carefully. "He's a lot like your Daddy Two. You shouldn't touch them, but you can ask them all the questions you want and they'll tell you the answer."

"James," Sarek pleaded.

"Just don't ask questions like where babies come from," Jim demurred, and Sarek's eyes flashed indignantly.

"Why can't I touch you?" David asked Sarek, and Jim knelt down beside the boy.

"You know how you see things with your eyes, and you hear things with your ears?" he began. David nodded. "Well, Vulcans can feel things like whether you're happy or sad by touching you with their hands."

"Wow. So if I'm happy it'll make them happy, and if I'm sad it'll make them sad?" David guessed, and Jim smiled at his son.

"Sort of." Just then Spock came back with Carol's keys.

"The seat is installed."

"You sure you did it right?" Carol asked frostily.

Spock leveled his gaze at her and she shut up quickly. "Madam, I have installed equipment much more complicated, although not as important. I did it correctly."

Jim took David's hand in his. "We'll see you later, Mommy!" He was almost sarcastic.

"Have him back by six!" she called after the foursome.

David started running ahead and Jim had to hold him back. When they got to the car Jim checked the booster seat and lifted the young boy up into it. He buckled him in and got in. Sarek sat in back with David.

"Why are your ears pointed?" David started his round of questions.

Sarek looked over at the young boy and scrutinized him. "Why are yours round?"

David sat back and fingered his ears. Then he shot back. "Have you ever had a hug?"

Sarek nodded. "Spock's mother was fond of hugging me."

"Were you married to Spock's mommy?"

Jim tried hard not to swerve off the road. Of all the questions to ask a Vulcan. Of all the questions to ask his _father-in-law_. He peered in the rear view mirror. He caught amusement through the bond.

"Yes." Sarek shifted in his seat.

"Then why doesn't she hug you anymore?" Everything froze and Jim cleared his throat.

"Uh, why don't you ask the ambassador something else?" Jim tried.

"No, James, it is acceptable. Spock's mother is no longer living." Sarek glanced at the young charge beside him.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I'll hug you instead," and suddenly two tiny arms wrapped themselves around Sarek's bicep. "I'm happy so you should be happy too."

Sarek caught his son-in-law's eye in the mirror and gave him a very brief smile. "Yes, I believe this makes me 'happy'."

They pulled up to the farmhouse and David squealed. "Oh wow, you have horses! Can I ride the pretty horses please Daddy? Please?"

Jim got out and opened the back door, unbuckling his son. "Uh, why don't we do that another time when your Mommy is here? Come on, let's get you three inside." David ran forward, and then doubled back and grabbed his father's hand. "Slow down, slugger, we're right here," Jim exclaimed. They climbed the stairs and David halted suddenly at the front door. "Go on in," Jim told him.

David opened the door hesitantly and stepped in just far enough for the door to shut. Jim walked farther in and took off his coat.

"Hey Mom, you've got guests!" Jim called triumphantly. He listened to footsteps upstairs and pointed to the stairs. "You, little man, are about to meet _my_ mom, your grandma."

Winona walked down the stairs and froze. She came closer and knelt down in front of David, who backed up against his father's legs.

"Hello. You must be David. My name is Winona. I'm pleased to meet you." She held out her hand. David took it cautiously and shook it twice, then turned around and buried his face in his father's jeans legs.

"He's apparently a little shy at the moment. David, why don't we call your mother and let her know you got here alright?" Jim turned the little body around and gave him a gentle push toward the kitchen. They walked in and Jim fished out the number Carol had thrust at him.

"Hello?"

"Carol. I just wanted to let you know we got here okay." Jim picked David up and sat him on his hip. "I forgot to ask, is there anything he doesn't eat?"

Carol laughed. "I'll let that be your lesson in parenthood for tonight. Good luck with _that._ " She waved at the screen. "Have fun, baby!" David waved back at her and squirmed to get down. When Jim set him down he scrambled over to where Spock and Sarek were sitting.

"I want to make sure my new Pappa is happy again." David stood in front of Sarek and took his fingers in his hand. Then he squinted his eyes shut and gave a squeak of effort.

"What is he doing?" Sarek whispered to his son.

"Mentally communicating with you," Spock replied. "Jim used to do the same thing. It is quite remarkable. They believe the energy behind their efforts directly translates to their success."

Sarek let down his shields for a moment and was rewarded with giddy joy and affection. Carefully raising his shields again, he gave a small smile.

"That is a great deal of happiness for one human," Sarek remarked. David opened his eyes and beamed at him. "Thank you. I will treasure that for a long time." David ran off to the kitchen again and Sarek leaned back in his seat. "It has been a great deal of time since I dealt with the younger generations. I am pleased I do not frighten him."

"Be glad," Winona commented almost sadly. "The poor dear's terrified of me."

Spock sat up. "David, please come here."

"Yes, Daddy Two?"

"Your grandmother would like some happiness too." Spock looked over at Winona.

"How do I do that?" David asked.

Spock pretended to think about it. "Well, she has not received a hug yet."

David looked over at Winona and then ran up and threw his arms around her neck. "Sorry, Gramma. I was afraid you were going to spank me like my other Gramma."

Winona's eyes flashed cobalt and she snorted. "You haven't done anything wrong, and I don't spank good boys. You can ask your father about that."

"Mom, I was never a 'good boy'," Jim protested.

"Well still, you weren't abused." Winona looked back at David. "Sweetie, be honest. When your other grandmother spanks you, do you deserve it?"

David hung his head. "I broke her favorite lamp once because I stepped on the cord."

Winona looked around her living room. "There's nothing in here more important than you, David. If you break something by accident, I will forgive you."


	33. Flashback/Flash-Forward

David climbed up and sat in her lap. "What was Daddy like when he was my age?"

Winona looked at Spock and Sarek, and then lowered her voice. "Well, he was very active. He used to run around the barnyard all day pretending he was in a starship and he was fighting bad guys."

"He knew he was going to be Captain Kirk?" David asked slowly.

She smiled. "Somehow I think he did. He also used to help feed the horses, and we used to have milk cows here and he would help me hook them up to the milking machine."

"You made milk?" David gasped.

"We did," she replied seriously. "Now it's all regulated, of course, but back then you could make your own milk if you had the equipment." She rearranged him slightly and sat back. "What else? Well, you have an uncle, did you know that?"

"Really? Where is he?"

"He's on a planet called Deneva. He studies science. He lives there with his wife and little boy. Your cousin's name is Peter." Winona set him down and went over to the bookcase to pick up a photo album. She opened it and flipped through a page until she found what she was looking for, and then walked back to David. "This is your father when he was just a little older than you."

David stared at the picture hard. "We look alike." Spock stood up and walked over to look over David's shoulder. "Don't we look alike, Daddy Two?"

Spock sighed. "Indeed you do. Although I believe you will be taller than your father."

"Babe!" Jim chided from the kitchen.

David drew himself up straight and looked up at Spock. "How tall do you think I'll be?"

Spock knelt down and sized the boy up. "I would estimate perhaps six feet two or three inches."

"How tall is Daddy?"

"It depends on who is measuring him." Spock got a mischievous look in his eyes. "He insists he is six feet three inches tall, however Dr. McCoy has never put down anything but six feet one inch tall."

"Okay, _okay_ , enough Daddy bashing. Hey David, ask your Daddy Two how he feels about cats?"

David looked back at Spock. Spock closed his eyes briefly. "They are not social creatures, and to pretend they are is ridiculous and a waste of time."

David looked over at Winona. "What did he say, Gramma?"

"He doesn't like them." Winona looked over at her other son fondly. "Perhaps he likes another type of animal? Like a _sehlat_?"

Spock looked at his mother-in-law in surprise. "You know of _sehlats_?"

"Only what your father told me. What was yours named?"

"I-Chaya," Spock answered absently.

"Was he a dog?" David went over and sat in between Spock and Sarek.

"No. _Sehlats_ are … well … perhaps like a living teddy bear." Spock struggled to get the words out. "Except they have six-inch fangs and are quite loyal."

"Did he ever bite you?" David asked, kicking absently at the sofa.

"No." Spock was quick to answer. "I grew up with him. He protected me. It was in protecting me that he gave his life," Spock ended softly.

"He died?"

"Yes." Spock looked down.

David snuggled against him. "My gerbil died. I was really sad. Mommy said I could have another gerbil but I couldn't after Monster died. It would have been too weird."

"You named your gerbil 'Monster'?" Jim exclaimed. He laughed. "Hey, I named my hamster Rudolph."

David gave a terrific yawn and leaned even heavier on Spock. Spock looked over to his husband.

"I believe he is fatigued, Jim." Spock propped the boy up. "Do you wish to rest now, David?"

"I'm four and a half. I don't havta have naps anymore." But his proclamation was interrupted by another yawn. "I'm okay."

"Why don't you let me show you my room, and we'll lie down together for a bit and see how you feel after that, okay kiddo?" Jim approached the boy carefully and picked him up in his arms. David didn't even offer a token argument, just laid his head down on Jim's shoulder and put two fingers in his mouth.

Jim carried David up the stairs, Spock trailing behind. He lay the boy down in the center of the bed and pulled the comforter over him. Then he stood back. Sending a wordless plea through the bond, he looked at his husband. Spock walked over and stood behind him.

"Isn't he beautiful?" Jim whispered. Spock nodded. Jim kicked off his shoes. "I'm just going to stay with him until I know he's asleep. Weird place and all," he justified. He climbed up on the bed.

Spock sat down in the chair at the desk. When Jim looked over at him curiously he sent through the bond _Sleep now, ashayam. I will watch over you, my family_. He put himself on sentry and sat quietly. After ten minutes they were asleep. Spock felt a fierce loyalty sweep through him and he said it quietly to himself again. _My family._ It felt good to think of them this way.

When the tiny blond head raised up, Spock's internal clock told him it had been almost an hour since they had laid down. David sat up and looked at Spock.

"Daddy fell asleep." David was kind of amused at seeing his big, strong father curled up on the bed. "He drools."

"He also usually snores, but it seems we were spared that performance this afternoon." Spock walked over and picked David up, placing him gently on the floor.

"Daddy Two, I have to pee." David squirmed around a bit.

Spock took him to the hallway and pointed to the bathroom. David took off quickly and shut the door with more finesse than you would have expected from a kid his age. Spock stood in the hallway, looking back and forth between the bedroom and the bathroom. When David reemerged Spock stopped him in the hallway.

"Did you wash your hands?" Spock asked, and for a moment he heard his mother's voice in his mind.

"Yes, sir." David grabbed Spock's hand and showed him how cold his fingers were. "I'm not supposed to use the hot water without a grown-up with me."

"Very well. I will let you wake your father." Spock led him back in the bedroom.

David looked over at Spock. "Will you put me back on the bed?" Spock did so and David leaned over his father's face and kissed his cheek. "Wake up, Daddy."

Jim opened his eyes and for a moment was completely disoriented. Then he remembered where he was and realized who had just kissed him. He sat up.

"Hey munchkin. I feel better. Do you feel better?"

"Yeah!" David cheered.

Jim checked the chronometer and sighed. "Well, it's about time I feed you. Come on, let's go." He slid off the bed, watching his young son copy his motions. Then he snatched his shoes off the floor and gestured to the hall. "You know the way to the kitchen."

They walked down to the kitchen and David sat in a chair across from Spock. Jim tried to figure out what to feed the kid.

"What do you want for lunch, David?"

"Tuna fish." He looked at his father. "Please."

"Tuna fish?" Jim scratched his head. "Okay, that's gotta be genetic." He checked the cabinets and came up empty. Then he checked the replicator, and it had a tuna fish selection. He dialed it up and looked over at his husband. "What about you, Mr. Spock?"

"I am not hungry at this time."

"Bullshit." It was out of Jim's mouth before he could stop himself.

"Ooooh, Daddy said a bad word." David peered up at his father. "Mommy lets me smack her hand when she says bad words."

Jim stuck his hand out dutifully and David slapped it hard. "Ow!" Jim protested.

"You won't do it again if it hurts." David seemed confident of this fact.

"You may have to repeat this action several times," Spock told his stepson. Jim sent a very clear picture through the bond and Spock looked shocked. "David, smack your father's hand again."

David held up his hand and Jim lowered his slowly, glaring at his husband. "You know, there are ramifications for being a turncoat." The smack was delivered and Jim pulled the tuna fish out of the replicator. "Here, kiddo."

David sniffed at it. "This doesn't have the right pickles in it."

Jim paused. "Say what? What do you mean, the 'right' pickles?"

"I like the sour ones better." David picked something out of the tuna fish. "And I don't know what kind of mayonnaise they used. I prefer light mayonnaise."

Jim closed his eyes briefly. "Okay, can you just eat it this once?"

"I don't want tuna fish anymore," David finally admitted.

Jim gritted his teeth. "Okay, what do you want?" Jim put the tuna fish over on his side of the table.

"Bacon."

Jim's jaw dropped and he looked over at his husband briefly and back. "You want bacon in the middle of the afternoon? You know your Uncle Bones would say something about your cholesterol if you did that more than once."

"Peanut butter and banana sandwich."

Jim leaned against the counter. "Are you going to make up your mind anytime soon?"

"James!" scolded Spock.

"Who is Uncle Bones?" David had abandoned food for the moment in favor of figuring out this new mysterious relation.

"Bones is like a brother to me, so he's practically an uncle to you. He's a doctor, and he's really grouchy but we like him like that." Jim scrolled through the menu on the replicator. "How about chicken nuggets? Do you like chicken nuggets?"

"Okay," David conceded, and Jim was determined to get the food down the child's throat before he changed his mind again. The nuggets came out and Jim set them in front of David.

"What do you want on your nuggets?" Jim leaned over to open the refrigerator.

"Ranch dressing."

Jim twitched for a moment. "You eat ranch dressing on chicken nuggets?"

David nodded. Jim got out the ranch dressing and poured a little on the plate. The boy began eating quickly. Jim twitched again.

_Now you know how I feel when you eat meat products,_ Spock sent to him silently.

_Oh dear God, I am so sorry,_ Jim responded. _I'd go vegan to avoid purposely making you twitch._

"You do know the difference between a vegetarian and a vegan, correct Jim?" Spock spoke aloud involuntarily.

"Uh, yeah. One of them eats products produced by animals and the other one doesn't do anything animal whatsoever."

"I am a vegetarian, not a vegan," Spock pointed out.

"You don't eat meat?" David paused mid-bite. Jim frantically thought of how to get him to finish the nuggets.

"Your daddy eats meat. Daddy Two doesn't." Jim grabbed a nugget and bit into it. "Good chicken," he told his son, who proceeded to eat the rest of the nuggets.

"I think I won't eat meat anymore either. Is tuna fish meat Daddy Two?" David asked as he helped clear the table.

"Yes it is, and you'll miss tuna fish," Jim promised seriously.

"Why don't you eat meat, Daddy Two?" David walked over to Spock.

Spock for the most part went still. "It is a personal decision."

"Yeah, but why?" The child was nothing if not insistent. Spock thought about how to explain it without traumatizing the young boy. Finally he looked over at his husband in wordless plea.

Jim thought about it for a moment. Then he tapped his son's shoulder. "Do you have a religion, David?"

David nodded. "I'm Baptist."

Jim stared at him for a second in shock before continuing. "Well you know how there are things Baptists don't do because it's against their beliefs?"

"We don't cuss and we don't kill people." David was matter-of-fact. Jim started sweating slightly. How was he supposed to raise a Baptist son?

Jim refocused on the problem in front of him. "Well, it's against Daddy Two's religion to eat meat."

"Jim, it is more a philosophy than a religion," Spock protested.

"Same difference to a four year old."

"Four and a half," David objected.

"I stand corrected," Jim told him. "But anyway, that's why."

David went in the living room and then sat on the sofa. He called out to his father, "So you and Daddy Two are different religions?"

Jim felt a rock in his stomach. "Um, yeah, pretty much."

"Why didn't one of you change to be the other's religion? That way you would match." David was pretty shrewd for a tot.

Spock fielded this question. "I accept your father the way he is. I do not wish him to change for me. He chooses not to eat meat much of the time, but if he does it does not bother me. That is part of love, David. You accept each other for who you are."

Jim mentally applauded his husband. "Any more questions?"

David went silent for a moment. Then he looked up at the two men. "Why is Mommy mad that you're with Daddy Two?"

That question silenced both men. The ticking of the grandfather clock was the only sound in the room for a long time.

Finally David shrugged. "I know. I'm too young. Mommy won't tell me either."

Jim went and knelt in front of his son. "Someday I'll be able to tell you. Maybe someday it won't be that way anymore. But for now remember what I told you at the courthouse. Even if your mommy and I are mad at each other we love you the most, okay?" David nodded. "Now, why don't we go visit the horses? I bet that's where your grandma and grandpa are."


	34. Trouble's Afoot

The three walked down to the barn. David sniffed critically. "It smells weird out here."

Jim shrugged. "I just cleaned the stalls out; maybe it's still too soon?"

Spock looked farther ahead. "I believe your mother is in the process of repeating the chore." He pointed to the first stall, where Winona was busy shoveling.

"Hey Mom, take a breather," Jim called loudly. The swinging stopped and her blond head poked up over the stall.

"Hey, kiddos! Wonderful day on the farm!" She took off her glove and wiped at her forehead. "Where did your father get to, Spock?" She peered around.

"I am here, Winona," came the stately voice. Sarek walked out of another stall. "I was in the process of polishing your saddle."

If Spock hadn't been Vulcan, even half-Vulcan, his jaw would have been on the floor. He stared at his father, blinking only when his eyes became dry.

David looked up at the younger Vulcan. "Daddy Two, why are you all freaked out? Was they not supposed to be here?"

"Were," Spock corrected absently. "I am merely surprised to see my father at ease around so much …."

"Horse poop?" David finished bravely.

"Indeed," Spock remarked.

"There were farms on Vulcan," Sarek told his son. "I never had the occasion to take you to one, but they did exist. Although not as fragrantly."

"They didn't stink as bad," Jim whispered to David.

David walked up to his grandfather. "Were you on Vulcan when the bad guy came and made it disappear?"

Sarek looked down at the boy and put down his polishing cloth. "Yes, David, I was on Vulcan when the bad man came. Your second father rescued us."

"Are you sad that it's gone?" David asked innocently.

Sarek looked at his son. "I believe every Vulcan is grieved that the planet is no more."

David ran up and threw his arms around Sarek's legs. "Don't be sad anymore, Pappa. My daddies caught the bad guy and now you're safe."

Jim walked up and pulled his son back. "Easy on the hugs, kiddo. Remember, he's a Vulcan; they don't touch that much."

"But I wanted him to be happy!" David protested.

"I did not mind, James. He is young; his emotions are pure and unbridled. It is a refreshing change from some of the beings I encounter in my travels." Sarek picked up the cloth again and began polishing the saddle in front of him.

"Have you ever met an alien?" David asked, standing close.

"We all have," Winona told her grandson. "Of course, it depends on your definition of 'alien'. Your Daddy Two is an alien to people on Earth."

"Similarly, you are an alien to us," Spock told the young boy.

"I'm an alien?" David scratched his head. "That's weird."

"Okay, let's get these people in the nice warm house and away from the horse manure. Thank you for your help, Ambassador. That saddle could win trophies of its own now!" Winona shepherded the group back to the main house. They left their shoes outside and walked in. Winona turned up the heat an extra ten degrees again.

She was getting ready to say something else when the comm. station rang. She shrugged and walked over to it.

"Hello?"

"Winona, it's Carol. I need to speak to Jim, please. It's urgent." Carol sounded rather frantic. Jim hurried over to the station.

"What's wrong, Carol?"

"Oh, Jim, I need you to bring back David. Something's come up." She seemed very upset about something.

"Are you okay? Is something wrong?" Jim looked over at his family. David was standing very still in the foyer.

"Just bring him back, please. And can you come alone? I'd really like to talk to you privately." If _that_ wasn't an odd request. Jim nodded on instinct.

"Yeah, I'll be there in fifteen." He hung up and found his path to the door blocked by two Vulcans.

"Jim, why must you come alone? Do you not think this request unusual?" Spock was concerned.

"James, this request is _most_ unusual. I believe you should reconsider your decision." Sarek backed his son up.

Jim eyed the two and then walked around them to go get his shoes. He ruffled his son's hair. "Come on, slugger, we've got to get you back to Mommy."

"Is Mommy mad again?" David asked in a small voice.

"What? No. She's just worried about something, I think. You're fine, kiddo. We can do this again another time. I'll be here for quite a while." Jim led his son outside and they put on their shoes. Then they walked out to the car. Spock came out on the porch as far as he could in sock feet.

"Jim, please be careful." Spock was not happy about being left behind. In his years of experience, when Captain Kirk left him behind, the captain was nearly almost drastically wounded somehow. Being on Earth didn't lower those odds nearly enough.

When Jim drove off, Spock turned around and found his mother-in-law standing behind him, holding out a set of keys.

"I'm presuming you know how to drive and that you can operate a GPS. No, no, don't just stare at me, go follow him!" She thrust the keys in his hand and walked back inside. Spock put on his shoes and hurried to the truck. He was approximately five minutes behind Jim; perhaps he could remain undetected. Spock put the truck in gear and took off.

Jim pulled into the hotel and parked near Carol's car. He unbuckled his son and then removed the car seat. Not knowing how to reinstall it, he decided to carry it up to her in person. The two climbed the stairs to the second floor and knocked on 204.

"Jim, come in, please," Carol told him when she answered the door. She peered in the hall. "Did you come alone?"

Jim's sixth sense was vibrating with tension. He decided to tone down the bond a bit. "Yeah, it's just me and the kid. What's wrong, Carol?" He handed her the car seat.

Carol dropped the apparatus, threw her arms around Jim and hugged him. "Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry. I didn't know. How could I have known? Are you okay? Do you need my help?"

Jim held up his hands in confusion. "Do I need help for what?" He extracted himself and lowered his voice. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

Carol took his hand and held it to her chest. "My lawyer just called me with the news. How long has he been doing it? Since you were married? Before? It's okay to be afraid, Jim. He's a Vulcan, they're very powerful."

Jim's brain was scrambling to keep up with her confusing statements. "How long has he been doing what? Afraid of him? I'm not afraid of him, Carol, what are you going on about?"

Carol kissed his hand tenderly. "My lawyer has a witness on your ship who knows about Commander Spock beating you. It's okay, Jim. You don't have to lie about it anymore, and you don't have to stay with him. I'll help you get a divorce."

Jim physically backed away from his ex. "Carol, I don't know what your lawyer _thinks_ he's found, but he's wrong. Spock has never laid a hand on me that wasn't caring and kind." _Except during the Narada incident_ , his mind supplied, but he kept his mouth shut about that fiasco.

"Oh, but we have two witnesses. They'll testify under oath that you were taken from your quarters to Sickbay by your doctor and they _heard_ Commander Spock say he hurt you. Jim, you're smarter than this. You don't have to be abused. Love shouldn't hurt," Carol told him firmly.

Jim's mind was furiously trying to figure out what she was going on about. Suddenly Spock's _pon farr_ came to mind and he remembered McCoy leading him carefully back to Sickbay, Spock trailing behind. _H_ _ad_ Spock said he had hurt Jim? And who were these witnesses? Bones wouldn't have said a word to anyone about it. Jim was certain of that fact. Nurses, maybe? He couldn't remember who had been in Sickbay when he was brought down.

Carol mistook his silence for an admission. "Oh, Jimmy, you poor thing. You must love him so much to let him treat you like this. I know I wasn't the greatest girlfriend, but I would never have hurt you. You've just got to leave him." Then she became cold in an instant. "If you want to see your son again you'll leave him."

Her words snapped Jim out of his musings. "Wait, say what?"

She shook her head. "I can't allow my son to be a witness to domestic violence. Jim, I was against you being married to him to begin with, now I'm positively mortified! He beats you, Jimmy. If you won't stick up for yourself how are you supposed to stick up for your son?"

Jim waved his hands frantically in front of himself. "No, no, no, Spock doesn't beat me. He's never hit me. I got hurt and had to go to Sickbay and Spock probably took the blame on himself, but he didn't do anything, I swear to you! Do you honestly think I'd be some beaten wife or something? If he ever hit me I'd clock him back!"

"Jimmy!" Carol scolded, pointing at David.

"…which would totally be wrong, because hitting people is wrong." Jim slid that line out and then had a brainstorm. "Hey David!"

"Yes Daddy?"

"Did you see Daddy Two hit me?" Jim crossed his fingers.

"No. Daddy Two doesn't hit people. He's a Vulcan." David seemed sure of this fact.

"See?" Jim crowed. Carol was not impressed. "I swear to God he's never hit me."

"Everyone says Vulcans aren't violent, but they're obviously wrong. Now, you have a choice. You can get help and leave the bastard or you can say goodbye to David now." Carol stood firm.

"Carol, I won't leave him when he's done nothing wrong. And I _will_ get shared custody of David. Now I'm going to leave and let you think about that. We were doing fine before this, Carol. Think about your son before you do this."

"I _am_ thinking of my son," she shot back, leading him to the door. "If you ever change your mind…."

"If I ever change my mind, I'll tell you." Jim stepped out into the hallway. "Bye David," he called.

"Bye Daddy," the boy replied. The door shut in Jim's face.


	35. Strike Back

Jim walked back down the stairs quietly. He was so absorbed in what to do about Carol's new ammunition he didn't notice the man sitting in the lobby. The man stood quickly as Jim approached.

"Jim?" Spock was concerned; the bond was still muted.

Jim seemed to just notice Spock. Then tears formed in his eyes and Spock hurried him out of the building. When they were in the parking lot Spock stopped Jim and turned him to face him.

" _T'hy'la_ ," Spock breathed. "What is wrong?"

"She knows," Jim forced out. "She knows about your _pon farr_ and now she thinks you're beating me and she won't let me see David unless I leave you."

Spock froze, assimilating his mate's words for a moment. "How does she know about that? Did you tell her?"

"Hell no I didn't tell her!" Jim exploded. He brooded for a moment. "Her lawyer's got witnesses on the ship who heard you say you hurt me and they saw me in Sickbay." Jim kicked at the ground. After a long silence he looked up again. "Spock?"

Spock shook his head. "I was afraid that incident would haunt us. This is my fault, Jim. What do you wish to do?" Spock waited for instruction.

Jim stared at his husband for a long time, and then threw his arms around him and kissed him on the mouth.

"Jim?" Spock was confused.

"I swore I'd never leave you again, and I meant it. We're going to beat this, but we're going to do it together." Jim stood back and looked around. "How did you get here?"

Spock had the grace to look bashful. "I drove your mother's truck."

Jim laughed. "You don't know how to drive!"

Spock drew himself up proudly. "I have done so four times previously. This makes my fifth excursion and I have yet to have an accident."

Again Jim laughed, and then he hugged himself. "Okay, I think I'm alright now. I needed to laugh, thank you. Now, we need to go home and talk to your dad and call the lawyer. Hope she doesn't mind earning her pay on a Sunday." He walked over to the car. "Meet you at home."

When they arrived back at the house, Jim walked in the house and waited for Spock to come up the stairs. Then in a loud voice he called "FAMILY MEETING!" Spock stared at him and Sarek walked out to do the same, but Winona put down her book and walked in the living room. She motioned for Sarek and Spock to follow her lead. They sat down.

Jim centered himself in the group. "Okay, Carol's got new ammunition on her, and unfortunately there's an inkling of truth to it. We need to figure out how we're going to fight this, and strike back quickly. We're back to square one on this: Either I leave Spock or I don't see David again. But this time she may have the law on her side."

"Question," Winona raised her hand, and Jim nodded to her. "What does she have that has an 'inkling of truth'?"

Jim held a silent conversation with his spouse. When they were finished he began again. "Well, Carol's lawyer has found two people on my ship who were witness to Spock hurting me."

"Jim, if they're talking about what happened before you took command, almost everyone's heard _that_ story," Winona protested.

"No," Jim assured her. "We're not talking back five years ago. We're talking last week."

Winona wrinkled her brow but the timeline made perfect sense to Sarek, who went pale. "She intends to use that against you?" he asked.

"Use what?" Winona was confused. "Spock hurt you? Hurt you how?" She was becoming angry.

Jim sighed. "Mom, there's something I have to tell you about Vulcans that can't leave this room, alright? I'm serious. It's deathly personal and it's not something discussed." She nodded slowly. "There's something called _pon farr_ , which is a mating drive Vulcans have. It happens every seven years and it's very intense." He stopped to let that sink in.

"Spock went into _pon farr_ and with Vulcan being destroyed it was a little worse than we expected. Nothing happened against my will, but I got kinda roughed up." Jim blushed.

"Is the doctor testifying on Carol's behalf?" Sarek demanded.

"No!" Jim shook his head. Then he paused. "At least I hope not. When I left the ship he and Spock were on speaking terms again. I can't imagine Bones doing that. I think it's someone else."

Spock's eidetic memory kicked in and he swallowed. "Jim, I believe I know who her witnesses are."

Jim made a motion with his hand. "Well?"

"Lieutenants Benivan and Delarkan were our sentries during the incident in question." Spock looked at the floor. "They were beside me when you were being examined by Dr. McCoy. I did not think to question their presence until now. However, they would have been party to my admission and the evidence of your supposed abuse."

Jim struggled to remember. "I know we were being guarded, but I didn't remember them being there that night. I didn't really remember you saying you hurt me either until Carol brought it up."

Spock's eyes turned cold. "I had offered to leave you and you refused. I told you I had hurt you and that fact was inexcusable. You insisted I had done nothing wrong. You requested the guards be dismissed by Dr. McCoy and then we returned to our quarters. We slept apart that night. The next morning Ms. Marcus called."

"And all hell broke loose," Jim finished, understanding. "But how did these security ensigns get a hold of Carol's lawyer?"

"Perhaps we should make a call to someone who can answer that question," Spock suggested. He looked at the clock. "It is fifteen sixteen on a Sunday on the ship. Nyota may be in her quarters." He looked to Winona. "May I use your comm. station?"

She nodded mutely. Then she looked to the side. Jim came and knelt in front of her.

"Mom, are you okay?"

Winona looked up at her son and blushed. "I just feel so foolish. For a moment I actually thought Spock had hurt you on purpose."

"Spock would never hurt me on purpose. That's what makes this claim all that much worse. We can't prove he didn't hurt me without telling the whole story, and I think you can understand why we'd prefer that part of our lives remain quiet." Jim touched her knee. "I'll tell you the same thing I told Carol: If Spock ever hit me in malice, I'd knock him right back. I can take care of myself."

"If that boy ever hits you, he'll have me to answer to!" Winona declared hotly.

Spock had gotten through the channels. "Hello, Nyota."

"Spock! How are you? It's great to see you again. We miss you like crazy. Both of you," Uhura amended. "What can I do for you?"

"I do not know how to approach this. I will do my best. Has anyone approached the crew asking personal questions about myself and the captain?" Spock was clear with her.

"Personal questions?" Uhura thought for a moment. "Well, actually, there was a post on the boards a couple of days ago asking if we'd ever seen you get violent with each other. It disappeared pretty quickly." She shrugged. "I didn't give it a second thought."

"Can you check to see if any more messages have been posted of that nature?" Spock asked her.

She cut the visual and began typing. Finally the keystrokes slowed and he heard her _hum_.

"That's weird. Now there's one asking who approves of your marriage to Jim." She began typing rapidly again. "It's from an outside source. I can't trace it on this computer." She rekeyed the visual. "Is there something I need to know? Is this that woman Jim told me about?"

"I cannot give you a definitive answer," Spock told her. "However, we need to circulate a request of our own."

"Name it, sugar." Uhura was serious.

Jim walked up behind Spock. "Uhura, can you find us character witnesses? Carol's trying to prove Spock's beating me."

Uhura blinked at the screen. "You're serious. She's trying to prove a Vulcan beats his spouse? What, is she on crack or something?"

"Nyota, I will tell you the same thing I told the Lady Kirk. I am half-Vulcan. The possibility of violence exists with me." Spock frowned.

"Well I'll testify that you never hurt me when we were dating, and you and I were together two years. I don't know how else to prove you don't do it. I'll get as many of the crew as I can to give a sworn deposition that neither of you is violent with the other." Uhura narrowed her eyes. "She'll probably try to prove Jim beats _you_ next."

Spock nodded. "Thank you for your assistance, Nyota."

"Give our regards to the crew," Jim mentioned hopefully.

"I will. You two take care." She raised her hand in the _ta'al_. "Peace and long life, Commander."

Spock repeated her gesture. "Live long and prosper, Lieutenant."


	36. Gathering Ammunition

When the system was shut down Spock walked back out and looked at his father. He realized the older man was still somewhat uncomfortable and sought to reassure him.

"Father, we will do all we can to clear this situation, without divulging personal information."

"That is not what troubles me, child. I take your word on that issue." Sarek looked at the opposite wall. "I am remembering your mother."

Spock sank down on the sofa next to him. "Are you able to share?"

Sarek closed his eyes briefly. "One of Amanda's relations became convinced I was harming her. Short of traveling back to Earth and testifying, there was no way to disprove her concern." He looked at the floor. "The other Vulcans knew this was rubbish; however many other ambassadors I worked closely with regarded me differently from that point on."

"I am concerned about your career in Starfleet," Sarek continued. "A claim of spousal abuse can be irreparably damning. You have both earned your positions through years of hard work. To see it undone by an overzealous spurned lover would be unfortunate."

"I won't let it come to that," Jim swore. Then he turned on the comm. system again.

"Who are you calling, _ashayam_?" Spock asked from the living room.

"The real witness in all this," Jim answered cryptically. The station rang for three minutes.

"Who the hell is calling me on a Sunday?" the angry voice ranted.

"Bones, it's your favorite patient." Jim smiled at the screen.

McCoy sat down at the desk. "Jim-boy. How goes all things Terran? How's the half-pint?"

Jim shook his head. "I don't know how to tell you this, but Spock and I are in a bit of trouble and we need your help."

McCoy narrowed his eyes. "You're in trouble? What can I do from this distance?"

Jim sighed. "Do you remember what just happened with me and Spock? The thing that pissed you off so bad?"

McCoy sat forward. "He's not doing it again is he?!"

"No. No no no. No, someone on the ship is testifying that Spock beats me. They were in Sickbay when Spock admitted to hurting me." Jim's eyes pleaded with his best friend.

"You're shitting me!" McCoy leaned back again. Then the implication hit home. "You don't think it's me, do you? I told the hobgoblin I understood and believed him. I would never accuse Spock of abuse."

Jim shrugged. "I need you to testify to that, and I need you to find some medical reason to explain why I was in Sickbay." Then he thought about it. "What _do_ the official records show?"

McCoy cleared his throat. "Same thing they did last time something embarrassing happened. Strained muscle from over-exertion."

"But that doesn't sound like something Spock would be apologizing for," Jim protested.

"You may have to cop to the sex part, Jim," McCoy told him seriously. "You don't have to go into detail. Just say you strained a muscle in the act and that's why Spock said he hurt you." McCoy ticked the reasons off on his fingers. "You won't be lying, Spock won't be lying, and it jives with the medical records if anyone subpoenas them."

Jim nodded slowly. "You do believe me that Spock would never hurt me, right?"

McCoy looked at the camera. "Jim, the elf was ready to leave you because of whatever the hell voodoo he went through. If I had told him to do it he would have. He's pretty serious when it comes to your safety. I mean as your First Officer _and_ as your husband . He'd rather cut off his arm than see you come to harm. I _will_ testify to that."

"Thanks, Bones. We'll get this straightened out somehow. We owe you."

McCoy scoffed. "You can't count how many times you owe me. I'll talk to you later, Junior. Say hey to the bunny rabbit for me."

Jim cut the connection and looked up. His father-in-law was staring at him from across the room.

"Bunny rabbit?" Sarek repeated slowly.

Jim shrugged and motioned to the sides of his head. "It's the ears. It's Bones, don't take him seriously."

"He also refers to me as a space elf, or alternately just elf. And hobgoblin. And fairy, although I have reason to believe that has something to do with the sex of my spouse." Spock rattled off McCoy's favorite insults.

"Nah, he calls you a fairy because fairies have pointed ears too," Jim told his husband. "He's weird about the ears, but he'd never stoop to making fun of your orientation. He's a little more refined than that."

"This is your witness?" Sarek exclaimed. "I would hardly consider him appropriate."

"He's the chief medical officer," Jim told his father-in-law. "Of all the people on the ship, Bones would have known if Spock was hurting me."

"He is also Jim's closest friend, and has been since the Academy," Spock added. "He would hold a personal interest in protecting Jim from harm."

"I will have to accept your wisdom in this matter," Sarek told his sons. "It has been quite some time since I observed any fraternal activities between humans. Perhaps this is acceptable and I am just out of step."

Jim walked back to the comm. "I guess we'd better call Sabrina."

The call connected rather quickly. "Sabrina Elasier."

"Sabrina, it's Jim Kirk."

Sabrina perked up. "Hey. What can I do for you?"

Jim's face fell. "I have some unfortunate news for you." He told her about Carol's lawyer's new evidence and how Carol was reacting. He stated for the record, rather vehemently, that Spock had never harmed him. Then he mentioned asking the crew to back them up.

"How many of them do you think you'd get?" she asked, grabbing a padd.

"I dunno. A lot. Spock and I were pretty popular. We think we know who the two witnesses are and I understand why they think they saw what they did but they're wrong." Jim leaned against the counter.

"Okay. I'll be in contact with the legal department on your ship to set up the depositions. Until then, I'd like to ask you not to speak to anyone about the charges, okay?" Sabrina tapped away on her padd.

Jim tilted his head. "I spoke to Bones—I mean, Dr. McCoy—and Spock spoke to Lieutenant Uhura. That's it. And of course our family knows."

Sabrina shook her finger. "Okay, but that's it. No more. No press, no lawyers, nothing. If someone wants a statement say 'No comment'. If people want to talk legal stuff, send them to me. For heaven's sake, Captain Kirk, let me earn my paycheck."

Jim sighed loudly. "Okay. Whatever. We'll be around the farm if you need us. Bye." He disconnected the call. Spock walked over to him. "What are we going to do now, Spock? People think you hurt me, and I can't even go out there and tell them you didn't!"

Spock put his hands behind his back. "Those who know us will know the truth. Those who do not know us do not matter."


	37. Dragging It Out

The comm. station chimed and Jim answered it. "Yeah?"

"Oh, Jimmy, what on Earth is going on over there?" It was Marissa. "There are news reports saying that nice young Vulcan you married is hurting you! Are you alright son? Is your mother there?"

Jim facepalmed and walked away from the comm. "Mom, it's for you. It's Marissa."

Winona hurried to the station. "Marissa, what can we do for you?"

"Is it true? Did that Vulcan hurt Jimmy?" Marissa was worried.

"No!" Winona shook her head emphatically. "No, Spock would never hurt Jim. Somebody has made a mistake and someone else is trying to capitalize on it. No, Spock would never hurt Jim."

"Oh, thank goodness. I was so worried. You never can tell anymore. It just sounded so realistic, the description of him throwing Jimmy around the bridge of the ship and trying to choke him to death…." Marissa shook her head. "I guess people have more imagination than good sense sometimes. Thank you, Winona. I'll talk to you later."

Winona ended the call and looked at her sons. "That wasn't this latest incident; that was what happened five years ago. You two can't erase that out of your lives. It's become a story people tell, whether they support you as a couple or not. I've heard Admiral Pike tell that story. What do you plan to do about _that_?"

Jim kicked a chair out and sat down hard. "Mom, what am I supposed to say? I was a complete and utter prick to Spock and he retaliated. He was completely within his rights. I've told him before; if he had told me I didn't love you I would have kicked his ass too."

Spock walked up and put a gentle hand on Jim's shoulder. "I am not proud of my actions on that day. However, it was entirely necessary. Earth would have surely perished had I remained in command. I was so determined to follow my last orders that I was unwilling to see other possibilities."

"You were in shock, babe," Jim pointed out softly. "Your whole world had just been destroyed; your mother died before your very eyes. We're lucky you were standing." He captured the hand on his shoulder and kissed the knuckles.

The comm. station went off and Jim dropped his head. "God, somebody get that. I don't want to explain myself again tonight."

Spock walked over to the station. "Kirk residence."

"Commander Spock. It's Sabrina. I guess you've heard that Carol held a press conference. I'm going to fire back, but I need you to know what I'm planning so I won't shock you."

Spock blinked at the screen. "Very well. What are your plans?"

"I'm going to get Starfleet to release the tape of the old incident Carol is bringing up."

Jim rose to his feet. "How is that supposed to help?" he protested.

"To show we have nothing to hide," Sabrina countered. "Let her bring up that debacle. That was a year and a half before you married and if I'm not mistaken it was the last incident of its kind. The two of you set _records_ as a command team. She can't hold up one occasion and paint your entire relationship by it."

"Would it not be prudent to offer some evidence of our own at this time?" Spock asked the attorney.

"Leave that to me, gentlemen. I have a couple of aces up my sleeve still. I'll be in touch. Ciao." She ended the call abruptly.

Spock turned around and opened his mouth and the station alerted them to yet another incoming call. Spock answered it again.

"Spock, what the hell is going on out there?"

Jim ran to the station. "Chris! Thank God. I have a psycho ex who's claiming Spock's some sort of monster or something."

Admiral Pike was apparently at home; he was dressed in sweats and drinking something hot from a coffee cup. Knowing Pike, Jim would have bet it was apple cider.

"I saw the report where she's claiming he beats you, but I don't get how she's taking what happened at the beginning of your working relationship and getting spousal abuse out of it. What is this other incident she claims she has witnesses for?" Pike sipped at his drink.

Jim opened his mouth and Spock shook his head and stepped into the picture again. "Admiral, perhaps we should not be talking to you. You may be called as a witness in this."

Pike's forehead furrowed. "A witness? Well sure, but I can tell you one thing, I've never known Spock to be violent with you. With _anyone_ to be honest." He sat back in his seat. "Spock is the gentlest man I know. Not that you haven't given him reason to smack you around a bit, but he hasn't risen to the challenge."

"Tell our lawyer that. Well, except for the part about him needing to smack me around. You can leave that out," Jim joked.

"Now I haven't gotten to talk to you since you left the ship. Can an old man say congratulations on your newly acquired fatherhood?" Pike smiled.

Jim grinned. "It's cool. When his mother isn't jerking him around like a yo-yo we get along rather well. He thinks having Captain Kirk as a father is awesome, and he's named Spock 'Daddy Two'. He's a pretty well-adjusted kid. His eating habits could give me premature gray hair though."

"Have Spock tell him eating the food is _logical_. It works for you." Pike smirked at the screen.

Jim flipped him the bird. "Cute. Listen, I'm going to give your information to Sabrina, my attorney." Spock cleared his throat quietly. " _Our_ attorney. We'll keep in touch and I promise as soon as this is over with we'll talk." Jim checked the calendar quickly. "We'll be in San Francisco as soon as we can be. You'll have to be our victim for our housewarming party since we know no one else out there."

"You can always invite Admirals Komack and Nogura," Pike suggested innocently.

"Eeep! No thank you. You'll do. We'll try not to get a place at the top of a bunch of stairs." The screen flashed an icon at Jim and he sighed. "Uh, Chris, there's a call coming in. Can I talk to you later?"

"Keep in touch somehow, Jim. Take care of each other." Pike cut the connection on his end and the screen at Jim's end flashed to the other line.

A Vulcan man stared out of the screen. Jim blinked and took a moment to respond. "Hello?"

"I am attempting to reach Commander Spock. This number was left as his next of kin on Earth."

Spock stepped back into the screen's range. "This is Commander Spock."

"I am attempting to reach your father, Commander. Do you know his whereabouts?"

Spock looked over the screen. "He is here with me. One moment."

Sarek got up and walked into the kitchen. Jim and Spock walked out into the living room to give him his privacy.


	38. Blood Will Be Drawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And the crud hits the fan at forty miles an hour. Hold on tight, ladies and germs.

"What do you think?" Jim asked his husband quietly.

"I am uncertain at this moment. It horrifies me to think my actions are the cause of your difficulties now." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Had I kept quiet in Sickbay this may not have happened. Had I not gone into _pon farr_ in the first place I know it would not be occurring." Spock made a fist out of frustration.

"Babe," Jim began, feeling his mate's tension across the bond. "I'm learning more and more about Carol as we go along, and I can tell you this much: if it weren't for this scenario she would have found another. I don't call her 'psycho' loosely. She's determined to pull us apart. Don't let her win."

Sarek walked into the living room stiffly. He was apparently greatly alarmed at whatever the call had told him.

"Dad?" Jim asked.

Sarek looked at his sons. "That was the Vulcan Embassy in New York. A police detective has called, asking whether my diplomatic immunity extends to my son. They plan to arrest Spock on charges of domestic violence."

Jim felt the world freeze. His knees buckled for a moment and he felt Spock gripping him, but whether it was to hold him up or hold Spock up remained to be seen.

"The police will be here within the next fifteen minutes." Sarek was as mortified as a Vulcan could be.

"Well?" Jim gasped. "Doesn't he have immunity also?"

Sarek closed his eyes. "The embassy believes we would be better served if he waives immunity at this time."

"But he's done nothing wrong!" Jim exclaimed furiously. "I'll tell them! I'll explain everything! He's innocent!"

Sarek opened his dark eyes and focused on his son-in-law. "James, police have not had to wait for the victim of domestic violence to make a report since the early twenty-first century. Witnesses are all that is needed."

Jim bolted to the bathroom off the living room and gagged. Spock walked over and stood in the doorway.

"Jim, please do not become overwhelmed. I will be depending on you to help release me from jail." Spock put his hands behind his back. "Remember when we were on the Sacanean planet and I was jailed for being a demon worshiper? I relied on you then and I will rely on you now."

The sound of a siren came across the still cornfields and Spock stiffened.

"Spock," Jim breathed, and threw his arms around his husband. "I'm so sorry, Spock. I'm so sorry. I'll get you out. I promise. I love you so much. Please forgive me."

"I cherish thee, _t'hy'la_. One way or another, this will be over soon enough. Have faith, _ashayam_. We will maintain what contact we can through the bond." Spock looked out the window at the police car pulling up. "It is time, Jim."

Jim squeezed tighter. "They'll have to pry me off you. They can't do this. It's not fair. It's not fair. I love you."

Sarek walked up and gently removed Jim's arms from Spock. "Allow him his dignity in this moment, James. It is one of the few things they cannot take from him."

Spock put on his coat and walked out the front door. Jim, Winona, and Sarek followed onto the porch.

"I understand you are bringing charges against me. I invoke the right to a lawyer and surrender myself at this time." Spock stood in front of the deputy, who yanked his arms behind his back and placed the handcuffs on him. Jim gasped.

"I will call Ms. Elasier," Sarek intoned, walking back inside. Jim stood helpless as they manhandled his husband into the back of the cruiser and shut the door.

_Be strong, ashayam._ Spock looked out the window.

_I love you, Spock._ Jim felt tears flooding his eyes. The cruiser moved down the driveway. Jim spun to his mother and threw his arms around her.

"I'll never forgive her for this," he hissed. " _Never_. I'll never forgive her."

Winona rubbed circles on Jim's back. "Shhh, baby. It'll be okay. We'll find a way through this. You've been through too much to let this be how it ends. You'll get through this."

Jim stood staring out across the once-again silent cornfields. Ten minutes later he stalked in the house and headed into the kitchen. Sarek was on the comm. to Sabrina.

"I am prepared to post bail should it be necessary." Sarek looked at the young lawyer.

Sabrina shook her head. "I'm going for R.O.R. I can't imagine a judge taking a domestic violence case against a Vulcan seriously. Hey, can you get a message to Captain Kirk for me?"

"The captain is here now," Sarek replied and stood back for Jim to come in.

Jim scrubbed at his eyes. "You're going to fix this, right?"

"Captain, stay calm. I'll be meeting with Commander Spock at the courthouse before his arraignment. According to what the cops are telling me, all the commander will say is his name, his rank, his serial number, and my name." Sabrina smiled. "I believe the term the police chief used was 'stubborn bastard'. I doubt we need to worry about what happens tonight. It's when he goes before a judge tomorrow that we'll start to fret."

"What can I do?" Jim asked.

"Well, the cops are going to want your deposition. I'll be there for you for that too, because they're going to try to trick you into saying Spock hits you. The thing this case hinges on is if his behavior five years ago has ever been repeated." Sabrina pulled something up on her padd. "I've got Lieutenant-Commander Leonard McCoy and Lieutenant Nyota Uhura on call to give testimony tomorrow. They've been cleared by…." She paused and scrolled down. "Commander Montgomery Scott, currently in command."

Jim smiled weakly. "Yeah, we left Scotty in charge when we left the ship. It was supposed to be an easy cruise back. I hope this is the worst thing he has to deal with."

"I spoke with the commander earlier tonight. He is most emphatic that _you_ not be jailed. I don't think he fully understands that it's his fellow commander who's in the hot seat this time." Sabrina shrugged.

A soft snort escaped Jim. "Yeah, 99% of the time if something's going down, I'm the one in trouble and Spock's the one getting me out. It feels a little weird to have it reversed now."

Sabrina smiled. "You hang in there, Captain. We'll get the commander out and back home where he belongs. I can't imagine him spending the night there. But even if he does, he'll be out tomorrow."

"Thanks, Sabrina. Let us know." Jim sighed. "Bye." He hung up and sat down at the kitchen table.

_Hang in there, t'hy'la. We're working on it._ Jim sent a quiet message, hoping it was heard.

"Spock, Commander Starfleet, serial number S179-276 SP. My attorney is Sabrina Elasier." Spock took as deep a breath as he could in this squalid interrogation room.

"Make it easy on yourself, Spock. Talk to us. We want to help. We want to see you get out of here. Nobody wants you in here. Work with us." The sergeant leaned in toward the Vulcan.

Spock leaned back slightly and cleared his throat. He was getting thirsty, and tired, and very frustrated. "Spock, Commander Starfleet, serial number S179-276 SP. My attorney is Sabrina Elasier." He wasn't frightened of the interrogation techniques. They were much simpler than he'd faced before, and not even on par with what Starfleet had prepared him for. What appalled him was the condition of the room he was being held in. Someone had urinated in a corner, it smelled like someone had been sick in here previously, and to top it off the sergeant in charge needed a shower. Badly.

"We're not going to get anything out of him tonight. Leave him alone," the lieutenant growled. He walked toward the door.

"Well, we haven't tried this," replied the sergeant, and he grabbed Spock's collar and hauled him up. Spock promptly neck-pinched the officer. When the man sagged down, the other officer stood frozen.

"What did you do to him?" he gasped.

Spock looked distastefully down at the prone man. "I am not accustomed to being violated. I merely put him to sleep. He will awaken shortly, however he will not be thankful."

The officer rapped on the door with his baton and signaled for more police to come. They walked in and backed Spock into a corner, spinning him around and cuffing him again. Two officers hauled the unconscious man out of the room. Then Spock was dragged out and taken back to his holding cell. They threw him in bodily and slammed the metal door behind him.

Spock calmly turned around and placed his cuffed hands against the bars, allowing the officer to un-cuff him. As his back was facing the outside, Spock looked around the inside of the holding cell. He was currently being held with an intoxicated man and a man who kept tapping the side of his head from time to time. The second man had approached Spock and asked him if he was 'holding'. Not knowing the answer, Spock had shook his head and walked away. The intoxicated man had spent much of the time asleep, so he was no bother.


	39. Goin' Before The Bench

After an hour, a fourth man was brought to the cell. He was singing at the top of his lungs, some rowdy Irish tune, and seemed extremely happy with himself. When he was released into the cell, he made rounds with the current inhabitants. The drunken man had belched at him. The other man had asked him, too, if he were holding. Spock wondered what they were supposedly holding. Then the happy man came up to Spock.

"Wow-wee! A real, live Vulcan! Imagine that, ladies and gentlemen! What are you doing in here?"

Spock stared at the man, hoping intimidation would earn him some quiet time. He was mistaken.

"Ahh, you're not a talker. That's okay. I happen to be a talker from a long line of talkers. In fact, if there's one thing my boy Jimmy taught me, it's that you never let the fuzz get you down. Ain't that right? Well, you'd have to know Jimmy wouldn't you?" He didn't pause for an answer. "James Tiberius, always good for a night on the town."

Spock started and turned to face the newcomer. "You know James Kirk?"

"Hey, he talks!" exclaimed the man. "Yessiree, I know Jimmy boy. He and I used to paint the town every Friday. He went and joined the service and now he's married to a fella that kinda looks like you." Then the man scrutinized Spock closely. "You look a _lot_ like the man my boy Jimmy married. You don't happen to know him, do you?"

"May I ask your name?" Spock began.

"Matt Jewlron, at your service," said the man, sketching a bow. "Now do me the favor, my boy. Who am I speaking to?"

Spock blushed involuntarily. "My name is Spock."

There was a whistle from Matt. "You _are_ the very same. I'd bet a dime to a dozen to find Jimmy in here, but what on Earth are _you_ doing in here?"

Spock thought for a moment, and then answered as honestly as he could. "Someone has made a false allegation against me and I am being held pending charges."

The man smacked Spock's shoulder in a way very reminiscent of Jim. "It's all lies, I tell you. Well never fear, Jimmy'll get you out in a jiffy. He never leaves a bro hanging."

Spock found himself strangely drawn to this Matt character. "What are you being held for, Mr. Jewlron?"

"I may have had reason to take a ride in a friend's car. And forgotten to tell said friend." He winked at Spock. "I'll be out in no time. Got a girl on the outside who's paying my bail."

A jailor approached the cell. "Spock?" Spock stepped forward. "Your attorney is here. Your arraignment is in ten minutes."

Matt faked a punch at Spock. "Good luck, Mr. Vulcan Sir."

Spock turned around and put his hands behind his back, allowing his jailor to cuff him again. Then they walked up the hall and to the elevator. They rode up two floors and went down the hall to the night courtroom where Sabrina was waiting for him.

"Don't say a word. I'm aiming to get you out of here tonight." Sabrina led her client in the courtroom.

"Docket 48012A, People vs. …." The bailiff paused and whispered to the judge. The judge looked at the paperwork and shrugged.

"Defendant, how do you pronounce your name?" The judge looked down at Spock.

Spock spoke a harsh statement in his native tongue. "However, I am referred to as Spock." Spock spoke quietly.

The judge shrugged again at the bailiff, who resumed his statement.

"People vs. Spock. Charge is domestic assault."

The district attorney nodded to the judge. "The charges are frightening, Your Honor, and the defendant has emotional sway over his victim. People request remand."

Sabrina smiled evilly at the opposing attorney. "Plead not guilty. The charges are bull, Your Honor, and the supposed victim is ready to make his statement to the police. This is a case of misunderstood dialogue and we request R.O.R."

The judge stared down at Sabrina. "You expect me to release a Vulcan who assaulted a police officer not more than thirty minutes ago?"

Sabrina gaped for a second and Spock jumped in. "Your Honor, the officer assaulted me. It was an involuntary reaction. I did not harm the officer; I merely put him to sleep. Headache notwithstanding, the man will suffer no ill effects."

"Well I heard nothing about this supposed assault, only you attacking the officer. I don't like rogues roaming this town. Your trial will begin tomorrow; you can sit in jail until then. Defendant is remanded." The judge banged the gavel.

Sabrina whispered words of encouragement to Spock and he was quickly led back downstairs. When he was returned to the cell, he was enthusiastically greeted by Matt.

"So what'd the big man say?" Matt circled the weary Vulcan.

Spock picked a bench and lowered himself. He wished he could meditate until the trial began, but in this environment he'd never pull it off. He remembered how safe he felt meditating with Jim present, and he reached out through the bond.

_Ashayam?_ There was almost a static but no response. He pushed through a heavy dose of love and waited. There was a wave of gratitude and love back. At least their emotional connection remained intact.

Spock sat still and tried to think of what Jim would be doing right now. His internal clock told him it was just past eight thirty at night. That meant it was six thirty on the ship. Maybe Jim could gather witnesses to assist them. Spock sighed. It was going to be a very long night.


	40. Frantic Efforts Are All The Rage

Jim was on the comm. with McCoy, whom he had tracked down finally. McCoy was in his office in Sickbay.

"He's been arrested?!" The older man sputtered in anger. "What the hell for? You know there are people out there who actually need their help, and they're going after a freaking Vulcan for spousal abuse. What morons."

"Bones, I need you to testify tomorrow that Spock hasn't ever hurt me intentionally." Jim spoke quickly.

"Not a problem, Captain, but you realize if they cross-examine me too closely I'll have to admit how you got hurt this last time." McCoy tapped his fingers on the desk.

Jim lowered his voice. "You can tell them we got rough during sex. That's fine. Just don't bring up the actual Vulcan term."

McCoy pinched the bridge of his nose. "Jimmy, I don't even _remember_ the name of the Vulcan ritual. I just remember whatever it is, it's not in the medical library. Don't worry your pretty little head about that."

Then a shadow entered the picture and McCoy looked up. "Your other party is here, Jimmy." He stood up and traded places with the red uniform. Uhura sat down.

"Hey Jim, I got here as soon as I could. Your message said it's an emergency?" She scanned his face.

"Spock's been arrested." He waited for her panic to pass. "We need you to testify tomorrow that Spock hasn't ever hurt me intentionally."

She pursed her lips. "You know I will. Does he get to come home?"

Jim checked the chronometer. "I haven't heard back from Sabrina yet. I'm hoping he does. I don't want him to spend the night in jail."

"I'll send a prayer your way. I'm so sorry, sugar. This is so unfair to you two."

"Thanks Uhura. Listen, tell Bones I have to go. I'm going to keep the line open for Sabrina. I'll talk to you later." Jim waved. "See ya."

He cut the connection and laid his forehead on the cool cabinet. He heard footsteps and looked up to find his father-in-law standing beside him.

"I'm so sorry, Father. This is all my fault."

"Child, the fault lies with Ms. Marcus, who is attempting to assert her dominance over your life by any means possible. Your only error lies in being too trusting. And I cannot chide you for that. It is part of what makes you the caring leader you are." Sarek made a steeple with his fingers.

The comm. station rang and Jim pounced on it. "Hello?"

"Captain Kirk." It was Sabrina, who didn't look particularly happy. "I wasn't able to get Commander Spock out of jail tonight. He apparently attacked a guard so the judge remanded him. His trial is at nine in the morning."

Jim gritted his teeth. "Okay, if he's attacking people that means they're attacking _him_. He'd better be okay when I see him tomorrow."

Sabrina made a motion with her hand. "Calm down, Captain. I think he'll be fine. He didn't look much worse for the wear at his arraignment. We'll get this straightened out. Don't lose faith."

The comm. flashed an icon and Jim sighed. "Uh, I got another call coming in. Keep me posted, okay?"

He switched lines. "Hello?"

"Jim? Are you well?" It was Solion. Jim felt tears of relief in his eyes.

"Hey old man. Yeah, I'm fine. Our mutual friend is spending the night in the slammer, though." Jim tried to smile. "How did you get the number here?"

Solion tilted his head. "I made some calls, and then I used my considerable influence on the embassy aide who tracked down Spock's father."

"You strong-armed the aide into giving you the number? You sly old dog. You wanna be a character witness too?"

Solion sighed. "I wish I could, old friend. However, I think Starfleet would frown upon me testifying on my own behalf."

Jim grunted. "I'm sorry. It's not fair. Two people took a conversation totally out of context and now Spock's in jail because of me." He blew a breath out. "I must be like the worst bondmate ever."

Solion's eyes twinkled. "My Jim also had an affinity for getting us into predicaments. Usually it was he who was incarcerated and I had to rescue him. Once he got the doctor and himself jailed in a very bad place, and it was a race against time to save their lives. But regardless of the circumstances, I always forgave him." Solion looked at the camera seriously. "Spock _will_ forgive you for this."

Jim looked down. "I guess I needed to hear that from one of you."

"Do not disparage, Jim. The truth will have to come out, and he will be exonerated. I am not concerned." Solion leaned back.

"Maybe you should be, old man." Jim leaned in to whisper. "There's something that happened that begins with a 'p' and ends with an 'r' that is coming dangerously close to being disclosed."

Solion frowned for a moment. "Elucidate."

"P. O. N." Jim paused. "F. A. – "

"Oh." Solion interrupted quickly. "This is the basis of the abuse allegation?" Jim nodded. "Jim, I remember you calling me in the beginning of this. You said he was in distress. Did he injure you?"

Again Jim nodded. "Not badly, but Bones freaked out and took me to Sickbay, and we already had guards on us and the guards heard Spock say he hurt me and that's the crux of this whole thing."

Solion sighed. "I do not know what to tell you, Jim. I cannot imagine a Vulcan authorizing you to disclose the circumstances of your injuries..."

"No," Jim agreed. "Bones is going to have to testify to rough sex, but not the actual name of the situation."

Solion colored slightly. "I am sorry you have to go through this, Jim. I have nothing in my vast arsenal of information to assist you."

Jim smiled. "It's okay. Just talking to you makes it a little easier. I wish I could do something for Spock. He's the one spending the night in the pokey."

Solion's eyes smiled at the slang. "He will be alright, Jim. Perhaps this will be a learning experience for him."

Jim grinned at that. "Yeah, he does tend to turn every situation into a classroom setting."

Across town, Spock was eyeing the toilet in the holding cell mistrustfully. He had to urinate, but wasn't about to do so with three men watching. Well, two men. The drunken man hadn't woken yet. And come to think of it, the man who kept asking people if they were 'holding' seemed to have zoned out about a half an hour ago. The only person who would give him trouble was Matt.

Matt was sitting beside Spock, talking a mile a minute. He hadn't shut up since Spock had returned from his arraignment. Spock had eventually tuned him out. He decided to tune in again.

"—and she was a pretty little thing. I asked Jimmy if he wanted first dibs and he didn't so I asked her out. She slapped me in the face but I spun her around and planted one right on her smacker and she said 'Oh Matt!' I knew I had her then."

"Matt." Spock broke in as Matt took a breath. "I have an awkward question."

"Shoot, good buddy." Matt leaned back.

Spock blushed. "What is the etiquette for using the restroom?"

Matt stared at him. "You gotta pee?" Spock nodded. "Oh, then just do it. Nobody's gonna look at your junk or nothing." Matt sized him up. "You shy?"

Spock tilted his head. "I do not understand the usage."

Matt shrugged. "Here. Get up. Go to the toilet." Spock did so slowly. Matt walked behind him and then positioned himself behind Spock with his back touching Spock's back. He was acting as a guard. "Okay, go for it."

Spock closed his eyes briefly and then did what he had to. When he was done he flushed the toilet and turned to thank Matt.

"Feel better? This is your first time in jail, ain't it? Wonder it hasn't happened before now that you're married to Jimmy boy. But you'll get used to it. Ain't no big thing." Matt sat back down.

Spock stood uneasily for a moment. "I have another question." Matt waved his hand. "Is there a method of washing your hands?"

Matt guffawed loudly. "Boy, there's no hand washin' in here. You're peculiar, you know that?"

Spock sat back down and put his hands in his lap. "I have been told that on occasion."

Matt laughed again. "Funny, too. I like you. I think you're right up Jimmy's alley. I see why he's sweet on you."

After another hour, the jail lights went to 50% for the night. Spock's eyes adjusted to the dimness and he kept a wary eye on the other occupants of the cell. Ten o' clock. Eleven hours to go. Spock sighed.

In a farmhouse far down the road, a tired and despondent man climbed in an empty bed alone. He hugged a pillow close to him and closed his eyes, but didn't fall asleep for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'll pause here but I'll let you know there's only 47 chapters so we're almost to the end. What will happen to our hapless heroes? Stay tuned!


	41. Testify

The drunken man had never fully regained consciousness. Matt had fallen asleep around midnight. The strange man Matt referred to as a 'tweaker' had fallen asleep around two in the morning. The lights came back to full intensity at six in the morning. Spock was spelling words from the symbols on the periodic table of elements when the guard came down an hour later.

He was pushing a cart full of trays. The trays had containers full of food on them, and the scent of sausage and biscuits woke the sleeping men.

"Breakfast," the officer called. Matt was up first and eagerly took his container. The officer handed him a packet containing plastic utensils.

"Grub!" Matt exclaimed.

The formerly drunken man was next. He was slow and unsteady but he received his food as well and walked back to a bench. Then the other man got up. He was itching frantically but got his food. That left Spock.

"You eating?" the guard asked.

"What is the offering?" Spock responded.

"Biscuits and gravy and sausage." The officer looked annoyed. "This ain't the Hilton. You eating?"

Spock stood and received his container. Taking out a fork, he speared the sausages and handed them to Matt.

"Thanks, man!" Matt told him through a mouthful of biscuits.

Spock ate the biscuits, ignoring the gravy. It was nutrition, albeit questionable. But it was something.

Jim woke around seven. He got ready for his day mechanically and walked down to the kitchen slowly.

"Good morning, sugar. How did you sleep?" His mother was sitting at the table. Jim grunted in response. "Well how about eating something before court?" She put her book down.

"Where's Father?" Jim questioned. He couldn't remember Sarek leaving the night before.

"I took him back to the hotel around midnight. We're picking him up on the way to court." Winona smoothed her hair back. "Jimmy, eat, sweetie. You're going to be sick if you don't."

"How can I eat?" Jim complained. "Do you know what they gave Spock this morning? Sausage and biscuits. Same thing they've been giving prisoners since time began. That means all he's had to eat is two dry biscuits."

Winona frowned. "Well then we'll just have to feed him plenty when he comes home. But you've got to eat now." She got out a bowl and put it in the replicator. "How about corn flakes? Something simple."

Jim shrugged. When the bowl came out he sat down and ate listlessly. When he was finished he rinsed out his bowl and went and brushed his teeth. Then he came downstairs and sat in the living room.

At eight fifteen, Winona walked in the living room, grabbing her purse. "Come on, sweetie. It's time."

They picked up Sarek and went to the courthouse. They got seats near the front and sat nervously. Finally the bailiff walked in carrying his clipboard.

"All rise. Court is in session. The honorable Karen Duvitri presiding." The judge came out and stood behind the bench. The rest of the court stood respectfully. The judge sat and motioned for the court to take its seat.

"Call your first case." The woman shuffled some papers.

"Docket 48012A, People vs. …" There was a pause. "...Spock, charge is domestic assault."

The prosecutor stood behind the desk. A door opened to the side and Spock was led out in handcuffs. Jim held his breath.

Sabrina stood and took her place beside Spock.

"Opening statements?" Judge Duvitri began.

The D.A. stood again. "Your Honor. We received devastating news of a hero who needed rescuing himself. Captain James T. Kirk, married three years now to Commander Spock, has been abused horrendously by the man. What began as a disagreement between coworkers has evolved into a sad tale of spousal abuse. We will show the defendant admitted freely to injuring his spouse, and the victim sought medical treatment at the time. We will show the attending physician recognized signs of abuse and reprimanded the defendant. We will show that the defendant is guilty as charged." The D.A. sat down again primly.

Sabrina stood. "Your Honor. We will not rely on old statements such as 'Vulcans cannot lie' or 'Vulcans do not abuse their spouses'. We will rely on the cold, hard facts. Commander Spock never abused his husband and never will. The doctor's testimony will clear this charge once and for all, and we have additional witnesses ready to testify to the loving nature of Commander Spock and Captain Kirk's relationship. This is a simple case of a misunderstanding and the sooner it is cleared the sooner these two men can get back to their lives together."

The judge nodded as Sabrina sat back down. "Prosecution, call your first witness."

The prosecution waved to the bailiff, who rolled a computer station into the room. "Our first witness testifies from the USS _Enterprise_. The prosecution calls Lieutenant George Benivan." The screen was turned on and connected. Benivan sat in the legal office on the ship.

"Lieutenant Benivan, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" The bailiff swore him in.

"I do." The lieutenant sat forward.

"Lieutenant, how long have you served on board the _Enterprise_?" The prosecutor began.

"Two years. I transferred on." The man was nervous. Spock eyed the screen critically. He knew that on the other side of that screen a JAG officer was sitting recording the testimony, making sure no one unduly influenced the statements.

"And were you aware of the nature of the relationship between your commanding officers when you transferred on?"

"No," Benivan replied. "But it didn't bother me. As long as they worked together alright I didn't care."

"When did you become concerned for the captain's safety?" the man asked him.

"Well, we were guarding the captain and the commander a week or so ago, and our orders were that nobody was to bother them. It was weird, but I could handle it. But the captain went in perfectly alright. When the doctor came to check on the commander, he came back out supporting the captain. It looked like someone had hit him – "

"Objection! Speculation." Sabrina was on her feet.

"Sustained. The witness will keep his testimony to the facts."

"What was the captain's physical appearance when he exited the room?" the lawyer rephrased.

Benivan looked around. "Well his lip was bloodied and he couldn't stand straight without the doctor holding him."

"What was the commander's appearance at this time?"

"Oh, Commander Spock was fine. He seemed nervous – "

"Objection. Speculation." Sabrina rose smoothly once again.

"Sustained. The witness will testify only to the facts known to him." The judge wrote something down.

"The commander wasn't injured." Benivan blushed.

As the prosecutor began strolling through the courtroom asking questions to the lieutenant, Jim's mind flashed back to a very different court three years before. Jim and Spock, along with Admiral Pike, had brought charges against Vice-Admiral Cooley. They were on the prosecution's side that time, but it didn't mean they weren't accused just as cruelly. By the time the trial had wrapped up, Jim had almost completely lost faith in Starfleet. It took him almost a year to finally decide to stay in the service.

Now he was losing faith in the justice system on Earth. Not that he'd had a high regard for it in the past. But he expected that the bad guys would get punished, and the good guys would get vindicated, and at the end of the day everyone knew the difference between the two. He could admit that the times he'd been involved in the system he'd earned it. Jacking cars, fistfights in bars, and a bunch of drunk-in-public's. He'd deserved his time in the slammer.

But Spock hadn't done anything wrong. They couldn't even prove abuse, but because someone was willing to testify to it they had to prosecute. In a very far corner of his mind Jim understood it had to be this way, for the men and women who couldn't defend themselves. In a perfect world, the horrible people who beat their spouses would be captured easily. In this world, Spock had been cast in that lot because of one misunderstanding.

"And what were the commander's words?" The D.A. had continued questioning Benivan while Jim was daydreaming.

"He said a funny word I can't pronounce, ta-something, and then he said 'I hurt you. That is inexcusable'." Benivan was positive in his statement.

"He said 'I hurt you'?" The attorney looked at the judge.

"Yes, sir. Clear as day."

"No further questions." The D.A. sat back down.

Sabrina rose and moved toward the screen. "Lieutenant Benivan, has the commander ever hurt the captain another time?"

Benivan thought about it. "Well, there was the fight they had during the _Narada_ crisis."

Sabrina nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, let's get that out in the open. Defense exhibit A, Your Honor. This is the official recording made of the fight in question." Sabrina pulled out a television and disc player and slipped the disc in.

Jim braced himself for this. It was painful just remembering. He watched as he got up in Spock's face. They couldn't hear the words but the taunts were seared on Jim's brain for life. He watched his lips move as he shouted "You never loved her!" and then the next fifteen seconds were a blur. He thought privately that he'd held his own pretty well, considering he was defending himself against an enraged Vulcan. Then he saw himself pinned to the console and saw himself turning red as he struggled to gasp for air. Then Spock released him and Sabrina stopped the recording.

"Quite a moving piece of work for such a short time." Sabrina pushed the TV back. "Was that the fight you were referring to, Lieutenant?"

Benivan was pale. "Yeah. That."

Sabrina pointed back to the TV. "Do you know the status of the captain and commander's relationship at that time?" Benivan shook his head. "You don't? Okay. Well they weren't lovers. They weren't even friends. They were very uneasy coworkers. Does that look like two coworkers having a disagreement?"

"Well, not that violently," Benivan began.

"Think carefully, Lieutenant. In your time in Security have you ever broken up a fight that violent between coworkers before?" Sabrina glared at the screen.

Benivan nodded slowly. "Yes, ma'am."


	42. The Trial Drags On

"Now tell us this, Lieutenant Benivan. Have you ever heard or heard tale of Commander Spock saying the words 'I hurt you' to the captain at any other time?"

Benivan clammed up and Sabrina narrowed her eyes. Then she looked at the judge.

"Permission to treat the witness as hostile?"

"Granted." The judge sat forward to watch better.

"Is it not true the commander has admitted to hurting the captain after sparring sessions in which the captain was a willing participant?"

"Yeah, I guess," Benivan answered.

"And is it not true the commander has even admitted to causing harm to the captain after a particularly trying chess match?" Sabrina glared at the man. Jim cheered her on silently. He didn't know where she'd gotten her intel, but he was thrilled to see her in action.

"Well yes, but…." Benivan sputtered.

"So if the commander said he hurt the captain after a sparring match in the gym and after a chess match in the Rec Room and wasn't beating him then, what on Earth made you jump to that conclusion this time?" She wrapped up her argument.

"The doctor was pissed!" Benivan exclaimed forcefully.

"Objection. Speculation." Sabrina looked at the judge expectantly.

"Sustained."

"I have no further questions for this witness." Sabrina glided back to her table. Spock was looking at her with new respect.

_Told you I trusted her for more than her taste in furniture,_ Jim taunted his husband lovingly.

_I am so thankful, ashayam._ Spock shook his head in resignation.

The D.A. stood up and cleared his throat. "Our next witness is Lieutenant Bobby Delarkan." The D.A. typed in a code and the screen changed. The lieutenant sat before the screen.

When he was sworn in, the prosecutor began questioning the guard. "Lieutenant Delarkan, what precisely did you see in Sickbay?"

Delarkan shrugged casually. "The CMO brought the captain in and put him on the bed and then started scanning his stomach. He kept giving dirty looks to the commander. I asked the commander if the captain was going to be okay and he said something like 'I am certain he will be' or something like that."

Jim stared at Sabrina. She was just going to let that go?

"And what did the doctor say to Commander Spock?" the D.A. asked.

"He said Commander Spock had an obligation to control his power and that he saw what the captain looked like and he'd never forget that." Delarkan shook his head.

"No further questions." The attorney walked back to his desk as Sabrina walked up to the screen.

"Lieutenant Delarkan, how long have you served on board the _Enterprise_?"

"Since she first flew, ma'am. I've been on board the whole time."

"Impressive." Sabrina walked around for a moment. "You were on board when Commander Spock was acting captain, were you not?"

"Yes, ma'am." Delarkan sounded bored.

"Do you believe Commander Spock would have saved Earth had he remained in command?" Sabrina turned to the screen.

"Objection! Relevance." The D.A. was on his feet.

"Your Honor, if you'll grant me a little leeway you'll see where I'm headed with this." Sabrina spoke quickly to the judge.

"I'll grant it for now, but you're on thin ice, Ms. Elasier." The judge made a note. "The witness will answer the question."

"No, ma'am. I don't think he would have saved Earth." Delarkan's voice had turned cold.

"In fact, don't you still hold a grudge against Commander Spock for the injuries sustained by then-Captain Pike?"

"Objection!"

"Goes to motivation for testimony, Your Honor," Sabrina assured the judge.

"Overruled. Answer the question."

Delarkan was sitting forward now, eyes blazing. "You're damn right I do. If he hadn't pussyfooted around we would have gotten to Pike before he was hurt that bad. Bastard has no heart."

"Then how can we take anything you say about Commander Spock seriously? You _want_ to see him in jail. What for doesn't matter." Sabrina looked at her hand casually.

"If this is what it takes to nail the son of a bitch, then hell yeah I'll testify to it!" Delarkan's last statement rang out and the court began to murmur.

Judge Duvitri banged her gavel. "Silence in the court." She looked down at Sabrina. "Are you through with this witness?"

"Yes, Your Honor." Sabrina shot a look over to the prosecutor, who had his head in his hands. In two witnesses Sabrina had brought enough doubt that the judge would have to be mad to believe the charges now.

Jim looked at the back of his beloved's head. _I am so sorry, t'hy'la._

_It seems your son's mother is not the only one with latent hostility._ Spock was saddened.

The prosecutor gathered himself up and went for broke. "The prosecution calls Dr. Leonard McCoy."

The screen was changed and there was McCoy. He was in a set of scrubs and had a mug of coffee in his hand.

"Doctor McCoy, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth – "

"Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna lie." McCoy interrupted the bailiff, who looked at the judge questioningly. She nodded her head and the bailiff stepped back.

"Doctor McCoy, on the night in question did you treat the captain?"

"You know I did."

"Yes or no, Doctor." The district attorney was not fond of this witness.

"Alright. Yes." McCoy scowled at the screen.

"What were his injuries?" The prosecutor strolled through the courtroom.

"He had an over-exerted abdominal muscle that was causing him pain, and he had bitten his lip." McCoy folded his arms over his chest.

"Did he tell you he bit his lip?"

McCoy glowered at the prosecutor. "Well a self-sustained injury is pretty obvious. When I saw where the tooth had perforated the lip and heard the captain say 'I bit my lip' – which by the way the captain's never lied about an injury before – then I figured he bit his lip."

"Were there any other injuries to the captain?"

McCoy fell silent.

"Permission to treat the witness as hostile?" the attorney asked the judge.

"Granted."

"Isn't it true Captain Kirk had injuries consistent with anal sex?"

McCoy applauded slowly. "There are two men in that relationship, son, you want to tell me what other kind of sex I should be expecting?"

The prosecutor blushed furiously and there was a smattering of laughter from the gallery. The judge banged her gavel once, and the attorney cleared his throat.

"Would you say the injuries were consistent with _consensual_ sex?" The man looked back at McCoy.

"I can tell the difference between rough and forced," McCoy nodded. "That wasn't forced."

The prosecutor changed tactics. "Would you trust the captain to come to you about any abuse?"

"Of course. He's a grown man, and he's a rather loud one at that. You'd think I was trying to kill him the way he complains about half the treatments I give him. If he were being abused he would have said something to someone, but definitely to me." McCoy nodded once.


	43. Take The Stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N (Warning): Light descriptions of child abuse, but nothing graphic. Hopefully it can be excused.

"Were you aware that the captain was abused as a child?"

The courtroom erupted into whispers. Several people looked at Jim and he sank down in his seat.

"What are they talking about, Jimmy?" Winona asked her son.

"Don," Jim whispered softly. He felt his heart hammering in his chest.

_T'hy'la?_ Spock reached out.

_They're going to bring up Don,_ Jim told his husband. He pushed one memory in particular forward through the bond. Spock watched, horrified, and turned in his seat to stare at his mate.

The gavel came down three times. "I want order in this court, or I'll clear it," Judge Duvitri threatened.

The prosecutor smirked at McCoy, who had fallen strangely silent. "I'll repeat the question, in case you forgot it during the excitement. Were you aware that the captain was abused as a child?"

McCoy licked his lips. "There were no physical signs of trauma, but his psych eval told a different story."

"And Captain Kirk never got help during this situation at home, did he?"

McCoy took a small breath. "No," he whispered.

"Louder, please," the D.A. requested.

" _NO._ " McCoy left no doubt as to what mood he was in now.

"Then if Captain Kirk has been abused before and didn't seek assistance then, what makes you think he would do it now?"

"Because he's a grown man and he can defend himself now, dammit. He would have told someone."

"No further questions." The attorney walked away.

Sabrina stood still for a long moment, and then walked toward the screen. "What is the nature of your relationship with Captain Kirk?"

McCoy looked to the side. "We're best friends."

"You consider yourselves brothers, do you not?" Sabrina asked him.

"Yeah. I'm the older, wiser brother and he's the wiseass little brother who's always getting in trouble." McCoy began to smile.

"You protect Captain Kirk as often as you can, correct?"

"Hell yes. That's why I'm in so many of those damn landing parties. Drives Spock up the wall because he thinks it's putting me in danger. I don't care. If Jim's going down then I'm going down." McCoy shook his head.

Sabrina tilted her head. "Just so the prosecution doesn't misunderstand your statement, Commander Spock doesn't want you in the landing parties for your own safety?"

McCoy blushed a little. "I'm every bit as much an officer as everyone else is. I just don't go head-to-head with the bad guys as often. I'm usually in the back, doing triage."

"What signs would you expect if Commander Spock were abusing Captain Kirk?" Sabrina began slowly.

McCoy _harrumphed_. "I'd expect bruising somewhere. Anywhere. I'd probably expect internal damage and possibly broken bones. A pissed Vulcan is nothing to sneeze at."

"And have you seen any of these signs in _any_ of Captain Kirk's exams?"

"No, and here's the funny thing:" McCoy leaned in to the screen. "These aren't just controlled, scheduled exams. They're completely random, depending on what trouble the kid's gotten into. He couldn't hide signs of abuse if he tried."

Sabrina nodded thoughtfully. "Thank you Doctor. No further questions."

The prosecutor sat at his table for a long moment.

"Prosecution?" the judge asked.

"Prosecution rests, Your Honor."

"Defense may call its first witness."

Sabrina stood. "I call Captain James T. Kirk."

Jim got up and walked over to the witness stand. The bailiff approached him.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"I do," Jim responded, and sat down.

"Captain Kirk. Let's get the obvious question out of the way now. Does Commander Spock abuse you?"

"Objection!" The prosecutor was on his feet.

The judge looked at him. "On what grounds?"

The attorney stammered for a moment. "L-l-leading the witness?" he tried.

"Is that a question?" the judge answered severely.

"Your Honor, if I were leading the witness, I would have said 'Commander Spock doesn't abuse you, does he?' Instead, I asked a neutral yes-or-no question." Sabrina glared at the prosecutor.

"Objection overruled." The judge glared at the prosecutor.

"Does Commander Spock abuse you?" Sabrina repeated.

"No."

"Has he ever hit you?"

"Yes. He hit me during that fight you saw during the _Narada_ crisis. That was the last time he ever struck me in malice." Jim kept his eyes on Sabrina.

"Has he hit you otherwise?"

Jim thought about it for a moment. "Well, yes. We faked a fight once to get out of a situation with some beings who were about to kill us. And we spar all the time in the gym. He taught me different martial arts techniques. I'm sure there are other things but they don't come to mind because they don't matter."

Sabrina leveled her gaze at Jim. "Why didn't you tell anyone about the childhood abuse?"

Jim swallowed. "Well, I didn't want my mom to be upset. She loved Don and we had made it difficult enough on her to be with him."

" _We_ being your brother George and you?"

"Yes ma'am. I didn't want to make her leave the first man she loved after my father died."

"What did Don do to you?" Sabrina tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

Jim looked down. "Well, he would take a belt to us when we misbehaved, and I don't mean to our backsides." He looked up into the gallery and met his mother's steady gaze. "He broke my arm when I was nine." Then his stare turned to his husband, who was sitting very still. "He wouldn't feed us if we misbehaved."

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg, is it not Captain Kirk?"

Jim nodded mutely.

"When it was happening, did you know it was abuse?" Sabrina came closer.

"Yes. I told my brother and he agreed, and we swore until we couldn't take it any more we were going to keep our mouths shut because this was our stepfather." Jim's voice was almost inaudible.

Sabrina turned away. "Your brother left the house because of this treatment, correct?"

"Yes."

"Captain Kirk, do you recognize abuse when you see it or experience it?" Sabrina was suddenly very harsh.

Jim blinked at her. "Yes."

"I'll ask one more time for the record. Does Commander Spock abuse you?"

Jim set his jaw. "No."

"No further questions."

The prosecutor stood half-way. "No questions for this witness."

The judge looked over. "The witness is excused."

Jim got up and walked back to the gallery slowly. He sat on the opposite side of Sarek, away from his mother, but he felt her eyes on him. He kept his head down.


	44. Witnesses For The Defense

"The defense calls a witness on the _Enterprise_ , Lieutenant Nyota Uhura." Sabrina clicked on the screen and there was Uhura in all her glory.

She was sworn in and Sabrina smiled at the screen. "Hello, Lieutenant. I'd like to start with your relationship with Commander Spock. When did you meet?"

Jim perked up to pay attention to this. He knew they'd met in the Academy. Were they about to admit that to everyone publicly?

"We met in the Academy. Commander Spock was my xenolinguistics adviser." Uhura crossed her legs and sat back.

"When did you become romantically involved?"

Jim looked over at Spock. _You're just going to let her answer that?_

_I have no other choice, ashayam._ Spock leaned forward slightly.

"We became involved in my last year at the Academy." There was some murmuring and Jim felt his face flush.

"How long did you date Commander Spock?" Sabrina walked away from the camera.

"We dated just over two years." Uhura was steady as a rock. Jim felt he could have kissed her for this.

"Did Commander Spock ever become violent with you?"

"No. He never became violent. He was extremely gentle."

Sabrina nodded, and then motioned back to the silent TV. "Do you remember the fight between Commander Spock and Captain Kirk during the _Narada_ disaster?"

Uhura nodded. "I was there."

"Tell us why Commander Spock struck the captain." Sabrina looked out at the gallery.

"Well, he earned it quite frankly. Jim taunted the living daylights out of Spock. But we found out why afterward. Jim had to take command of the ship in order to save Earth. Eventually everyone forgave him for the insults he gave to the commander. Even Spock," Uhura finished softly.

"How did you become aware of the romantic interest between Commander Spock and Captain Kirk?" Sabrina turned back around.

Uhura laughed. "Well, it's kind of obvious if you know what you're looking for. A Vulcan in love is a very powerful thing. Spock became extremely protective of the captain, even more so than he was to begin with." She smiled. "He took to touching the captain. A Vulcan, touching someone voluntarily?" She shook her head. "Them getting together didn't surprise me in the slightest."

"What was your reaction when you learned about the charges against the commander?"

"Oh, I was floored. I thought it was a sick joke or something. Spock would never hurt Jim. Never. If he treats him with even _half_ the finesse he gave me, Jim's getting the royal treatment. I started to write it off; I figured it was a lie."

"No further questions." Sabrina sat back down.

"Lieutenant, you say ' _A Vulcan in love is a very powerful thing._ ' Yet he wasn't in love with you, was he?" The prosecutor pointed his finger at her.

Uhura sat back for a bit. "Well, not the way he is with Jim, no."

"So you wouldn't know if Vulcans abuse their spouses." The attorney was firm.

"But – "

"No further questions." The prosecutor sat down.

"Redirect," Sabrina called out. "Lieutenant, you are somewhat of an expert on alien races, are you not?"

"Yes ma'am." Uhura was almost seething.

"So have you studied Vulcan culture?"

Uhura leaned forward again. "I not only know Vulcan culture as a xenolinguistics major, I studied it because I had hopes of becoming Spock's bondmate. I know the Vulcan culture inside and out."

"So tell us, Lieutenant. Is there any truth to the statement that Vulcans don't beat their wives?" Sabrina turned.

"Vulcans are bred to peace. They abhor violence in every respect. Spock's own father practically disowned him for even _joining_ Starfleet. And as for what Spock did that one afternoon? He was in complete emotional turmoil and was thrown back to a pre-Surakian time. Something like that happens once in a lifetime, if that." Uhura glared at the screen. " _Vulcans_ aren't _violent_ period."

"No further questions." Sabrina sat back down and made a note on a padd in front of her.

The screen was cut off for a moment and then Sabrina stood.

"Your Honor, we have 392 more witnesses for the defense. Do you have a preference as to how we call them?"

There was a rustling of comments from the gallery. Jim beamed. Three hundred and ninety two people had come forward to testify on Spock's behalf. His heart could burst from pride in his crew. Spock turned and looked at Jim and Jim grinned like a maniac at him.

Judge Duvitri pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'll let you call two more. That's it. We're not deposing the entire crew of the USS _Enterprise._ "

Sabrina nodded. "In that case, at this time defense calls Admiral Christopher Pike."

The screen was switched on and they were staring at Pike. Pike looked back at the screen confidently. He was sworn in and the bailiff stepped back.

"Admiral Pike, it's an honor to have you with us today. I'd like to start with how you met Commander Spock."

Pike nodded. "Commander Spock was one of the highest regarded instructors we had in the Academy. I watched him from his cadet days; he always stood out. I wanted him as my First Officer because I wanted that imperturbable constitution backing me up."

"Did you ever get to know Commander Spock on a personal level?" Sabrina posed.

"A little," Pike began slowly. "He never really opened up to me about his personal life. But he did sometimes drop little nuggets on me that made me stop and think." Pike nodded. "Things like how he was being true to the history of Vulcan by protecting the Federation they helped create. And how diplomatic skills should be taught to every cadet, because not every fight was won with a phaser."

Sarek's eyes closed for a moment. Those were his words to his son the evening Spock left for Earth.

"Did he have any altercations during his time at the Academy?"

Pike leaned back. "Well, we did have an incident where a cadet became enraged and grabbed another cadet and threatened to kill him. Campus Security was called, but before they arrived then-Lieutenant Spock snuck up behind the cadet and disabled him."

"Disabled him how?" Sabrina looked interested.

"There's this Vulcan neck-pinch thing they can do. The right pressure to the right area and the perpetrator goes out like a light. I always wished I could do it. It's so much better than firing a weapon at someone." Pike smiled.

Sabrina smiled up at the judge. "Sounds like what Commander Spock did to an officer last night."

Pike frowned. "Spock would never attack someone. If he's doing that he's defending himself or someone else. There isn't an ounce of malice in him. I'd be looking at that officer if I were you."

"What have you learned about Commander Spock since you left the _Enterprise_?"

"Well, he's a great leader. He's probably the best damn First Officer the 'Fleet has ever seen. He's actually mellowed with the crew somewhat, although I can bet his association with a certain Captain brought that about." Pike looked up for a moment. "I've learned how to handle loss with dignity from Commander Spock. I've also learned how to pick my battles wisely."

"What do you mean, 'pick your battles wisely'?" Sabrina looked back to the screen.

Pike chuckled. "I'll tell you the story I tell other admirals, alright? Captain Kirk was severely injured in a First Contact mission. He needed specialized care found on New Vulcan. I ordered Commander Spock to take the ship back to Starbase 15. Commander Spock hijacked the ship and took Captain Kirk to New Vulcan against orders, effectively saving Captain Kirk's life."

Sabrina tilted her head. "Is that the last time Commander Spock disobeyed orders?"

Pike laughed out loud. "Lord, no. It just wasn't always as spectacular as stealing the ship. Sometimes he'd beam down after Captain Kirk had declared it unsafe for him to do so. Sometimes he'd neck-pinch Captain Kirk and hogtie him in their quarters and beam down without him. If he thought it would save Captain Kirk, he did it."

"Hasn't he been reprimanded for this behavior?" Sabrina asked.

"It always fell _just inside_ his dominion as First Officer. Sometimes I joke that he took his position as First Officer too seriously and literally married the captain." Pike laughed and there was laughter in the gallery.

"So you would be surprised to hear of Commander Spock beating his husband?"

Pike went serious in no time flat. "I would be floored if Spock ever laid a hand on Jim that wasn't kind. Those two are like sons to me and I'd like to think I know them well enough to know that neither of them would ever harm the other."

"No further questions." Sabrina sat back down.

The prosecutor had been getting more and more embarrassed as the trial continued and now looked slightly mortified. "Uh, no questions."


	45. Hostile Witnesses and Family Support

Sabrina stood. "The defense calls Carol Marcus."

There was a buzz in the gallery and an officer went out of the court. Carol was brought in a moment later. She looked like she could murder Jim right then. Jim stared at her just as hard.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"I do." Carol sat stiffly in the witness box.

"Ms. Marcus. You have a four year old with Captain Kirk, do you not?" Sabrina stood and walked up to her.

"Yes."

"You have tried once before to separate Captain Kirk and Commander Spock, by threatening to keep his son away from him because of their relationship, correct?"

Carol sat back. "I refuse to respond as my answer may incriminate me."

"And is this not the latest in your schemes to get back together with Captain Kirk, by accusing his husband of abuse?"

Carol blinked. "I refuse to – "

"A refusal can be just as damning, Ms. Marcus. Are you certain you don't wish to put your statement on the record?"

"You want my statement?" Carol leaned forward. "I think what they're doing is sick. It's sick and it's unnatural and I don't want my little boy growing up around it. I would be willing to take him back if he asked me the right way. But I'm not letting my little boy near that."

"You are aware, of course, of the language of the Parenting Act of 2018 which guarantees no parent can be kept from a child because of homosexuality?" Sabrina held up a padd. "I have it right here if you need to refresh yourself. That is why Captain Kirk is here, is it not? To see his son? He gave up the ship he had fought for in order to take a planetary position _at your request._ "

Sabrina threw down the padd rather violently and it clattered on the desk. "In fact, he was willing to leave his husband before this Act was brought to his attention. He has done everything in his power to see his child. The only thing standing in the way is you."

"What am I supposed to say when my baby asks me questions? He's going to want to know things like why they sleep in the same bed and if they're going to make babies and oh God!" Carol threw her hands up.

Sabrina nodded slowly. "Defense exhibit B, Your Honor. This is the recording of Captain Kirk and Commander Spock meeting the young Marcus child. His face has been blurred and his name has been censored."

The judge made a motion with her hand and Sabrina played the disc. Jim sat still, wanting to vibrate with the anger he felt at his ex. At least she was just pleading out and not outright lying. If looks could kill, Carol would have been vaporized on her walk into the court. Jim heard David's laughter and looked back up. David was declaring he was going to tell everyone that Jim and Spock were his daddies. He watched as David pleaded with Sabrina to let him see his daddy. They hugged goodbye and the disc shut off.

"May I remind the court the child is four. Four and a half, he would tell you. Tell me, Ms. Marcus, do you approve of how Captain Kirk handled the baby question?" Sabrina walked back to the witness box.

"It was alright."

"And do you think Captain Kirk, in his infinite wisdom, can figure out how to explain to a four year old why he sleeps in the same bed with his husband?"

"Oh to hell with it!" Carol blew up, standing. "Fine. You win. You've humiliated me enough, Jim. You win."

"Did you ever, at any time, honestly believe Commander Spock was beating Captain Kirk?" Sabrina pressed.

"No."

"Are you willing to withdraw your complaint?"

"Yes."

"No further questions."

The prosecutor sighed. "No questions."

Sabrina nodded to the judge. "The defense rests, Your Honor."

The judge picked up her padd and stood. "I will return with my verdict. Court is in recess." She banged the gavel and left.

Jim got up and walked out of the courtroom. He wished he could talk to Spock, but Spock was spending all his extra energy trying to calm Jim down. He had his hands full as it was.

Jim went in the men's room and ran some cool water and splashed his face lightly. The door opened and he kept his eyes shut. With his luck it would be—

"James."

– his father-in-law. Great. Jim opened his eyes and turned to face the older man. "Yeah Dad?"

"Are you well, son?" Sarek had his hands clasped in front of him and had lowered his voice. Jim sighed.

"Yeah, I'm peachy. My husband had to admit to an ill-timed affair that could seriously jeopardize his career in Starfleet and my ex is out to get me because I'm a flaming queer. My day is going spectacular, how about you?" Jim groused.

Sarek took a small step forward and shook his head. "Spock knew what he was doing when he asked the lieutenant to testify on his behalf. He knew this information would come to light. And your former girlfriend has a vendetta against you, but she is not the whole world, child." Sarek held out a hand in a plea. "The people whose opinions matter the most all support you."

Jim swiped the rest of the moisture off his face and wiped his hand unceremoniously on the side of his leg. "I'm tired of fighting, Father. I'm tired of having to prove myself over and over again. That's one of the things I love most about your son. With Spock I'm just me. No expectations, no demands, just Jim." Jim felt wetness trickle down his cheek that hadn't been there before and swore softly, wiping at the trail.

"I understand more than you realize," Sarek said quietly. "I felt the same way about Amanda. I was not an ambassador or a member of the Clan of Surak or even a Vulcan. I was Sarek. And I was loved." Sarek sighed slightly. "No man could ask for more. You will survive this trial, son. You both will. And you will be stronger for having fought it."

Sarek made a sweeping gesture with his hand. "But now is the time to rest. When the trial is over, we will bring you back to the farmhouse and you will rest. No interviews, no calls, no contact but with your bondmate."

Jim gave a weak chuckle. "That sounds better than you can guess."

A green light sparked on in the bathroom ceiling. Sarek looked up. "Court has returned to session already?"

Jim felt his stomach drop. "I am just about ready to take up praying," he muttered as he walked out of the restroom.


	46. Soundbites

Jim walked in just as the bailiff was making his announcement. Judge Duvitri walked out and gave the order for everyone to sit. Jim slid into the seat next to his mother, his earlier embarrassment forgotten.

"This has been a very difficult case." The judge picked up her stylus absentmindedly and twirled it. "I always give domestic violence cases the strictest attention. One involving a Vulcan is magnitudes bigger. I've always believed stereotypes, be they positive or negative, are harmful."

She dropped the stylus and folded her hands. "However, I cannot find just cause to hold Commander Spock any longer. All the evidence points to a caring, compassionate man. This charge is dropped, _with prejudice_. The defendant is to be released. Court is adjourned."

The gavel came down and Jim went up. He dashed forward, springing over the partition and coming to a screeching halt in front of his husband, who blinked at him.

"Consider yourself bear-hugged as soon as we're home." Jim grinned and tugged gently at Spock's sleeve. "Come home. It's time to come home."

Spock shook his hand slightly to loosen Jim's grip. "I must go downstairs and retrieve my belongings."

"Sons, you need to be forewarned. The press is here, and they are most intent on getting a statement." Sarek walked up and stood on the other side of the divider.

"I've got a soundbite for them," Jim growled.

"No!" Three voices chorused. Jim stared at them, and then focused on his husband.

"Trust me?" Jim asked. Spock balked. "No lawn darts, no sandwiches and soups, I'll be a good boy."

"You will watch your language?" Spock queried slowly.

Jim crossed his heart. "Promise. You go get your stuff." He walked out of the courtroom into the throng of reporters. Cameras were thrust in his face, along with a ton of microphones. "I have a statement from the Spock-Kirk household."

Everyone fell silent. Jim arched up on his toes and cleared his throat. "It is one thing to disagree with someone. We're not all going to think alike. But to purposely lie; to cause someone irreparable harm both legally and emotionally with malice is wrong. We ask that people use their common sense. If it sounds impossible, it probably is. Unless you're talking about my boyish good looks, and then you're right." The crowd laughed.

"Commander Spock is quite possibly the best thing to ever happen to me. I mean personally as well as professionally. I hold myself responsible for this drama, and I hope one day he forgives me. Now we'd like to have a little private time, so I'm going to ask like a big boy that you all give us our space. Don't follow us, don't call us, just leave us alone. The next time you hear from us we hope it'll be for a better reason."

With that, Captain Kirk smiled and walked through the reporters, who for once stood back. Not a single reporter followed Jim down the stairs to where he met his husband. No reporters were waiting outside when they took him to the aircar. It was a quiet ride home.

Spock refused to cuddle with Jim, citing that he felt 'soiled' and would prefer a shower when he got home. Jim sat beside him, not saying anything. In the front seat, Winona chatted quietly with Sarek. When they pulled up in the barnyard, Winona parked and handed Jim his keys. Spock got out and walked up to the door, testing the lock and entering when he found it unlocked.

Jim walked in and kicked off his shoes. He was halfway up the stairs when a sneaker hit him on the back with unusual precision. Jim whirled around to find his father-in-law standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Your mother requests that you not leave your footwear in the hallway."

Jim laughed and came back down the stairs to snag the lone shoe left in the walkway. He gathered its mate on the stairs and walked up to his room. There he turned down the bed and pulled the shade down. Rummaging through Spock's suitcases, he found his meditation incense and lit a piece. Then he sat on the bed.

Spock walked in five minutes later, hair still damp. He had apparently taken a water shower. He must have felt really bad. Jim stood up and unrolled Spock's meditation mat and pointed to it silently. His mate looked to him gratefully but headed instead for the bed. He climbed in his side (always away from the door) and patted the mattress beside him. He didn't have to ask twice. Jim jumped in the bed and pulled the covers up around them.

Jim found a cool hand and held it. "What do you need, baby?"

Spock snuggled down. "Please hold me. I am so sorry, James."

Jim pulled away momentarily. " _You're_ sorry? For what, Spock? This disaster was my fault, all the way. If I hadn't fallen into Carol's clutches six years ago none of this would be happening."

"Ahh," Spock murmured, "but then you would not have such a special child as David."

Jim pursed his lips. "David is the only bright spot in this whole mess." He wrapped his arms around his love and _hummed_ in his chest. "What can I do to make it better?"

Spock closed his eyes. "Simply be yourself, Jim. You are all I need."

They lay there in each others arms, feeling their tension ease. They were almost asleep when the comm. station chimed.

Jim got up and there was a noise, and then the chiming stopped and he came back to bed. Spock opened one eye.

"Do we owe your mother a comm. station now?"

"Nah. I unplugged it. Not that gently, but I only unplugged it. They'll have to leave a message." Jim kissed Spock's forehead. "Go to sleep, _t'hy'la_. You're home now."

The day passed quietly. Winona left a note for the boys and took Sarek back to the hotel. She tried to avoid the reporters camped out at the entrance, but it was all for naught. All Sarek said was 'no comment' and pressed his way through to the stairs. He made sure no one was following him and he went to his room.

Spock awoke around six in the evening. He felt absolutely wicked for having slept so long, but after his ordeal he couldn't have stayed awake any longer. He slipped out of the bed and lit some more incense and knelt down on his mat. He dropped into the deepest meditation possible, just above a healing trance.

Consequently, he didn't hear Jim get up and access the computer. When he came back to himself, he was surprised to find his husband sitting beside him.

"Shh," Jim began. "Just listen." He pressed a button and a song began. Spock's memory placed it instantly. "I haven't been the best husband lately, and I'm sorry Spock. I never want to make you think I don't love you or appreciate you. You're the rock I rely on. You're my soft place to fall. You're everything to me, and I love you. Will you forgive me?"

Spock nodded slowly. Then he reached out and took his mate's hand. They sat and listened as Sarah McLachlan sang about being the answer, and they knew they had found their answers in each other.


	47. Epilogue and More

Epilogue

Jim continued his fight for shared custody of David. He won a month later. David had remained blissfully ignorant of his parents' fighting, which pleased Jim to no end.

Carol, having lost her battle, packed up and left for Chicago without warning. A few well placed comm. calls told Jim she was moving to Riverside permanently, to have David closer to his new favorite grandma, and of course his daddies while they were there. It gave Jim a definite place to find his son when he would be coming to pick him up from San Francisco in the fall.

Jim taught David to ride a horse after all. He was amused when David insisted on riding with Daddy Two, because Daddy Two could talk to the horse. Spock would speak to the horse and then 'listen' for an answer. Spock decided when David was old enough he would actually speak to the horse for him.

A week before they left for San Fran, David turned five. It was a glorious celebration, full of cake and ice cream and presents. He was presented with a picture of a room in a house in San Francisco that was to be his. He got to help decide how to decorate it and he picked several toys for his daddies to take with them when they left.

There were no lasting effects from the public spectacle of the trial. Jim and Spock started teaching at Starfleet Academy together; Spock in computer sciences and Jim in command track. Cadets quickly learned the two instructors talked, and there were no secrets between them. They easily became two of the most popular instructors the Academy had ever had. They had many adventures, but that's a story for another time.

* * *

"Spock?"

Spock _hummed_.

"Why won't you let me coach the intramural softball team?" Jim batted his eyes across the desk.

" _Ashayam,_ " Spock sighed, "you know nothing about softball. You simply want to coach them because they are women."

Jim pouted. "I think I grasp the basics."

Spock sipped his tea and set the cup back down. "First, you do not. And second, do not think your elaborate attempt to avoid grading your midterms has escaped my attention. Now finish and we will watch a movie."

Jim perked up at this promise. "Can we watch Saw 48?"

Spock shivered in protest. "Very well. Grade your papers."

A head popped in the door. "Hey guys, happy anniversary!"

Jim swiveled to look at the newcomer. "Hey Uhura! What brings you to town?"

She sashayed in. "Communications department wanted someone with 'field experience' to come teach for a week next semester. I came to set up during break. I just happened to get in on your happy day!" She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Can a girl take you to dinner?"

Jim opened his mouth but Spock beat him to it. "That would be pleasant, Nyota." Jim pouted again. Spock noticed and sighed. "Jim _,_ we can watch Saw 48 afterward. I am sure Nyota would enjoy experiencing it again."

" _For the millionth time_ ," she whispered under her breath.

The three sat chatting in Spock's office. A pair of cadets walking by stopped to eavesdrop.

"That is Commander Spock and Captain Kirk."

"Who's that with them?"

"Commander Uhura. She is a master at languages."

"You think we'll ever be as famous as them?"

Cadet Saavik tucked her hair behind her delicately pointed ears. "I do not wish to be famous. I only wish to do my best."

"You Vulcans are weird," the other cadet lamented. "Come on, I heard they opened the physics lab this morning. We can get some extra studying in before everyone comes back."

They walked off down the deserted hall. It was just another day to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One Last Massive A/N: Once again, many thanks go to the K/S writers who came before me. Acknowledgment goes out to CMM, who first listed Spock's clan as being related to Surak. The wonderful author zedrobber was first to detail loss of control during Pon Farr. All Vulcan language bits were researched on the Vulcan Language Dictionary online, www . starbase-10 . de/vld/ . Jim and Spock's wedding song is "Answer" by Sarah McLachlan. The song Spock was listening to alone is "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park. Imagine that – a Vulcan listening to Linkin Park! My deepest and most sincere gratitude goes to my beta and heroine, mockingbirdhill. Once again she was there from the beginning and through every last-minute change. She's the best. I'm not done writing yet...!

**Author's Note:**

> This work will be updated in a rapid fashion since it is already completed. I'm just posting it now on this site. If there's a lag, don't worry, I'll be back!


End file.
